Cheating

[kamurj]

I recently found out my wife is cheating on me. She says she is in love him more than she cares for me. we have been together 8 years.engaged 1.5 years ago and married 6 months ago.

I cant live without her, i never knew someone could hurt me so bad. she says she has been withhim now almost a year and he knows her very well.

 

I dont dance much and I encouraged ehr to go out with her friends w/o me because I was afraid of dragging her down. she met him there.

 

oh god i dont know what i am going to do this is sooo hard. I thought we would be together forever. she ismy first and only love.

I told her I still love her though her feelings for me have died off and we need to try. But she says she may not be able to stop talking to him.

 

what did I do wrong Ihave loved her so much! i gave her everything i am so stupid .

god this hurts so much.

 

she says she will try for me to be with me and see a marriage counselor

but she admits she doesnt "love" me like him.

and she still wants to be with him.

am I being stupid and setting myself up for another big fall wanting her to try? I am trying to act strong but everylittle thing about my life is part of her. this is so terrible.

If she is really happy with him like she says should I let her go?

[kamurj]

Do you want the truth? Do you want me to be honest? You need to let her go. You cannot force her to love you. If she has fallen out of love with you, like she says she has, she isn't going to love you again by talking to a counselor. I know this is harsh. I know you want to believe there is a way to make this work and make her love you as much as you love her. But if you make her stay with you, she will keep cheating on you. If she does end up staying with you because you made her, she will resent you. She will constantly be mad at you, she wont talk to you and you will be more unhappy than you would be without her. I know the prospect of life on your own, with out her is very scary. Who will you be friends with, what will you do, where will you live, what will your friends think of you, what will your parents think of you. Truthfully, people will be very supportive of you. If you have any of your own friends, they will take you out and help you get over this. Life does go on. I know you've heard this before but you will survive. It will be hard for a long time, probably a year or more. But you need to leave and once you do, get out. Don't stay at home and sulk. Get out, do something, anything! You cannot stay with her hoping for the off chance that she might love you again. I can promise you, she wont. She has already had her time to fall out of love with you. Now you need your time to fall out of love with her. Please believe me on this. From all the stuff she has told you, it screams that she wants out. It blatently says that if you do go to counseling, she won't try. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. You need to let her go. As hard as it will be, it will be better for you in the long run, and your life will be happier.

[kamurj]

you are sound like a great guy!! I would give anything to have my husband love me like you do your wife!! Be strong and move on,its easier said than done I know but with time it will hurt less.

[Guest331607306431]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've been there. About five years ago stupidly I broke up w/my girlfriend of 3years to have my fun. It lasted about 3 months before I started hearing rumors about what she was doing. This turned my whole world upside down, I had never known her to be anything other than sweet, but after everything she put me through the next 2years all I could thing was what a bitch. If you take anything from this let it be the old saying "Whatever does not kill you Will make you stronger." unfortunately I did not have any "good friends" that I could talk to, so everything that I saw, I would have to try to convince myself I didn't see it. Anyway during the next 2years she put me through hell, and ofcourse there will be times were I wanted to kill myself but the thought that maybe I could fix this wouldn't let me. Think about it if you did get her back, and she fell deeply in love with you. Would you be able to truly forgive her and trust her without being possesive? Listen, it will be hard but there is someone outhere for each of us. I did get my wish and I did get back with my girlfriend but still after 5years I can't get rid of the mental pictures that have been stuck in my head since they happened. I occasionaly go out alone with her approval, and everytime I go out, I go to blow off steam not meet anyone. One time, while I was out I met this pretty young lady. We got to talking, and I found out that there are good women in this world that can make me happy other than my girlfriend. I had to let, what could have been the one for me go so that I wouldn't hurt my girlfriend. So there is someone out there for you and God will give her to you when he's ready so just wait for her and have fun in the mean while, because she will come so be available for her, because she is the only one that can make you truly happy. Keep your head up! P.S. Go out this weekend and learn how to dance! Have fun.

[soleha1607306436]

I have similar problem like you. After 1 year dating and 2 years married (i'm pregnant with our first baby), he told me he finally realized that we are not a match and compatible couple. I broke down. I feel my life has ended.

I have tried to let him go for temporary when he asked for separation. Apparently he is in love with his co-worker (he is a workaholic person) -- and i know his co-worker has crushed on him for so long. I know her from him but I never thought that she is really that bitch.

 

i don't know what to do. I am not ready for a divorce.On the other hand I can't stand to see him "in love" with another woman while we are still committed.

 

many people told me to let go of him. But how? in what way?

[axe03]

If She Is Willing To Try To Make This Work,by Going To Counceling,then You Need To Take Charge,,your The Man Right????shes Your Wife Right??you Need To Go And Find Her Ballroom Rico Suave,and Put The Fear Of God Into Him,if It Was Me,id Do Alot More Then That.theres Nothing Like Intimadation,bring Your Homies To Do It For You,when You Get Done With Him,he Will Be Packed And Gone,and The Last Person He Will Never Talk To Again Is Your Wife.but Then There Is The Issue Of Her Cheating On You,can You Live With That?personally I Would Give Them Both A Night Of Hell And Terror That They Wouldnt Soon Forget!!!!!!!!so What Are You Waiting For????

[NEBO]

AMEN AxeMan!

 

My last (censored) cheating GF dragged me thru the mud, because i was crushed and couldn't let her go, it was like a game of power, she enjoyed it all.

i finally snapped, realised i had to be a F-ing Man about it, got a few friends and confronted her with her new SuperDooper and his friends.

They had to know they couldn't do that to a person, and swan about free of all retribution and repercussion. We made them feel terror. They didn't feel so cocky about their "victory" of cheating on me thinking I didn't know then! Mr "Alpha Male" didn't feel so Alpha after that...he shat himself, she was made to swallow the truth that she was a cheating * * * * *, caught red-handed as she was, and I walked away feeling free, with some pride again, after months of lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.....

evolutionary psychology in action 'eh...

 

ALL women cheat eventually.

If you have a bad spell, have a rough trot, whatever, and stop making your girl feel excitement, passion, or emotion, then you're done. she'll cheat. they don't stand by men through bad times. she'll make herself available for seduction, and justify it with some Chick Logic excuse like "it just happened"

 

women file for 85% of divorces in Australia (according to The Herald Sun) citing "Their need for happiness" as the major reason. Just up and leave cause it's not exciting anymore.

 

(shrugs) so don't feel bad mate...your wife is female was thereforeeeeeee ALWAYS going to cheat on you eventually.

[crookster_man]

Nebo, I think you're a little jaded. As "different" as women are from men, there not all cheater. PEOPLE cheat when there needs are not being fulfilled. Men and women, would you stay in a relationship that was stagnate? of course not, now how you leave a relationship is what matters if you are an honorable person and have respect for the other person, you will sit them down and explain why it's over. You would deal with the bitching and allow them to have some closure. However if you are a coward you cheat and create an excuse to leave the relationship.

 

Most people are afraid to face there own fallacies, they feel that if they cheat and you break up with them. Then "they dumped me so it's not so bad", it's an attempt to alleviate guilt. This childish behavior doesn't allow for personal growth and development. So even if the cheater seems to be "happy" (since they have a new relationship) they are not. They have learned nothing and gained no insight.

 

While the cheated upon feels sorrow and pain, they have the chance to grow from the experience and become a stronger, better person. Trust me, I know. The best "revenge" is to live a good life. Forgive (don't forget) and move on with life. It will be hard, but in the end you will be a better person, while they are still off cheating and running around. (That is until they grow up).

[Faust]

My wife left me a year a half ago for six months. She works at a safeway and starting seeing a coke guy who was ten years younger then her. She got her own place took our two kids half the time.... Just ruined my whole life. She then found out that the guy was moving to california and had been screwing her and another girl. She has been back now for a year and there isn't a day that I don't think about it. Think about driving to cali and killing him. The first thing I think about when she is late coming home or I drive by her work and don't see her is that she is screwing around again. I don't know if it is worth taking back the cheater. You will never forget it and if your spouse is like mine she'll think that she was justified in leaving and never say sorry.

 

I don't know.. maybe I just saw to much. I saw them making out, I saw their shadows humping, I dug through her stuff and read her diary.

 

I think if I had to do it again... when she came back I would laugh at her face and slam the door. At least then I would have had some revenge.

 

Just don't leave a note saying that your going to kill yourself or they will lock you up. ... I won't go back there again.

[angie]

I can totally empathize with your situation. Mine is similar only, I've been married for 2 1/2 years and according to him, it's been a "sexless marriage", which I don't totally agree or disagree with. Before we got married, we were so wild for each other, but then a lack of respect developed (him for me), then whatever I would say in conversation would be "idiotic" or "ridiculous", etc. and he would speak to me like a father scolding his daughter. I had lived with that already, so I wasn't about to take it from my husband, so we would argue constantly. The more he did that, the more I would get hurt and have no sexual desire. Been through counseling, but when one person can admit the "crime" (for lack of a better word) and the other person is in denial, things really can't work themselves out.

 

About 3 week ago, his behavior changed. Would stay out very late (not normal), leave very early and say it was all work related. One night he came home, saying we needed to talk. He was done with it. Tired of not feeling loved, appreciated, etc. Now I know what you're all saying - but too a certain degree he's right and now I realize it and I'm hoping it's not "too little, too late". He admitted to masturebating to porn sites. After talking for awhile we agreed to seek counseling again and give it a try.

 

We had scheduled our Hawaiian vacation, went on the vacation and the next day after returning, I discovered an email he had sent to someone, saying he couldn't wait to see her, signing off the letter with Love ......

This was done during our vacation. He claimed he was working when he would go off to take a phone call or to use the computer.

 

When I called him about it, since he had to go to work, I was pretty hysterical. He admitted that he met someone 3-4 months earlier but didn't act on anything until this change of behavior time frame. It had only been 3 times according to him. He said that he fell out of love with me and was looking to feel that someone cared for him and the best thing for us to do was to get a divorce. Well I thought, how easy for him to take this way out without more counseling, since the other sessions never really worked. After more discussion, he realized what he did was completely wrong. Should have waited until we were split up before having an affair, etc. Actually said that he would try one more time to work this out with me.

 

The next day, I found travel reservations for him and this affair to go to Hawaii. It was the time frame that he told me that he had a business trip. I just could not believe it. This affair must have meant a lot more than I realized. After emailing this girl and letting her know that he was married (which she was not aware of), that took care of any more communication they would have with each other and the trip. He was too embarrassed to face her now.

 

For the past 3-4 nights, he's been at a hotel because he's affraid of what I might do. Which would be nothing. And still plans on going on the original business trip. After the trip he'll be back home, but in another bedroom and promises to really try and work things out, but it would be like starting fresh - all over again.

 

My problem is that when I asked him to prove to me that he indeed is going on a business trip and still not to Hawaii with the tramp, he refuses and tells me not to bring it up again. I thought it was a simply request. I feel like I need that to be able to trust him until he comes home. He is acting like I'm the one that had the affair. I can't stop bringing it up to him or calling him. And I'm afraid that he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear and not the truth. O.K. guys, would you do that or just be done with it? He says he needs his space, but in my mind I'm thinking, his space to do what? When I try to reach him on the cell, it goes directly to voice mail, so it looks like he's screening my calls. this is late at night.......I think he is with her.

 

I just don't know what to think about this trip or about his time away from me right now. Any help???