Is she worth keeping in touch with?

[DaXMan]

For the past three weeks, my internship took me a few hours out of the way to work on our big event that the company runs. During this time, I met and worked with a great girl (same department). We have a lot of things in common, we have similar personalities, we can make each other laugh and we're able to bust on each other nonstop without either of us getting mad (I think...at least I never got mad, I was entertained).

 

Our co-workers said we're "perfect for each other." One or two of my bosses told me they could tell "something was there," although that may be more of me showing that I was into her - I never would admit it, but maybe they saw me talking to her. They also said we should be a TV show. They also insisted her and I keep in touch. Of course, there was that "work problem."

 

If I were at school or at home, I would have made a move, there's nothing to lose. However, at work, I am VERY hesitant towards making a move. I really would have wanted to, but if it didn't work, I'd be up a creek without a paddle. I worked with her for a long 12 hours a day, seven days a week during this time. More importantly, I don't want my job status being put in jeopardy. Some of my friends back home are bashing me on how I didn't make a move when I had the chance, but I felt trying to date or do things at work would be a bit risky. I think she felt similarly, but there's a not-so-remote chance that the fact I didn't make a move could have landed me in the friend zone. I'm really not good with the one-night-stand stuff either - I realize that could have been a solution here, but I'm not used to that concept unless we both met at a party.

 

The last couple days were a little tricky. The last night we were there, all the interns in our dept went out to the local bar. This girl basically ignored me and was all over my co-workers, who she didn't really know as well going into the night. She didn't get with anyone, I know that, but them getting all the attention and me being out in the cold made me a little peeved. Some buddies of mine think it was a test; I disagree because it was the final night. I thought it was disrespectful. The next morning, I said as few words to her as I could while also being nice or civil (she knew something was up, but I said things were fine). During the afternoon, I cooled off and things progressed back to normal.

 

My question is, should I keep in touch with her or not?

The reasons for We really did connect well - moreso than I have with a girl in a long while, I feel something was there, and she's fun to be around. Also, there's a chance I could see her if we're back home to help out with things at the internship.

The reasons against Our schools are 5 hours away and our houses are 2 hours away (my house is 3 hours from her school), that's pretty far. I'm actually not sure if I'd see her at the internship things during the fall semester (depends if we're both home at the same time), she could just be seeking the attention based on that last night, and maybe I really did miss my chance and will forever be in the dreaded friend zone.

[Clarity]

You can put minimal effort into keeping in touch, but focus on meeting other girls - I think that's the best solution.

[Knight of Hope]

It is possible it was a test... given how much chemistry there seemed to be between you before. Maybe she thought "It's the last night and I want this guy to be my boyfriend. If I make him jealous maybe he'll finally ask me out." Where "ask me out" probably included pulling her away from the group for a night alone. (I could be wrong, but I could see this happening with certain girls)

 

Also because of the chemistry between you, I'm also doubtful that she was testing you. I would hope that, if a girl really liked me, she wouldn't be flirting with other guys. I would hope that she would make it clear that I was her guy, period.

 

The only way to know for sure would be to ask her, which could be a bit awkward. However, depending on the girl, if you really want her, it might win her back. I doubt one night and morning of awkwardness ruined your chances with her. If she really likes you, she might realize that when she flirted with other guys she hurt you.

 

Should you keep in contact? Well, I'd say yes. I don't think that you should never give up on a girl when you have such a great connection. By your story, I believe there's a good chance it was a mutual connection. Still, I'd keep my eyes open for other interesting girls.

[DaXMan]

Clarity - I do agree, I think that solution works. I also feel it will be easier once I'm back at school in a week or so. Right now, no one is around. I don't really deal with the girls in my home town, and my internship is over, so there aren't many options at the moment.

 

Knight of Hope - Well, you summed up both angles of it were a test or not lol. The one problem I see if it was a test - and I mentioned this before - is that it was the LAST night we were up there. When would a subsequent date take place? The setting was similar to your bar situation you posted about recently. Another tough thing was, at work, we worked so many hours there wasn't much time to even go on a date. As for your "not a test" argument, I think she's just flirty. We weren't together nor did we do anything. What I found EXTREMELY annoying is that she was very friendly to a couple of my guy co-workers in my department. For 2+ weeks, they barely talked. All of a sudden she's super friendly to them and is shielding me? Hmm...it makes me question if there is really some social flaw wrong with me because she's hanging with everyone else in our dept but me on this night.

 

It would be tough to ask her out, because I'm not going to be around her. Our schools are five hours apart, I live 3.5 hours from her school, and our houses are 2 hours apart. HOWEVER, I could see if she's coming down for any smaller events during the fall semester (for the internship). I know I'll be down for a few, perhaps I can get her to go too?

 

She's a cool girl, but I'm not a fan of playing games. This is why I'm debating what my next move should be.

[DaXMan]

Any other thoughts?

 

I'll PROBABLY end up writing something to her because I'd rather keep in touch with people than have them disappear forever (unless I really dislike them, then I don't care). Everytime I consider starting the note, the night before we left flashes before me. That night makes me unsure of whether she's worth keeping in touch with just because of the disrespect I felt she was giving me. I also don't want to be caught up in someone who is simply an attention w**** and will simply savor the attention. However, I don't have much to lose by trying to keep in touch here.

 

The bigger question is...what do I write?? Obviously I'd include the "good luck in school, etc." sort of thing, but I feel I should hint at the connection her and I had. I really did feel something, even if work didn't let me act on it. Hopefully I can see her during a few of our "in season" events when we're both home from school. Anything else I should add/remove?

[Knight of Hope]

Well, I don't know what I'd include specifically, but I do know that I would be very careful about what I wrote. You've obviously got conflicting emotions about this girl (both the attraction and the disappointment), and it could be dangerous to act too attracted or too disappointed. Too much of either emotion might scare her away, romantically or even as a friend. So I guess I would include some hints about your connection in this letter/email/text you're going to write her, something a la "Hey Intern Friend Lady! I sent you this email because I felt we had a great connection this summer, and I'd love to stay in contact with you." Maybe that's not worded perfectly, but it's a starting point if you want to include your attraction to her.

[DaXMan]

Well, I don't know what I'd include specifically, but I do know that I would be very careful about what I wrote. You've obviously got conflicting emotions about this girl (both the attraction and the disappointment), and it could be dangerous to act too attracted or too disappointed. Too much of either emotion might scare her away, romantically or even as a friend. So I guess I would include some hints about your connection in this letter/email/text you're going to write her, something a la "Hey Intern Friend Lady! I sent you this email because I felt we had a great connection this summer, and I'd love to stay in contact with you." Maybe that's not worded perfectly, but it's a starting point if you want to include your attraction to her.

 

You're right about the conflicting emotions. Letting all my thoughts out regarding her seeking the attention and how I felt a bit disrespected the other night will feel good at first...but probably not for long. My best chance to make anything possible is to not tee off on her, unfortunately. I won't be really friendly, but I'll be nice enough. I can tell her I sensed some sort of connection, I had a fun time when we were together, and hopefully we'll meet up in the near future (or something like that).

[odile]

She's a cool girl, but I'm not a fan of playing games. This is why I'm debating what my next move should be.

 

Ahem.

There's something very hypocritical about the above statement.

Many of us don't like playing games, yet find ourselves playing them without realising it...

[odile]

Wait-- if you like her, and felt some sort of chemistry/potential for friendship or relationship, then why would you not keep in touch with her?

 

It sounds like you were over-thinking things a bit, and it's possible that she may have been, too, especially on that last night.

As far as the 'test' theory goes, who knows.

Could it be that she simply fancied you, too, and so felt a bit shy?

And shy or not, she may have just been trying to have a fun night out with your (shared) co-workers, and found it easier to chat with those other people, especially since it doesn't sound like you were going out of your way to pay her any attention, either.

 

It's true that getting involved with someone that you work with can be risky, and I think that you did the right thing by not having a one-night-stand.

 

Go ahead and get in touch, but keep it light.

See if you can get a correspondence flowing, and see if a friendship develops.

 

It's true that you live far away from one another, but maybe this is just what you need to calm things down a bit, and play it by ear.

Until you get to the point where you know her a bit better, and feel more comfortable around her,

then it doesn't seem like discussing your 'connection', or trying to think about the future makes a whole lot of sense.

[DaXMan]

Good points Odile, I think that sounds like a good idea. The only tweak I would make is the "friendship" thing. Getting a correspondence flowing...good. Saying, "hi friend!"...not so much. I'm not going to start coming on strongly here by any means, but perhaps I can leave that avenue open for the future.

[HighRoad]

Dax man, you like her. She liked you. Two hours away is not that far. Take it from someone who lives where the distances are enormous. Two hours is like, what you would expect from trying to get accross town in midday traffic in say London or NYC. Two hours is nothing!

 

Shoot her an email and treat her like a friend. Be yourself and be true to yourself. But, also just go for it. We have to take risks to possibly get some rewards. If she turns you down then at least you will know for sure. But, it would never be a waste; you would have found out something important for yourself rather than always wondering 'what if ...' and most importantly, you would have learned that it gets easier each time we speak up and ask for what we want. In this case, you want her.

 

Special connections with potential partners do not come along very often, having a really deep emotional connection and feeling super comfortable with them - brother that is a very rare thing.