Friends with ex, or slightly more?

[kleptoz28]

I've been broken up with my girlfriend for two weeks now. Anyone who's seen some of my other posts may know that this isn't the first "break" I've been on with her. Both times, the no contact thing only lasted a few days before she called.

 

Well, she's called me a few times this week and we've talked about a lot of things. She says she's not in a place in her life where she can be with anyone right now, and doesn't know how long it will be till she is. But she also says she still loves me and if she could be with anyone, it would be me. She even talks about all kinds of places she would like to go with me later on this year.

 

She also asked me to come over to her appartment today and help her fix a few things. (Household repair type stuff that I'm usually good at) Well, she was tired in the afternoon and latches onto me and wanted me to cuddle up with her and take a nap. She also kissed me once today, but then jumped back and appologized, saying it was a habit.

 

To me, its obvious she still cares for me. But not knowing her exact reasons for the split (though I have some idea) or when/if she wants me back, does anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid falling into the "friendship trap" or anything that I should/shouldn't do during this time so she'll remain interested in me? My worst fear is that if I screw up, when she is ready to have a boyfriend again, she'd find someone else.

[Sn0man]

If it's only been 2 weeks since your breakup, I wouldn't be worrying too much about being in the 'friend zone' or anywhere near it just yet.

 

Many people here suggest the no contact rule. no phone calls, no emails, no txt msg's, no IM's, nothing. Im not too sure if it's right for your situation, but it's something that seems to work for many people after a breakup when they wish to get back together with their ex, or to just get over them alltogether.

 

Sn0man

[TrueHeart]

Well I agree with Sn0Man... Perhaps NO contact is a bit too much. It is obvious that she loves you still, but perhaps is unsure how you feel about her-- she feels comfortable around you enough to want to "slip back in to the old routine"--

 

Just be up front with her... Perhaps confront her with that you are having trouble understanding why you broke up-- and ask her to help clarify it for you so you are not reading between any lines... I respect her for being honest with you about not being ready at this point-- but I understand your fear thereof afterwards of the "friendship trap"--

 

Best thing, be upfront about your feelings. You have a right to ask about them anyways...

[kleptoz28]

I've already told her about how I feel. She's very indecisive about what she wants to do in all aspects of her life, and I really don't know what to do about it.

 

She tends to be confused by any major decisions in her life (currently reevaluating career goals, school, etc) and my relationship with her has been no exception. Also, for the past few weeks, she's either been drunk or high every night of the week. It seems like she's pushed everyone and everything out of her life so she can have time to "work on herself".

 

She says we're broken up, and says she only wants me around as a friend until she's certain whether she can handle a serious relationship with me or not. And yet, she calls and wants me to hang out with her, to sleep beside her, and yesterday she called and said she wanted sex. She still occasionally slips up and calls me "sweetie" and that type of thing. She also says she has no interest in anyone else.

 

I really don't understand it... it seems like she wants things to be the way they were before, but doesn't want to call me her boyfriend. It's really strange.

 

I just don't want to slip up and either spend too much / not enough time with her while she's going through whatever kind of emotional turmoil she's putting herself through.

[crw03901]

the same exact thng happened to me, from the sound of it. my girlfriend and I broke up, and then she wanted to be together, but wouldn't call me her boyfriend, then when another guy came along, we fizzled out before i knew what happened, and she didn't feel she'd done anything wrong, because we weren't going out, so she didn't need to break up with me. she was the love of my life, and still is, and i never got closure. here's my advice, and i hope you take it so you don't ever have to be where i am right now: if you want a commitment get one or get the hell out. if you want one and don't get one, when she's gone, you won't know what happened, and it'll be the worst feeling youve ever had, i know it was for me.

[kleptoz28]

She insists that she loves me and doesn't want anyone else. I don't really know what her real issue is.

 

But I would be pretty aggrivated if after all the things she's said I end up in the situation you describe. (sorry to hear that, btw) I'm thinking I should probably set a time limit for how long I'm willing to put up with this without getting some kind of commitment from her. It almost seems ridiculous that she wants to have me around in the same way as before but has an issue with labeling it as a relationship.