With someone else

[getting_on_ok]

Its been two months since she dumped me. Why do I feel like I need to know if she is with someone else??? Why do I care, she treated me like crap. And I didnt handle it right. When I should have dumped her. What's wrong with me?

[ghost69]

are you meeting anyone else or tried? hanging with friends going out?

[waveseer]

It sounds like you haven't fully let go yet. Are you happier without her?

[getting_on_ok]

Yes I go out, I dont have a problem attracting women. I just don't feel like I am ready to date. She's on my mind, I miss her even though she was toxic for me. I don't understand, she treated me pretty bad and we argued all the time.

[waveseer]

Have you accepted that it wouldn't have worked out even if one or both of you behaved slightly differently?

[getting_on_ok]

 

 

 

 

Here is the short story.

[waveseer]

No offense, getting, but your former gf was a stupid jerk.

[getting_on_ok]

She really pulled the wool over my eyes telling me I am the only one, and she is fighting for me. She talked a good game, but her actions were different

[getting_on_ok]

Sometimes I feel like I should of handled it differently.

[waveseer]

Sometimes I feel like I should of handled it differently.

 

In what way?

[getting_on_ok]

In what way?

 

Well I would let that stuff build up in me and I would explode and break up with her and leave then I would come right back. Two weeks into the relationship I told my mom she wasnt the one. Because she was staring at guys when we were walking down the pier. It hurt so bad it just got worse, I thought it would get better but it didnt. I should of went with my first instinct.

[waveseer]

Well I would let that stuff build up in me and I would explode and break up with her and leave then I would come right back. Two weeks into the relationship I told my mom she wasnt the one. Because she was staring at guys when we were walking down the pier. It hurt so bad it just got worse, I thought it would get better but it didnt. I should of went with my first instinct.

 

So next time you will be wiser. That's pretty much how it's always worked for me, learning to trust myself one negative experience at a time.

[getting_on_ok]

Your right I did learn a lot about this one. I tried to believe that she was the one, and that some day I would have kids with her. Everything matched up except for these negative things. Its weird because I truly loved her.

[waveseer]

Yes, it is weird that I can love someone who doesn't treat me well. I'd like to stop that.

[getting_on_ok]

Waveseer, it looks like you have been her for a while, do you know when the pain stops and I can move on. Will I love again? I am 30 years old and I really thought this was the one, she's 25. I just want to forget, I dont understand how she can forget so easily. It just sucks!!

[waveseer]

I do know when the pain stops, when I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired about permanently being apart from him. It was then that I decided not to take him back under any circumstances thus freeing myself. It took me ten months and three days on ena.

[getting_on_ok]

This site has really been a lot of help, I was confused at first on what to do. Because she broke up with me and told me to contact her when i was better. Then about a month later I hear that she misses me and she really loves me still. The person she asked told her not to call me. This guy is a douchbag. So a couple of weeks pass and no call nothing. Deep down, I miss even though the relationship was toxic. I wish things were different.

[waveseer]

I had to get to the point where if I had it to do over I would have ended it much sooner and with greater finality. My ex had gotten to that point long before me, I was way behind in healing.

[getting_on_ok]

Yea I think my ex did a fast forward, but I think it was because this guy was telling her that I was picking up other ladies. Because I went out to a club with him and some girl came on to me. I didn't do anything other then talk. And the problem is I dont have a problem with attracting women, when I go out they seem to flock to me.

[waveseer]

If you attract attention then you will probably heal faster.

[getting_on_ok]

Its helped but still hurts. Because I hate quitting an I wanted to work things out not matter what. I guess I am too loyal when it comes to that. I am like a dog that gets kicked but keeps coming back

[waveseer]

And only you can decide when you've had enough. That decision is the one which allows you to heal and get on with your life freely.

[quirky]

Getting on ok, you are not quiting by understanding that something is not good for you.

 

Maybe another thing that happens is this. If your relationship with your ex was quite extreme maybe you also miss that, the ups and downs, the drama of it all. Ironically people bond through these moments as well because even lots of arguing is still exposing yourself. And sometimes after a tumultuous relationship everything seem flat, no extremes.

 

Your greatest tool is to be patient, disassociate your happiness from your ex and trust life. Maybe it's got something in store for you that you cannot visualise or feel yet..?

 

(By the way, I miss my ex like crazy - I say these things to myself as well in case I manage to fully let go)

[getting_on_ok]

When will this end and what is the plan. Its been two months and I am still hurting.