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Can We Ever 'Probably' Get Back Together?


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Trying to be brief, over the last 9 months, me and my neighbor developed a deep and very loving friendship which over the school year led to a dating relationship. She began liking me in November of '08, and I didn't reciprocate till around April of '09, when I finally realized how awesome a girl she was and what I was missing by not dating her, and we finally started a great, Christ-pursuing relationship.

In the same spring of '09, she graduated at 22 y.o. and left the state for med-school, whereas I, at 20, still have two years of undergrad. However, we decided to 'make the distance work'.

I visited her twice over the summer, we spoke and communicated deeply on a daily basis, and literally I noticed NOTHING out the ordinary except that we seemed to be growing so much. Everything was great and perfect till about 9 weeks into our relationship. I brought up two things that bothered me a little that in turn kinda set the breakup in motion. I told her I was a little uncomfortable with her going out to bars for class parties, and that I felt a little jealous of how much/often she and one of my roommates talked. We kinda went back and forth trying to compromise on these issues, and she said she needed to pray through it. After 2 days, she said she felt like we needed to be broken up, and that it was final. (And yes, I realize my problems with jealousy and insecurity in this case).

I have tried to go NC, but I've failed multiple times. I spoke with her a few times on the phone, and told her all the ways my life has been legitimately changing, and she was SO happy for me, but says she somehow has just lost attraction to me and can't just sit back and expect her heart to change anytime soon. Since then, she has cut off contact on her own to prevent causing my further hurt (which I respect her for, even though it hurts). My biggest question: I was her first legit BF in 22 years, and how can she like me for 8 months, prayerfully consider our relationship, then lose those feelings in just 10 weeks, esp when we only had one little disagreement.

I know it might look like 'immaturity' on her part, but I know her heart, and that she wouldn't break it off unless she truly felt called away. Basically, my plan is this: take the next 4-6 months or so to really work on myself for me, re-evaluate how I feel about her, then if I still like her, go after her heart again. However, I broke up with a girl 2 years ago, and have never regained attraction to her. How can I rebuild attraction with THIS girl from long distance, esp. after I didn't necessarily act like a Man during the breakup, and provide an opportunity for her to see a completely changed person, while not looking overwhelming?


P.S. The heart and spirit this girl has makes it TOTALLY worth the effort.

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Long distance relationships can be very hard. you both have to be 100% commited and you have to compromise your life where you live. She is probably just experiencing new things in her life and growing and changing.The commitment to the relationship is getting in the way of her everyday social stuff. She is probably busy and probably got less time to think about you. Sounds like the relationship is growing apart and she feels it is an effort to make it work. This happens a lot at the time when people go away to university and college. she is probably building a new set of friends.

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Yea for sure, I totally can buy into that. My big question would be the best way for me to take action to reconnect long distance after going it 5 or so months with NC and me making some changes I feel like I should have made to begin with. I know it's "ultimately her choice", but what are some ways to reconnect from long distance?

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