My Dad is sulking, he cheated, divorced, and is having a kid soon.

[volvic]

I don't understand my Dad. I don't want to have anything to do with him and have not communicated with him for months. My first semester of college he was caught cheating on my mother. He came to to me and told me he "made a mistake" crying at the restaurant we was taking me out to. i return in thanksgiving and my parents are separated, my father's personality is strange and warped, my mom cries like a broken record (she was staying in a hotel room). That sucked. My father kept calling me and used me as a emotional pillar. telling me how he was so lonely and sad and he wanted to get back together with my mom. He acted like I had the authority to tell him whether what he was doing was right or wrong or justified. It was strange. Then he'd leave on a two week vacation with this young 30 old woman.My father is in his mid-fifties. Because of my mother my father had access to a lot of money, though he makes some too. He used the money to buy the girl gifts from tiffanies. The girl knew my dad was married. She is skinny and from what I have heard, quite attractive. My parents divorced, my mom tried to make it work, but my father was strange. He wanted to live with his girlfriend and occasionally go on dates with my mom. He wanted both women. I got screwed up and left school for a while which sucks because that is what my life was about. My dad thought girls were inferior and said so (I am not joking). Growing up i had low self -esteem thinking i was innately inferior so I worked very very hard in school to prove to myself and others that I was just as good as my brothers or any boy. The fact that my academics have crashed so far is humiliating. My father's conduct really hurt me. I stopped talking to him after a while and then realized he was my father and that I have to accept him for what he is. I talked with him again. Then I found out that his girlfriend became pregnant. The kid will be born in october. I am currently not having a relationship with my dad, the way he talked with me about it was very childish and selfish. From what I understand the girlfriend decided to stop taking her birth control pills without my dad knowing. My dad is an idiot. When the kid graduates high school my dad will be in his seventies. Also, if the relationship with the girl doesn't work out he'll be stuck paying her. His financial situation is of no concern to me. During the divorce my brothers and I made it clear we were not interested in anything to do with his finances. We gathered that the girl might try to get pregnant and fight for what my dad had. We have already dealt with a lot of heartache and don't need anymore. I feel sorry for my dad, my brothers are still in contact. They say that he is lonely. I guess I would feel lonely too if I was surrounded my people who agreed with me all the time. But he put himself there. He is not pleasant to be around. I know other people say that I have to deal with him. he wants to have the same relationship with his kids that he had before. he does not seem to realize that it is no longer going to be the same. He sulks when we don't comply with him. I am tired of being in a relationship where one party does anything they want regardless of how the other feels and expects the other to deal with a lot of pain to maintain a relationship. He does not treat me as well as my brothers (he is nicer when it is just him and I or maybe when we talked on the phone, but when my brothers show up he is rude and I feel like my purpose there is to hold a physical space nothing more.) My father writes rude e-mails to my brothers and sulks. My brothers were going to meet him, but now they are not because my dad says things that are really messed up. He is a child that has never grown up. I am very sad. I am trying my best in school, but it is hard. I guess i just want to vent. I don't know how to deal with my father, my best approach is to avoid him so far. I never want to meet the girl or the kid. I have no respect for her. The kid can't help the circumstances he or she was born in. My dad is the greatest disappointment. I wish he'd stop attacking my brothers and trying to make them feel like the "bad guys".

[InBruges]

Sounds like no good will come from this relationship. Your best course may be to cut off contact completely and just move on with your life.

[nhisname2002]

I wouldn't break off contact with your dad, but I would make sure you have agree upon boundaries such as:

 

- You're not an emotional springboard for him. He is not to test the waters with you or lay things upon you. You can support him and nod your head, but you will not listen to all of his problems.

 

- You will not tolerate derogatory comments from him about your mom or your siblings. You love all the people in your family equally and it hurts you when someone you care about (your dad) talks bad about the other people in your relationship.

 

- Make it clear that you do not approve of his behavior. He has been selfish and has used people. You also don't believe he is making wise choices for his future. And then leave it at that.

 

Be assertive, but loving. Make it clear. If more people around him give him the same treatment, he may be able to break out of this and get his life back together. You're right, he is acting like a child and like a child, you must love with strength.