So Tired Of This... HELP!!

[Rob1000]

I'm in NC. Have been for 10 weeks. She's broken it twice, opening the wounds right open again!!

 

I keep busy. I'm making lots of new friends. I'm doing everything imaginable to let go and forget about her. So why do I keep confidently imagining us back together one minute then crash and burning the next, breaking down in to inconsolable crying. Why can't I accept what has happened and just move on??? It's been six months, so why am I still crying?? When will this ever end???

[-Sanguine-]

If you were together a long time, it's normal to take a long time to get over it.

 

Maybe I'm just easily attached, but I was with my ex for four months and it took me the same amount of time to get over him..

 

it will end, even though it doesn't feel like it, things will get better. =)

[Zoey]

that makes two of us. it's ok. it seems bad right now but it will get better.

 

i'm going through the same thing myself right now. stay strong with me, ok?

[Rob1000]

that makes two of us. it's ok. it seems bad right now but it will get better.

 

i'm going through the same thing myself right now. stay strong with me, ok? with ya!

[HeartGoesOn]

Since you're in "NC" with her, you're not responding, are you?

[riley123]

Time. Nothing else.

 

I've been there. I know how bad it hurts, but it will get better. The key is training your mind to focus on other things...things that make you happy when she creeps into your mind.

 

Try learning something new...I always wanted to play guitar and finally took lessons after we broke up.

[SnowFox]

If you are still crying consistently six months after the break up, its possible your feelings have shifted from grief to depression.

 

Do you have any other symptoms of depression - problems sleeping, increase or decrease appetite, loss of energy, loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy, social withdrawal, etc. ?

 

You might want to consider going to your doctor and trying a low dose of anti-depressants to help you emotionally stabilize a bit. You wouldn't have to stay on them forever, just for a few months. This could help pull you out of the slump.

 

Other options are taking fish or salmon oil or 5-HTP - both can help with depression - they are supplements, if you google search them, there is a lot of information about how they can help with depression.

 

Good luck!

[Rob1000]

Since you're in "NC" with her, you're not responding, are you?

I respond, politely and straight to the point and thats it. I'm ignoring the next one.

[OrangeMoon]

It will pass Rob..it really really will...just hang in there..

 

Just try and do your best to bring your mind to the present moment..where you are now..your breathing..your surroundings...just enjoying the noice around you...bring yourself to the now as much as possible and stay away from thoughts about past or future...

 

you will get there..I promise..

 

Stay strong..

[Rob1000]

Do you have any other symptoms of depression - problems sleeping, increase or decrease appetite, loss of energy, loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy, social withdrawal, etc.

No trouble sleeping. Appetite fluctuates. Definite loss of interest in things I used to enjoy. Social withdrawal, not really. I'll look in to this further. Thanks a bunch..

 

How do anti-depressants work??

[SnowFox]

Anti-depressants block the re-uptake of serotonin and sometimes other neurotransmitters such as norepinephrine and dopamine so that more of these substances circulate in your brain.

 

Levels of serotonin and the other two neurotransmitters I mentioned have been linked to depression.

 

There are many different antidepressants on the market now and each person will react to them differently based on their body chemistry.

 

5-HTP is a supplement that is an amino acid that your body naturally converts into serotonin. Its an option for people who, for whatever reason, do not want to try taking a medication. It can be purchased at a health food store.

 

here is an on-line test (that is widely used by psychologists) to see if you are depressed:

 

link removed scroll down the page a bit to see the test

[Rob1000]

Anti-depressants block the re-uptake of serotonin and sometimes other neurotransmitters such as norepinephrine and dopamine so that more of these substances circulate in your brain.

 

Levels of serotonin and the other two neurotransmitters I mentioned have been linked to depression.

 

There are many different antidepressants on the market now and each person will react to them differently based on their body chemistry.

 

5-HTP is a supplement that is an amino acid that your body naturally converts into serotonin. Its an option for people who, for whatever reason, do not want to try taking a medication. It can be purchased at a health food store.

 

here is an on-line test (that is widely used by psychologists) to see if you are depressed:

 

link removed scroll down the page a bit to see the test

Thanks TG. I have signs of mild depression. I might go see the doc.

[colly01]

Hi Rob, i've just started a course of anti-depressants as i became so depressed i couldn't work after breakup (with a girl 5+ years, broke up 4 months ago)..couldn't understand what was wrong with me until i went to the doctor and she basically told me i have moderate depression in which my body isn't producing the happy chemical serotonin hence why i'm not enjoying anything in my life anymore and i mean i was enjoying nothing from golf to socialising, i just wanted to fall off the face of the planet..

Anti-depressants give you the serotonin boost you need until you fix yourself and your body starts to produce this naturally, my course is 3 months and then you ween yourself off them slowly until you just don't need them anymore. Talk to your doctor about them as i'm now starting to feel the affects of them and they're defo helping with the depression. i haven't cried in weeks, i'm alot more social and i'm not there yet but starting to feel life has a purpose again. I still miss and love my ex, the anti-depreesants don't take your real feelings away they just help you cope better.

[Rob1000]

Thanks Colly. I'll take your advice. I'll go see him tomorr.

[mr.mac]

Did you ever think to just say to her "either we attempt to get back together or we are done?" And then define done for her - no random calls/texting, no hanging out, nothing - D-O-N-E!

 

And I know you have said that you believe she wants no part of getting back together with you, but if you really believed that I don't think you would be beating yourself up like this. Something inside of you is making you think that there is hope when you yourself say that there isn't any. Maybe you need to push the situation and get some sort of definitive answer for your inner mind to say "enough!"

[Rob1000]

Did you ever think to just say to her "either we attempt to get back together or we are done?" And then define done for her - no random calls/texting, no hanging out, nothing - D-O-N-E!

 

And I know you have said that you believe she wants no part of getting back together with you, but if you really believed that I don't think you would be beating yourself up like this. Something inside of you is making you think that there is hope when you yourself say that there isn't any. Maybe you need to push the situation and get some sort of definitive answer for your inner mind to say "enough!"

 

I hear you. I just don't know. Because is there is no definitive answer. Yes something inside me is saying there is a chance, because something inside her is still keeping it alive. 10 weeks ago she said we were done for good. I respected that, got closure and started moving on. Then she text me asking about my holiday. I was polite and short. A few weeks later I get the email asking for a copy of all our photos and persmission to send my parents a card to say thank you. If you are truly done with your ex, you are most certainly done with your ex's parents. So that has opened my mind to the possibility of re-connection at some point in the future which goes round and round in my head. I don't think giving her an ultimatum is the answer but next time she contacts me, I will definitely say something.

[prettymommy]

Hmmmm..... Rob. Speaking from the other side, I have sent an card to the ex's parents in the aftermath of a split in the past to say thank you. I had no desire to get back together with my ex, but I had fond memories of his family and had appreciated all the did for me, and just kind of felt like I needed to do it to wrap up loose ends. I too contacted the ex to make sure it was okay to do so.

 

Additionally, like most girls I know, I keep all old relationship photos. In an box in my attic. I too have contacted ex's from the past for them. It never meant I wanted them back either, just that I had fond memories of the past and wanted something tangible to hold too..... even if the people in the photos were no longer part of my future.

 

Not trying to get you down.... just maybe trying to give you a little perspective. You seem like you may be making an assumption and I'm not certain it's the correct one. I just wouldn't take as a sign of hope.

[mr.mac]

I don't look at it as an ultimatum. I look at it as defining what a break up is. Her idea seems to be to keep casual contact and that's not working for you. What I'm saying is that it's time for you to take charge and not let her string you along...intentionally or unintentionally.

[bravebird]

your situation sounds very similar to mine. my ex broke up and told me that it was for real this time. he told me he never felt more sad. i clung to the relationship in the past, but this time i had to let go. i realized i was losing my self respect by clinging to him when it was so easy for him to leave me. i told him no contact whatsoever. yesterday he emails me to say hi and to apologize if i don't want him emailing me. grrr...i haven't responded, but i plan on letting him know that it's either contact to reconcile, or stop! let me know what happens from here on out with your situation

[Rob1000]

Thanks pm. You're right. If she wanted to be with me, she would have given me a little more than just this, and I thats how I felt two weeks ago when she first emailed me, but those thoughts soon manifested it in to something else.

 

As much as it hurts, I'm glad you have put me straight. Even the way she wrote her email was similar to your description. You've hit the nail on the head. I've been clinging on to anything I can in the hope of reconciliation and thats why its taken me six months. I feel so down, but in the long run thats probably for the best.

[Rob1000]

I don't look at it as an ultimatum. I look at it as defining what a break up is. Her idea seems to be to keep casual contact and that's not working for you. What I'm saying is that it's time for you to take charge and not let her string you along...intentionally or unintentionally.

 

Yeah. Right again. It's over and I need to get used to it. I need to get over this and move on. I don't think I'll be going to our mutual friends night out in a few weeks either. There'll be other nights out to put my best foot forward next year when I've healed sufficiently, and if the spark we once had is still there then, then I'll be in a better place to deal with it. This is about me, and me only now.

 

If she contacts me again, which I'm sure she will, then she'll be told in no uncertain terms, to leave me alone.

[mr.mac]

Yeah. Right again. It's over and I need to get used to it. I need to get over this and move on. I don't think I'll be going to our mutual friends night out in a few weeks either. There'll be other nights out to put my best foot forward next year when I've healed sufficiently, and if the spark we once had is still there then, then I'll be in a better place to deal with it. This is about me, and me only now.

 

If she contacts me again, which I'm sure she will, then she'll be told in no uncertain terms, to leave me alone.

 

Exactly what needs to be done. Letting her dictate things isn't very fair to you and your healing process.