lucid_Dreamz Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Hi all. So, I’ve been a member of this forum/site for almost two years now. My initial exposure to the site came about shortly after the break up of my 4 year relationship. The guy I had been dating was the love of my life, my everything and then all of a sudden he was gone. To spare you the lengthy details I will simply say that I look back on it now and I KNOW I could have prevented the breakup from happening – at that time anyway. It may have happened in the future during a mutual decision, but I would have much rather that then the sudden ending that occurred. So here I am two years later and still single. I have had a couple short relationships lasting 6-7 months at the most – I can’t seem to have them last more than that. I know there is a reason for this, but I still can’t help but be frustrated by it. With these simple relationships I have experienced lately I can’t seem to get passed that 6 month hump. Everything is such a whirlwind in the beginning of the relationship and then it all seems to fade. I want to feel what I felt when I was dating “the love of my life”. Perhaps I am trying to hard? Looking for love in all of the wrong places? Who all believes that love usually finds you when you are least expecting it? If that’s that case, how do I stop being impatient and stop looking for it? I honestly hate those online dating sites – but I can’t imagine how else I would meet someone. So I suppose my question is - after 2 years why am I still thinking of him when my relationships fail? Why do I still have that little ache in my heart when I think of him with her? How do I get passed it? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Because he is your last serious relationship. But you need to realise that is the past, learn from those mistakes and keep trudging through all of those bad eggs until you get one. It is a hard world out there for dating, but keep positive and you WILLf ind someone Link to comment
gee Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Because he is your last serious relationship. But you need to realise that is the past, learn from those mistakes and keep trudging through all of those bad eggs until you get one. It is a hard world out there for dating, but keep positive and you WILLf ind someone ^This is good advice. I'm almost at the 2yr mark and have been unsuccessful w/ dating myself. Never had a relationship since. Just going on several dates thats all. Instead of putting yourself in these 6-7 month relationships why not try being single until you heal from your ex. It's not easy at all and I totally understand how you are feeling. You want something new and not what you had with your ex! Stop looking for love! Try to get past your past and heal properly. Love will eventually find you but it's all about timing. Have patience, faith and always be positive! Hand in there! gee Link to comment
lucid_Dreamz Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 I think the mistake I made was getting into a relationship too quickly after meeting someone new. I never really “dated” per say. I became exclusive too quickly. I have spent a large amount of the last two years single with only two “relationships” lasting 6 months. So, I suppose I have spent a year of my last two single. Link to comment
sirenita Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I absolutely feel your pain... I was with my ex from age 19 to age 25, and when we broke up it was primarily my decision (felt I hadn't had enough experiences, didn't know who I was without him, etc). We basically decided we would separate, try to live our lives independently for a while, and then come back together. Long story short, I fell into another fairly serious relationship before I was over him, and then he did as well. Now I'm still with this man- who is wonderful in every way possible, but I just don't have the same "so in love" feelings that I had for my ex. And my ex has moved on- he is very serious with this girl, and I'm sure they'll end up getting married. The problem is, I spend every day ruminating about how I "failed", how I could have made this work, how we could still be together. I'm sure to some extent I'm over idealizing, but it just hurts. And he's no longer interested in getting back together with me. By the way how old are you? I ask because I kind of have a little theory about this. I was young when we met (19), and fell in love. Now that I'm in my late 20s, I almost have this feeling that you don't fall in love the same way when you're older. I dated in high school, but he was really my first love. In a very consuming and passionate way. Eventually that faded to a certain extent, to be sure, but we were together for 6 years! Anyways, now I'm with this wonderful man, who I care very much about. however, that intense connection I had with my ex just isn't there. I'm not willing to give up on our relationship yet, because I don't want to make the same mistake I made before. But does anyone else feel like, the older you get, the "less" you fall in love? Perhaps because priorities or something change? I don't know, I struggle with this all the time. Link to comment
Thornbirds18 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Honestly I think that this happens all the time with lots of people! I've been looking for love for 10 years but out of luck. Just be patient. You miss your ex maybe simply because you're single but he isn't. I just found it hard for some people to find love, but it's darn easy for the other. Being single is hard but it can be a blessing, depending on how you view it. Take it light, date, observe, and don't become exclusive unless you find a relationship material. Keep the faith and you never know when love will find you. Even if not, be happy with yourself and enjoy life! Link to comment
Thornbirds18 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I also noticed that the more you experience, the more your heart is broken, and the older you get it's harder to fall in love again. I found that I begin to follow my brain more and I like to guard my heart to avoid being hurt again. Sad fact and I really don't know where my love is! I thought I found it with my ex...I'm completely burned after investing too much in that relationship Link to comment
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