Russ Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Hey all, So this morning, girlfriend calls me crying. Through my cunning ways of obtaining information, I got out of her that the family cat died overnight. Now.. if it's one thing that I'm not smooth about, it's things dying. I suck with that. I'll be seeing her later today. What should I do to try and make it easier on her? Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Just let her talk and hug her. You can take a walk. Oh, and buy her a chocolate. lol Link to comment
teabee Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I think chocolate is a good idea too! Or any small gift. A little stuffed animal? As far how you should act, I suggest asking a lot of questions so she can talk and express what she's going through. Ask her how she's been handling it, what she's going to miss, what the cat meant to her, etc. All you have to do is listen! You can always put a comforting hand on her knee/arm/wherever to show her you're listening and you care. Careful with certain statements, because what you consider comforting ("Look on the bright side! At least...") might not be comforting for her. Listening is best! Link to comment
Russ Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 I think chocolate is a good idea too! Or any small gift. A little stuffed animal? As far how you should act, I suggest asking a lot of questions so she can talk and express what she's going through. Ask her how she's been handling it, what she's going to miss, what the cat meant to her, etc. All you have to do is listen! You can always put a comforting hand on her knee/arm/wherever to show her you're listening and you care. Careful with certain statements, because what you consider comforting ("Look on the bright side! At least...") might not be comforting for her. Listening is best! Yeah, that's exactly what I fear. Should I REALLY be reminding her of her cats death constantly? Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Be there for her, take your cues from her. If she wants to cuddle then cuddle her. Ask her what she wants to do, that's the best way - she might just want to watch TV and try and forget about it, she might want to talk. Make an effort to ask her if she wants or needs anything that you can get for her. If you can't think of much to say then don't, let her do most of the talking, or stick to generic hair-stroking and 'there there' noises. I was dating a nice enough guy when I found out my aunt was dying of lung cancer and he handled it pretty badly, couldn't stop saying the wrong thing. It was like he didn't realise he was being insensitive. All he had to do really was say 'I'm really sorry, is there anything I can do for you?'. Really, that's all you need. Link to comment
Russ Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 Yeah, I basically told her just that, that I'm really bad at this sort of thing, but that she should know that if she needs anything, I'm there. Link to comment
NightLily Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Wrap around her and just let her lay in your arms. If she is up to it, you could try renting a movie and watching it together to get her mind off of it. Something a little light hearted. Link to comment
Sunny1607307996 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Take your cues from her. If she wants to talk about the cat, listen, if she wants to cry, hold her. If she doesn't want to talk about it then distract her as best you can. Be aware that she may want to talk about it, then not want to, then bring it up again later in the day. If she wants to talk about it maybe you could ask what kind of cat, or if you've met the cat mention "I'll always remember how he used to...". Whatever you do, don't show up with a kitten! Haha believe it or not I've seen it happen. She doesn't want a replacement. Just be there for her and be sympthetic. Good luck! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 The last thing I wanted when my dog died...was for people to ask me about it. Bring her chocolates and just be a little more affectionate than normal. Link to comment
remmie111 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 OMG! mY CAT JUST DIEd TOO. ok, you act just like you would a close friend dying. Pets are like therapists and give unconditional love. She might also feel guilty. so listen to her. also look to the nearest shelter and find out if they have a pet death support group, then offer to take her and go with her. also ask them about cremation services where they provide a cedar box with a lock n key and the pets name or some such thing. These things mean alot and she will love you forever for your sensitivity and concern. Good Luck Link to comment
Russ Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 I failed. Her dog died, not the cat. But I did show her a really good time, and she's got a Lil Wayne concert to go to with a friend today, so she seems occupied for the time being. Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Her dog died, not the cat. lol i so hope she has no clues you failed Link to comment
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