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Frustrated and torn..... Dunno


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Here's my last story for an update...

 

 

For the last couple days I have been really contemplating reaching out to my ex.. Its bugging me more because I started to hang out with someone else. Someone I enjoy hanging out with but I don't see a future with. Without going into detail, I explained to the new girl I'm not "ready"...

 

I guess I am just stuck because I dont know what to expect when it comes to my ex. I had let the thought of us getting back together go after we broke up, but after meeting with her I realized how much I would love to try it again. How much I truly care about her and feel for her. She is in a "confused" state. She told me she wants to be with me but is scared of "messing it up again" and failing. I had taken the time to reflect on the issues we had and convinced myself why now is not the time for us. That issues she had with us were because she didn't understand how relationships work. I was her first "Love" and serious relationship.. After we talked she addressed some of those issues and told me what she realized. I got the idea from her that she is starting to understand what we had.. That she understood alot of aspects I didn't think she would...

 

Now I sit here and wonder if I should contact her. I wrote her a text, "I wanna let you know I'm thinking of you and I hope you are well.."

I haven't sent it and I'm not sure if I should...

 

I'm trying to weigh each side of sending it or not...

 

If I send it am I pushing her? Does it help or hurt my situation?

 

If I dont does it push away the chance of things working out?

 

Im not willing to be a doormat, but at the same time I would love to have some kind of clarity... I would be willing to work everything out together, her issues and insecurities, etc... I just don't know if I should wait for contact from her or contact her and show her that I am supportive....

 

Wuts ur guy's thoughts?

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Its more been on my side... A couple weeks before we met I told her not to contact me anymore becuase she said we "can't" be together. Then she called, we met up, and she told me she missed me and loved me, etc... That she knows she said we "can't" be together but she doesn't feel that becuase she can't get over me. That 90 percent of her wants to be with me but 10 percent is too scared..

Now I dont know if I sit back and wait for her to figure it out or do I contact her and maybe help her with that so called 10 percent and make her feel more comfortable about it...

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What exactly is your ex scared of? From reading your previous posts, it doesn't seem to be you... so what is it? Commitment?

 

Since I don't know the intricacies of your story to the tee, something tells me you should contact her. It could be because I contacted my ex a few weeks back and though he doesn't want a relationship with anyone (reconciliation is possible), we're getting to know each other like never before. Maybe she just wants to ease into things...? It seems you're an "all or nothing" kind of guy which I totally understand, but after a break up I believe things should progress slowly.

 

Why not slowly get to know each other again and maybe she'll feel more comfortable opening up and easing into a relationship...?

 

But definitely go with what you logically feel, as Waveseer said...

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Thats the thing that is kinda messin with my head... Since the break up we went NC... After 7 weeks we met up to exchange a few things becuase I was moving. Since then its been a rollercoaster. She had contacted me every week or so. She went on some dates with a guy the went to her church that her family pushed her to do. She broke it off with him because she still was in love with me...

 

We broke up because she was very insecure. She had a major problem with the fact I was with someone prior to her for 5 years and engaged. I never gave her any reason to be bothered by it. Never talked about her and was completely 100% over the prior relationship. I was completely into her.

The other thing was she didn't feel constantly reassured that she was my main priority... She needed constant reassurance. It was hard for me to figure out exactly what she wanted me to do because I was with her 6 days out of the week for 19 months..

 

When we met up she addressed those situations. First she said she knows she needed to let my past go. That I can't be held accountable for me having more relationship experience than her. That she realized focusing and being bothered by my past does nothing but harm to our relationship. Then she said that although she told me she wanted to be swept off her feet, she realized I was doing that in my own way, to the best I could do. That maybe she didn't get flowers all the time, but when she comes over and I go out and wash her car, or change her oil, that in my way its the same as giving her flowers...

 

In some ways it makes me feel like some situations have light shed on them now and we would be able to take a better approach.

 

The other problem is that she still seems confused. She is emotionally screwed up right now. When we met she cried the whole time and was very confused at what to do to make herself happy...

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Im not really an all or nothing kind of guy, its just our relationship ended over something comletely petty.. I dont know if I could take it slow and start off friends because I feel like its the situation I'm in now... Confusion...

 

We shouldn't have broken up and thats one of the things she said when we talked last weekend. That it was a mistake to have broken up. BUT in the same conversation she said she was too scared to fail at our relationship again and is confused at what to do..

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Well the way I see it, the only way the two of you will "fail" at the relationship is if you both don't put in the effort to make it work. So in essence, it seems she's afraid of being hurt...?

 

Your situation just seems like a big misunderstanding... you both want to be together, but her fear of failing is getting in the way... its unfortunate. Because at the end of the day, if there was no risk involved, you wouldn't value it as much (the relationship).

 

Also, I wasn't really suggesting to be friends per say... but just re-dating. She's afraid and for whatever reason, something in your past relationship was scaring her. If she feels like, "...Either we get back together or I can't talk to you" she's going to retreat beause that is "safe" for her.

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