How do you know when the time is right?

[britgirl]

Hi Guys,

 

You know when you just keep thinking "I am not ready for a relationship just yet."

 

Well how do you know when you *are* ready? Do you suddenly wake up one day feeling excited about it all? That there is life out there after all.........that that person could be out there?? Or is it a slow realisation? You know baby steps..............Can anybody please explain this to me?

 

I have a friend that says "The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody."

 

How do you know when the time is right for you? Should you just kind of do the dating thing even if you don't really feel up to it? I have kind of half-heartedly joined a dating site and yes there are lots of seemingly decent guys out there looking for the same as me..........but how do I know I am not just on the rebound?

 

Britgirl

 

[Alabama]

I had the same problem. I knew when I was ready for a relationship when I realized it myself. I knew after a while how to treat girls, and I knew it was because of my kindness. Really once I understood the consequences of my actions of a relationship, and I had matured...then I knew I was ready for one.

[Princess777]

I think you are ready when you stop comparing your ex to every potential mate. For me, I did this constantly until I was over the ex. You know, for me, it was at first purely physical stuff, you look at somebody and think, yeah, he's good looking, but not as good looking as my ex. Or, hmmm I think he's funny but my ex always knew exactly what made me laugh. And it just escalates from there..... but I think you're ready when you totally stop doing that. It's your mind's way of releasing you from that tether of comparing every poor sap that comes along. I think as long as you're thinking about your ex in a hopeful manner, you won't be happy with anyone because you're not being fair to yourself or to the new person. The saying about getting under someone to get over someone, unfortunately, works for some people, but is usually only short lived. It can definitely boost your confidence to get laid, let's all admit, but, really, when the novelty wears off, what do you have left? Usually a regret, sometimes not. It depends on who it was with and the circumstances. Will you ever see them again, will it be awkward? Yes, we're human and those needs to be fulfilled, which I think a lot of people try to sweep under the rug because of the so-called "shame" of having sex that is so widespread, especially in the U.S. I don't believe it is shameful but I feel that you should be choosy about whom you sleep with, not to mention being safe.

 

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I feel you are ready for a relationship when you can honestly tell yourself that you think about your ex in a neutral manner, you neither hate nor want him back, and it's okay to still love them, after all, if you really love someone, you'll always love them. But it's when you stop giving them power over your emotions that you can move on with your life.

Hope I've helped some. Good luck.