Breaking up with a shy girl

[skywalker89]

I am dating one of my co-workers for exactly a month and it seems as if the relationship has not gone very far. Personally, I don't feel that I am very emotionally attached or even that involved in the relationship. I really don't know how she feels about it, because she is extremely shy and wouldn't really talk about it. It's very hard to communicate with her or even tell her how I feel.

 

At the beginning of the relationship, I really wanted things to work out. I thought that if I gave her a chance, she would come around and turn for the better. The sad truth is, is that nothing has really changed. I don't really know what the problem is. I know it can't be the fact that we don't hang out enough because we do ( almost too much). But every time we are together, there are a lot of awkward silences and dead conversations. I try to bring up topics but then any type of question or statement usually gets answered by a "Oh yea" or "Yea, that's cool". Usually nothing more than that.

 

Another problem is that I don't even know why she wants to be in this relationship or even why she likes me. Is it because she just wants the title of "girlfriend"? I really don't know. Ok, so some of you might say why don't you ask her then. Again, these type of conversations seem to be avoided by her so I would like to know how to ask her this and open her up to wanted to talk about it.

 

All in all, I just don't think that this relationship is working out. I don't even feel attracted to her anymore. Another sad issue is ( although I haven't yet), I could see myself possibly cheating on her if given an opportunity. Which to me is insane! because I've always wanted to be that boyfriend who could be loyal to his girlfriend and not be a jerk. I really believe that it would be the best if I ended the relationship soon, so that she doesn't become more attached and making it harder on her. If I do end it, I want to be caring about it and be as nice as possible because she still is my friend and I still do care about her as a person.

 

Any advice or comments are welcome!!

[flowery]

Im a shy girl... very shy.... has she had many previous relationships? if no, that could almost certainly be why. When i dated first, i was shy and didn't say much. Didn't know how to act... blahblah....

 

Have you spoken to her at all about the way she is..in a nice way. I was probably really shy, and didn't say much and jsut go with the flow type thing, but at the time i was not aware that i was so shy or didn't say much. She may not be either.

 

If you want to give her one more chance to see where it goes, sit her down and tell her its important and that she needs to tell you how she feels about you. if she finds it hard, then too bad...but if she is just shy, she might open up more with a bit of a push first. When you hang out what do you do? watch tv? try taking her to a place, that is fun that may allow her to open up.

 

I know how hard it can be to open up to someone if your shy. ive been with my bf for 5 months and find it hard to tell him how i feel in actual words.....

 

but....If you really dont feel much for her anymore, it is best to break it off.Just say that you feel that you are better suited as friends.

[skywalker89]

Im a shy girl... very shy.... has she had many previous relationships? if no, that could almost certainly be why. When i dated first, i was shy and didn't say much. Didn't know how to act... blahblah....

 

This is both our first relationship and I understand that. Not everyone is perfect there first go around. But I want to know how to change that. How can I bring it up to her issues of our relationship? What's a simple and straightforward way of asking how the relationship is going? ( or should I just say that)

 

I want her to be comfortable to in talking to me about it, because I know she avoids that type of conversation. She avoided telling me why she even liked me or what she saw in me. Because of that, I just think that is one of the reasons why I think I am losing any connection between the two of us.

[bronte]

I think you should just ask her how she's feeling. I'm shy, too, and agree with the poster who said that when she first started dating she had no idea HOW quiet she was being. I definitely had my share of conversations with early boyfriends that started with them saying, "Hey, I'm having trouble reading you--how are you feeling about things?" or some variant thereof.

 

That being said, though, it sounds like it might be too late for this particular relationship, if you're thinking that you'd like to cheat on her! Talking to her directly might give you a better idea of where she stands emotionally, but it will probably take quite a while for her to be an equal contributor in everyday conversations and that kind of thing, based on your description of her. You'll have to decide whether she's worth being patient for or not...