rich 1517 - make move on her?

[rich_1517]

arrggghh. im having an extremely bad day.

 

this whole thing has got my head in a vice. i have become shell shocked.

 

my brother suggested something interesting. make a move on her. no really just go for the back rub or the kiss and see how she responds. hadnt thought of that, by now in the dating process i would have definitely done it. she wants to date so um, sure.

 

then is she balks or backs off, talk to her.

 

interesting idea. i dont know, but i know how to set it up. no distractions, couch and fire place. then just tell her to turn around. and start. i think maybe i have been so "gunshy" from ehr words that i treat this with kid gloves while walking on eggshells.

 

it would definitely make things clearer quickly.

 

im alittle nervous, i have had dizzy spells the last two days for no reason. i may be over tired from all of this, i dont know. kind of frustrating.

 

but let me hear your thoughts, i think talking is still important, if only to point out that nobodies making a move this way. honestly with spring here and both of us not feeling any romance for some time, it dont look good. but i need to screw that thinking and quick. if i keep setting out to lose i will.

 

getting her to open up and commit to anything seems very difficult.

[rich_1517]

well i am definitely clearer but very bummed.

 

im realising i gave away sooo much. that im not sure i have her respect even.

 

i mean who would respect a guy who agreed to be in a dating situtation like this after three years together. maybe im being too hard on myself. i just feel my bargaining power for tomorrow is low. but have to remember i am a good catch. if she doesnt know that then i am better off.

 

at least i can stop focusing on turning me into "the better guy" and just be me.

[Mar]

Which is exactly what I've been telling you all along......lol Rich, you are putting SO much thought into this whole thing, and the reason I'm so "hard" on you, as you say, is because I'm trying to make you realize that NO one should have to work this hard for a relationship, regardless of the past and what hurts may have been caused then. You shouldn't have to prove anything, or go through this constant testing you're going through. Heck, you don't even have a GPA right now telling you how you're doing!

 

Yes, you should absolutely just be you. Isn't that who you want to be accepted as? If it takes THIS much thought and "walking on eggshells" (which you shouldn't have to do at this point, no way no how) then there's something still very off about this whole relationship. The idea of dating again means that you put the past in the past and you start over. And yes, I KNOW the past is going to be there regardless and that you can't let go of it completely, but you also have to consider the fact that, if a person accepts dating again as a means of possibly starting over, they're doing so with the understanding that things are going to change, and that you have to enter into this "new" relationship slightly different from who you were, supposedly having LEARNED from those past mistakes. And if she's holding back because she still doesn't trust you, that's not saying a lot for her taking a new step forward, which is why I've been so frustrated with your situation. You've gone to great lengths to make her comfortable, accede her wishes, not offend her, not rush her, etc., and what have you gotten in return? Think about that for a bit.

 

My whole point being, you shouldn't have to get physically ill over a relationship. When the stress of it takes THAT much of a toll on you, there's something not working. And no, I'm not being "hard", I'm being honest. I'm taking the past into consideration, and the wrongs you may have done to her......but I'm also considering the wrongs she's done to you, and continues to do.

 

Mar

[rich_1517]

yeah mar.

 

i know, its just so much loss in one year. im so NOT myself right now. this has taken its toll. i wihs i could see clearly what to do, what to say. but i cant right now. my confidence is low again becuase i am looking this directly in the face and i dont like what i see.

 

so i will just show up as me tonight. that also means my hurt too, i dont know if there is any other way. i could just let it be my anger, but that would cause more hurt for me long run.

 

i am sooo sad right now, this is not what i wanted. i dont respect myself around this anymore. and the path to self acceptance seems to be flushing it.

 

the only question now (again), is there any middle road? is there no path besides tell her to show up or take hike?

 

well my plan now is just to keep it fairly simple:

 

-> i think we are following the same plan with this "dating" that caused us to fail. one person waiting for the other ....

-> i have been patiend and understanding..

-> you seem to be turning me into a friend....

-> passion gets lost becuase....

-> trying also means trying if it is just friends, being a friend enough to walk away and let me get over you.

-> what are your reservations?

-> you will have to make some tangible effort for me not to move on

-> end it