Breaking up...Help

[dontknowmyself]

Hi ...I am writting here, I have no idea who to speak to, for some reason I seem to have pushed everyone close to me away and I just cant talk to anyone about how I really feel

 

basically me and my ex have been up and down for the last 4 yrs! I kick him out, we get back together etc. Recently I was horrible and selfish and I cheated I hate myself for doing it but maybe it was a cry for help I have no idea.

 

Anyway this was playing on my mind and on friday I kicked him out and he knew I ment it aswell, he went wandering round the streets crying (hes never cried about it before) the police picked him up and took him to his dads. He text me 117 times that night, some lovey texts and some really really horrible ones.

 

We had been together since 2000 so it is really hard. We have 2 children together ages 4 and 3.

 

I feel like I just wanna hug him, I have never broken someones heart before But I know what I have done is probably the best thing all round. The kids cant grow up and see this

 

I want more than anything to be a family and its killing me it really is but at the same time part of me is excited for this new life and just worry about me and kids...

 

I feel awful and I feel like I may have given him false hope in my text replys. He sounded sucidal I didnt know what to do Now I have made it worse he thinks he is coming back.....

[looscroo]

You should definitely not be giving him false hope. That makes is sooo much harder. Since you know you do not want to be with him, you need to make that clear. It may be hard, and maybe it seems kind to let him think it may not be over, to avoid crushing him, but false hope crushes over and over and over...... Be honest, no matter how hard it is on him, and make it clear you will not change your mind. And stick with that.

[In the Dark]

Why do you think you want a 'new' life?

Whats wrong with the old one except for the fact YOU ruined it.

You have someone who loves you then you cheated on him.

 

Why?

 

Why did you cheat on him?

 

Why do you hurt him?

 

What did he do to you?

 

Did he ever cheat on you?

[dontknowmyself]

sorry I dont think I have explained myself completely, I am not complety in the wrong, my ex mentally abused me for years, with both the children I have brought them up myself pretty much. He used to stay in bed till gonr 3pm and then stay on the xbox live all day. He didnt try and get a job and support us and if I nagged it just started a row. Thats probably why I cheated. For attention.

 

I know he loves me, He just really didnt expect me to get him to leave and mean it, Im so confused wether I love him or wether its just how im used to feeling?

[looscroo]

sorry I dont think I have explained myself completely, I am not complety in the wrong, my ex mentally abused me for years, with both the children I have brought them up myself pretty much. He used to stay in bed till gonr 3pm and then stay on the xbox live all day. He didnt try and get a job and support us and if I nagged it just started a row.

 

 

 

Sounds like my Ex. Not a good situation, at all. I stuck around for a long time expecting him to finally man up and do something. Ocasionally he would hold a job for 2-3 months to get me off his back, but would always end up getting fired, of course it was always through no fault of his own. It is really hard to walk away, but once you decide to do it, you need to stick by that decision instead of second, third, and fourth guessing yourself, or you'll be stuck in a situation you know you don't want/need to be in.

[In the Dark]

Hmm I have been on the outside of a situation like this.

They had a kid, he became lazy, assuming the kid was a tie between them.

He became fat, he didn't care about whatever she was doing.

He didn't take a shower for a month, until his GF dragged him in there with him.

He would rather go out with his friends than go out with her.

Paid more attention to the computer than he did to her.

 

But I think you really went overboard with the cheating.

Sure you caught his attention but now that leaves a huge scar on the relationship.

One that may never be sewn up.

 

There is a kick in the pants but cheating is a kick to the nuts which leaves one unrepariable.

[dontknowmyself]

He doesnt even know I cheated I cant tell him as he would get very angry and its probably in my best intrests not to tell him.

 

looscroo- Sounds exactly like him, he would get a job and then get sacked for laziness, of course hw would always blame me saying I didnt used to make his lunch right etc.

 

Despite the way he treated me I do care about him, I been with him since I was 13 and I am now 22, my life feels empty without him. I really hope he heals soon.

[In the Dark]

Do you really think you can live with knowing you cheated on him and keep it a secret.

Right now it's a permanent scar on you.

It's going to make you sick hiding this scar.

 

Better you tell him sooner rather than later.

The sooner you tell him the quicker he will have that trust backin you.

Reason being, holding a lie or horrible secret for a long time, will make your partner believe there are more secrets which you have hidden.

How long, who knows, he won't be able to tell.

But in the back of his head he will always have suspicion of you.

Even more so the longer you keep it a secret.

[dontknowmyself]

When I say new life, I just mean being able to be in my house and not worry about what I have to say, I could have a disagreement with him at night as I would be to scared to sleep if I knew he was angry downstairs, Able to have my family over ( he never liked them) and for the kids to not worry about being noisy.

[looscroo]

I know it's hard. You can't hold yourself responsible for what he's feeling, what he's going through. You need to worry about you and your children. It is terribly lonely, especially when you have cut all ties with friends. I am trying to reconnect with the people I have lost touch with while I was with him. They do not fill that void, but as I look at it neither did he. Sure, he was there, but it was because I was with him that the rest of my life was neglected. I find myself with no life of my own. As lonely as I am, it is still better than being with him, because as soon as I pull myself out of my funk, I can start to rebuild my life. I feel that the last three years of my life were totally wasted, I stopped living. I am glad to be rid of him, as hard as it was at first.

 

I admire that you recognise what you need to do. I knew I shouldn't be with him, but didn't want to leave because I had no one else in my life. It took him walking away from me to realize that I could live without him.

[Charis1978]

doesn't anyone else think 100 texts in one night is kinda crazy?

[dontknowmyself]

Thank you for all the replys....Im sure everything will get sorted out with time. I hope they do.

 

I am just worried about him turning nasty, im not to sure on the laws or anything to do with harassment etc.

 

He sent me some texts saying I better watch out etc and then he sent me some flowers....seems hes all over the place?

 

Its killing me inside but I cant cry all day as I have children to look after.

[dontknowmyself]

He phoned me in tears (hearing him in tears chokes me up) he was begging me to come home, I said no (and it really did kill me)

 

He said I stabbed him in the heart and it makes me feel like crap but I know he needs to sort his anger problems out before anything else. He wont admit that.

 

I can see this all happening again if we got back together and it would be worse on the kids. I feel like a horrible horrible person right now but why is he ringing me saying he will kill himself, what am I supposed to say?