Boyfriend acting distant...how to cope?

[tattoobunnie]

Hi Everyone. Been with my guy, steady, for the past seven months...past week or so, he's been much less in communication. While he is definitely not ignoring me, and we have seen eachother a bit...he seems to be in his own little world.

 

With the whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" viewpoint of noting this behavior, and us talking about it. He tells me 3 times out of the year, he gets into this "drawn away from the world" mood. So while normally it's natural to hone in and get all needy wondering if it's all me, I'm trying to make some plans with friends and loved ones, and give him some time for his own sake.

 

While I do wonder...why does it happen...and how long it takes other men to snap out of it...

 

And I'm finding my friends, while I do make time for them often...are up to their own stuff, and most live distances away. Does anyone have suggestions for things to do, besides my go-to move, which is work-a-holic mode? Exercise is a given...but that usually only sucks up an hour...

[vivia12]

in Men are from Mars,i believe Gray says let him retreat to his cave,i also read other authors on that subject when a man distances himself from you,let him distance and go about your business, go out with friends, go do things you enjoy without him in it but you dont have to be mean to him,

always be positive this will let him know,hey sweetcakes,i do care for you but i do have a life and hopefully you'll join me in it.

[tattoobunnie]

yeah...it's a neat book...looking for suggestions on what to do...past three months, I've been so busy with family and friend obligations and events that we both attended, that I'm a little out of the loop on ideas to keep myself busy

 

P.S. I'm a little low on the dough these days (attending weddings & b-days, so expensive)...any cheap or free activity ideas welcomed!

[enchanted771]

Does he maybe have a stressful situation going on? money? work? when guys get stressed, they zone out. Have you tried link removed?

[tattoobunnie]

Oh...totally forgot about that site...I'll check it out.

 

Well, for me, I think the neediness has grown this week, since I got turned down by the bank for a mortgage (being self-employed has its strikes in this economy), and instead of winning this award, I was selected instead as a finalist (um, yes, I know, that's completely retarded to be bummed about). And the only thing I got going on these days is work, and another company I'm building. Personal-wise...nada!

 

I guess I need to start making more friends. Literally also in the past few months, a bunch of friends got a house/apt, others making babies, people got married...all awesome, just gotta find new things, cause lots of things have been changing around me.

[enchanted771]

I can relate. I have been unemployed since June. I knew i should have quit 2 months prior. Now, i have to be smart because cant say i was fired and they know, they need an admin. Anyways, i know that change is hard. Do you live in a big city?

[Car Chick]

I get withdrawn from the world like that too. It's from my depression problems. He may have a depression problem.

[tattoobunnie]

Actually, I live in a county outside of NYC...most of my good and best buds live in a particular borough...and god bless em', unlike me, don't drive...hahahah.

 

Ugh...getting laid off stinks...well...do you feel okay about being out of there?

[enchanted771]

Yeah, because i felt like i was walking on eggshells.

[tattoobunnie]

While I'm leaving him completely be...replying to some short emails/text of his, I had a painful biopsy yesterday. My guy, on his "man-period" of distance...I know he hasn't been there for me. While sure, people can need their space, but it makes me wonder...perhaps a guy who needs to redraw 3x a year, is most definitely not the guy for me.

 

I've been hoping that he'll magically snap out of it, but who am I kidding. He knows himself better than I can, and I've got no desire to change him. I have little experience in men who behave like this. And his behavior is far from praise. I don't expect people to be perfect, but I rather be with people who can show that they care about you.

 

Thank you enchanted771. I signed up for a meet-up group, and in addition, am having buddies come and play.

 

I talked to him about this last weekend, calmly...he is who he is...it's up to me to decide if he's the one for me.

 

I don't consider us in a committed relationship...the kind where we talk about our future together...should I take it as a sign that he's thinking of jumping ship?