Compromising on our brand new place

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hmm great ideas...He's talking table saws (*sp) and the saws you cut trees down with. I don't want to crush his ideas but I don't know where a table saw is going to fit.

 

As I mentioned in my new thread, his family wants to "gift" him with boxes full of nicknacks they have no room for that have no general purpose. I do not want to be rude but we do not have the room to store the things they no longer have room in their houses for.

 

Saws are for a garage or work room, not for a condo. It sounds to me like this has a lot to do with him not being realistic. Often pack rats are not realistic because they are driven by their obsession. Being a pack rat is almost like having an addiction because the person does anything to feed that addiction to collecting and hoarding. From the people I know who are pack rats, it was learned behaviour from one or both of their parents. Here is something from Wikipedia on compulsive hoarding removed[/i].

[MissKnowitall]

I have to say that you have been the best help of all. Believe me! It's been inherited haha! I've known him for seven years and it wasn't until the prospect of having his own place that he really gauged an interest in "collecting".

[MissKnowitall]

I looked at the pics from your link and that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. He has a couple relatives that are much worse than the examples given.

[MissKnowitall]

Look at your statements that I have put in bold. Using words like that really don't leave much room for compromise. Suppose he used words like that about the things that he wants - do you think that would lend itself to being able to compromise?

 

Before saying "I want to compromise" you had better take another look at how uncompromising you already are.

 

Look at your statements that I have put in bold. Using words like that really don't leave much room for compromise. Suppose he used words like that about the things that he wants - do you think that would lend itself to being able to compromise?

 

Before saying "I want to compromise" you had better take another look at how uncompromising you already are.

 

You have no idea how much my willingness to even consider thrift stores and garage sales is a HUGE compromise for me. I'm sorry I don't do second hand. I never have and never thought I would. It means alot to him and although I don't understand it, I've just accepted it's important to him and I will not lose sleep by it.

 

If I had my way uncompromising then everything would be brand new delivered from the store. I would hire an interior decorator to assist me in all decisions down to the last detail. I would indulge my passion for art, there would be absolutely NO nicknacks displayed, no family photos, indoor mini gardens and most likely look like a show home ready for its magazine spread.

 

That is my ideal and it may not be yours or others in this forum but I'm not looking for approval of my taste. Its not going to happen because my bf would never feel comfortable in such a place. I can live happily in a more traditional home with a mix of new and used pieces that isn't professionally decorated if it means that it can feel like home to us both. His family is important to him so I expect pictures of his parents, siblings, and grandmother prominently displayed. He is going to make beautiful indoor mini gardens and has been selecting flowers and plants to turn our patio into a garden. He doesn't like the idea of hiring a professional decorator so we are doing it all ourselves together. We're not even going to have a housekeeper or other help.

 

I clean for him and when he gets home from work there is always a hot dinner favorite waiting for him. He is my king and I would never have even considered being the slightest domestic but I love him and enjoy doing these things. I'm not a child or a naive little woman. I know what I'm doing and just need some creative ideas to figure this all out.

 

He would actually let me just do what I want if I insisted strongly enough. However, he currently rents a basement suite and has never had a place of his own. He is extremely excited about having a place to collect "antiques" and that his family is "gifting" him with their prized possessions (boxes of rocks and other important and valuable heir looms *sigh*). I have friends that go to estate auctions and an aunt that is an antique dealer I have inquired with about good auctions to check out. He prefers to go to the one his relatives go to and wants to make afternoons of going with his parents. I don't mind spending the quality time with his family but I've seen all their "great finds". I also fear the pressure of supporting his excitement when his parents suggest he bid on something great!

 

I want to tread carefully because I love him and don't want to just shut down most of his ideas and kill his excitement. I also don't want it to come accross that I'm too good for what is good enough for his family. Even if the truth is that their lifestyle freaks me out! I want to be able to offer suggestions, alternatives, and ideas which I'm having a hard time coming up with on my own. I've found enough warnings that junk will likely slowly accumulate with his family's lifestyle as it is, their generosity, and his recent habit of buying things that he will never use/need/get rid of because its a great deal.

 

I coach my employees on money management, a philosophy of living below one's means, and spending wisely but he's not one of my employees. I know that money matters can cause friction between couples but its not that he spends that drives me crazy its the stuff he wants to bring into our home! I mean seriously...Is there anyone else that sees a problem with getting a table saw for a high rise condo with no yard, garage, or storage? His friends, both our fathers, and many acquaintances have table saws if there were ever a table saw emergency.

 

All I want here are ideas on how to bring up my concerns without sounding like a snob, without hurting his feelings, and maybe some fun ways to discover common decorating tastes. Oh and maybe ways to not freak out when it comes to the time when shows me his brand new table saw LOL!

 

I also want to add that I may sound defensive but I'm just very direct. I obviously don't use forums to ask for advice on a regular basis.