WHY HE'S REALLY WITH ME.... MONEY OR LOVE?

[Vanezza23]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and when we first got together everything was okay. We moved in together and we split rent, groceries, utilities, everything was 50/50. Then over the summer last year we broke up for about 2 months, then got back together, in that time he lost his job and when we got back together I was paying everything, for the first month or 2 i didnt mind, because he was activly seeking out a job. Well, he still does not hvae a job and is not really looking too hard. My family and friends tell me he's using me because I have a decent amount of money, and tell me to be careful whether hes here for money or love. He says hes trying and when he gets it he'll give me everything he can but I am beginning to feel like he may just be here because its easy and free, I wonder if it was him supporting me would be still be here? I am so confused. HELP, PLEASE !

[woopsydaisy]

Hi vanezza.....all i can sat is to give it a certain amount of time.You know you shouldnt treated like a piggy bank and its not fair on you that he has to rely on you for money.How long has he been out of work for?.if its a a short amount of time i would give him a bit more time to get himself work.If its been over a long period i would tell him to get his act together.He should know that its not fair and its unreasonable to get money off you all the time.Carnt you suggest to him to get a part time job at the very lest for his own benifit if not yours just so he can show that he is willing to help you out.and be fair.I would give it a certain amount of time and then re evaluate the situation.Explain to him how your feeling and that he should at least help you out if only in a small way until he gets something sorted for definite.If hes a decent boyfriend he should understand.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

It's not fair that you are paying for things, but I know from experience that not having a job for a couple months makes things hard on him, and after a while you go through stages of actively seeking a job, and getting tired of finding nothing and giving up. That was a little tougher on me because I didn't have anyone helping me out, so I probably went without food a little longer than I probably would have if I just keep looking hard all the way through. I guess it's just part of the way the mind works. Now if he doesn't get a fire under him in a week or so you may want to put one under him ie stop feeding him. There is nothing that motivates a guy quite like his stomach.

 

I can nether say whether or not he's just gotten tired and is in a less active stage of looking like I was, or that he's using you. You have to make that decision. I'm just saying that I understand how the job-hunting cycle goes. Sometimes I just gave up for a week or so.

[woobiegirl]

Losing a job can happen to anyone...but I hope he genuinely appreciates your support both financially and mentally while he's job searching. Does he often tell you how he appreciates your sticking by him at such a down time for him? Or tell you he feels badly that he can't do special things for you as he would like? And most important, although he can't give you $$ towards bills, he can help by making your day more pleasant when you come home after a long day....i.e. dinner, errands, shopping, backrubs...etc. His self esteem alone should be bothering him during this job search.

 

Don't want to sound negative, but he could walk after he does find a job....or, hopefully he will pay you back....whichever it is, he's obviously not putting a life/death priority into it. Excellent question you asked.."what would it be like if the shoe was on the other foot"?

 

Time for action...

take care,

Woobiegirl

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Well first question you should be asking yourself is wether or not you love this guy, if you do fully then what's your problem? Why not support him, I mean he's recently lost his job, that's not easy right?

 

On a side note, you should talk and ask him but if he's sensitive he might get a bit angry so take it easy

 

Hope that helps

Heb

[Vanezza23]

I have talked to him many times and he reassures me that he loves me and is not using me, we fight about it sometimes and i say some pretty hurtful things at times which i know is terrible but he is making me feel terrible by taking so much and not giving anything back. I just have a feeling that he would not still be here if it werent for the great amenities this relationship has to offer...

[Zatara]

Vanezza,

 

Why did you break up in the first place? This is the most important factor here. If you broke up because of a halfway decent reason he is using you. I once had a gf that I dated and lived with for a long time. We broke up because we knew it would never work out and lo and behold a month later she was living at my place because she lost her job and was looking for a new one. Fine I said but after she found that job she became her old self again. My only advice is to look at the reason you broke up before and if that reason is still there get rid of him. He's a grown man and not a puppy you found.