yeawutever Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 How do they go on with it??? Cheating on their partner that is (mainly those that were not even drunk but did it anyways)?? Reading several infidelity posts I mean you have to have enough guts to do it, proceed to that day as normally as possible. Won't even thinking about it make them feel bad enough to stop them from making those thoughts turn into actions. Reason I say is because I had thoughts way back (if possible intentions) but never did I turn them into actions. Always end up feeling guilty in even daring to think about it. Plus I could have done for the many opportunities given to me, esp. with a hang out with a co-worker. Only to find out I never had the guts to do it. That's my questions. Ok those that cheated, makes me wonder how did they pulled through that day as if it was nothing, as if it wasn't a big deal?? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I was cheated on and I can tell you they generally have selfish justifications for anything and everything they do. They convince themselves that for what ever reason it is not that bad or not bad at all because this or that reason. The delude themselves and live in a world of dishonesty. Many have trouble, even years later admitting what they did was wrong........ Lost Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 That really sucks, not even saying ''I was wrong'' or ''Sorry I put this emotional distress on you''. I'm sure it all starts out as thoughts, they wouldn't just jump into it in day 1. They first think about it and if they got enought guts into it then they make it proceed on the thought, thus making it into action. It's playing with a person's (a living being's) feelings and then trying to get away with it until caught, then I guess you really got little consideration the SO in that moment. All the lies you would have to feed them, thus changing history from that day. Not only that but you're not being your true self that day. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Mine went back over 15 years to bring things up to justify what she had done. In her mind it was my fault. They will do anything to keep from admitting to themselves what they are. It is a very strange thing to listen to someone you have been with 20 years spew out words to try and shift the blame from themselves. The sadness and shock take time to come to terms with......... Lost Link to comment
karvala Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I can't speak from personal experience, but whenever I've put this question to someone who has cheated, the answer I usually get back is "I simply wasn't thinking about [partner's name] while I was doing it; s/he only came into my head afterwards." Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I'll speak from personal experience, I cheated on a girlfriend I had with my ex-gf.... I didn't have any real excuses.. I knew it was wrong.. but I was young, and she was my neighbor... and we'd done it before, so whats the difference.. also I wasn't currently having sex with the girl I was dating..... You know the most messed up thing about it... I refused to kiss my ex-gf while we were having sex... you'd think the sex part was the bad part... but I couldn't bring myself to kiss her..... Needless to say it pretty much destroyed all my future relationships and I can never trust anyone.. Hazzah!!! And I have moved on significantly from that..... I've been in other relationships, and never wanted to cheat because of how I hurt my other ex.. who eventually found out.... And if I'm not into someone I'm just not gonna date them Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 I can't speak from personal experience, but whenever I've put this question to someone who has cheated, the answer I usually get back is "I simply wasn't thinking about [partner's name] while I was doing it; s/he only came into my head afterwards." LOL, the most lamest excuse I ever heard. If that statement was completely true then I would have long ago cheated on my boyfriend since I wasn't thinking about him when I had those thoughts. In the end they have no idea that when saying that, they are actually stating ''I wasn't even thinking about our relationship one bit, I careless about your feelings and don't value you at all''. I haven't gotten cheated but yeah you never know. None is protected from it I guess. It's not 100% guarantee. Thus is maybe it's maybe to have an open eye once in a while even if they never cheated. When it comes to partner, since it's a stranger you met, then it means any SO is capable of betraying you, thus you gotta be prepare for the worst. Link to comment
Mishmash Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I, too, would like to know how these people function and their train of thought. With mine, blame wasn't even an issue - he simply didn't care. When he came home after his affair (she was out of state) he literally walked in the front door and stated he found the love of his life and he wanted to be with her. To top it off, he couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for him. Then he wanted to know where I wanted to go out to eat dinner!! I think some are born without a guilty gene... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 And I have moved on significantly from that..... I've been in other relationships, and never wanted to cheat because of how I hurt my other ex.. who eventually found out.... And if I'm not into someone I'm just not gonna date them Good you learned from it, some never do and go on with it till they're old and graying. Link to comment
Happiest26 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 . I think some are born without a guilty gene... I love that statement!! But they're born without a "guilt" gene, or a whole lot self-centered!! Link to comment
offplanet Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I couldn't do it, myself, because my conscience would bother me too much. I wouldn't be able to live with the deception. I don't understand how others can, but I guess its just the difference between people. Some could live with it not bothering their conscience. I'm not wired that way. I sometimes in a way 'envy' people who aren't bothered so much by concscience, because mine is so oversensitive I suffered with OCD for most of my life. I think it's the way our brains are wired whether we have a conscience or not. Link to comment
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