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Shyness quickly fading and replaced by failure


xxNPxx

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I've been pretty shy for the past few years. I have returned home from college and got a job as a busboy at a busy restaurant in town. There are a lot of good looking girls there and not very many guys, so I thought I would give it a shot. Long story short, I got hired, and my shyness almost but disappeared after a week of work. A lot of my creativity and intelligence have returned that I thought I lost years ago.

 

I realized I know exactly what type of girl I want. I finally know my dream girl. I finally realized that my dream girl and anything remotely like her, is pretty much non existent. If I only focus on the personality she should have, a person who would accept me and who would let me be me, is a person who does not exist.

 

I'm just too eccentric, I go from philosopher to comedian to artist within a minute. So I'm slowly warming up to the idea of possibly "creating" a girl, when Artificial Intelligence becomes powerful with the next 20 years. I'm starting to see the faults in women and men. I even considered life as being gay simply to see if there was any human being out there who could remotely accept a guy like me, even if they are straight. I could find no such human. So I think creating what I need is the only viable option, either that or mail order brides.

 

It seems that, there are no compatible partners unless I drastically alter who I am. It would mean hiding my years of work and pride as a linguist. Tossing away my precious novels and forgetting all the ideas I get in my head. Sinply being the funny and nice guy seems my only option for dating any person that could simply get along with me.

 

Basically, I've given up and am looking for other possibilities in life. Any suggestions?

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I think you found the reason that so many couples fight, break up, and continue looking for years.

 

What exactly would your recipe be for creating that perfect fit?

 

And how did you come to the conclusion that you would know what's best for you in the long run?

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There's no point in giving up, ever! Don't change who you are in hopes of finding someone. You'll then end up with someone who doesn't know the real you, and that won't end up working in the long run. Be yourself and do what it is that makes you happy. When it's time for you to meet someone, it will happen.

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I think you found the reason that so many couples fight, break up, and continue looking for years.

 

What exactly would your recipe be for creating that perfect fit?

 

And how did you come to the conclusion that you would know what's best for you in the long run?

 

My recipe for a creating the perfect fit would simply be a girl that is understanding of what I do and who I am, yet also interested in what I do as well. I have never met any girl that could find what I do interesting. Learning languages, surfing the net for memes, and noveling aren't exactly exciting to most people. They also don't expect me to have such a wide range of personalities. One minute I'm the center of attention and making everyone laugh, then I might leave and lock my self in my room to work for hours on end without a single peep. I seem like a happy-go lucky guy at work and when I'm social. But away from that, I seem like a pissed off person that is focused on what he want's and has not time for fun.

 

I came to this conclusion through a close analysis of my personality with respect to my interactions with others. In other words, I found out what personalities work against mine and why, then reversed them. Though it took me a few years to sort everything through, I have only recently come the most logical, and scientific understanding of myself and my interactions with others.

 

@ rollingalong

 

I've always hid my hobbies from others so they won't see me as an intelligent person and feed my shyness. However, it also hurts me emotionally, to be living this huge lie. But the pay offs of being able to talk to women, is a huge benefit.

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You would fit in well with the group of friends I have and they range in age from 20s through 70s! I know lots of girls who would love to have a boyfriend like you. Maybe you need to get out of Iowa or explore places in Iowa you've never been to. There's a great university there (Univ. of Iowa in Iowa City), with one of the best graduate writing programs in the country. Maybe you could meet people through going to events at the school. You could also travel to a city that has a mix of intellectual/artistic type people and meet people that way...You must have met people in your linguistics program at school, so stay in touch with them and visit them. You can also join online groups that cater to your interests. All of these would allow you to meet women and might help you to realize that you have a chance to meet someone who would be compatible with you.

 

You will never find anyone who is perfect for you. But our dreams are there to guide us in the right direction. Don't change who you are just to be in a relationship.

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I think that having a notion of what you want in another person is healthy, but making some sort of idealistic image is dangerous. Instead of being fixated at what you want to see, why not let it go and see who you actually meet around you?

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@Stella

 

Yeah, I'll try that. I haven't been able to talk to many girls because of shyness but now it's just suddenly gone away. Just recently me and a buddy of mine were going to dress up as Batman and the Joker and chase each other in the mall during peak hours. And this from a guy who would only leave his room for food or class!

 

I do go to a big university Iowa State, but my major is in Engineering, which a lot of people aren't as artistic and interesting as I would like.

 

@arwen

 

The whole "dream girl" idea is simply a fantasy to get a very fuzzy picture of what I find interesting. If I simply remove the things that are improbably and unlikely then attach my usual dating standard, I'm then left with a realistic image of a girl who would be my type. For example, my idea of a perfect girl is perfect beauty, and intelligence beyond my own. Beauty is hard to come by so I ignore that aspect when searching. The intelligence I find interesting also comes with humbleness, so instead of looking for einstein in a buddhist temple I remove the intelligence and look for interest in intelligent things while also a having a good deal of respect for those who don't know or understand.

 

The whole "dream girl" scenario can be useful if used properly to account for real world women.

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