Afraid of Commitment...Is anyone else

[sweetie14]

Okay. Where to start? Well Im going out with this guy. We went out once before this and it lasted maybe more then a day. I just wanted to be friends. He was upset and so was I. I liked him alot. I was just so afraid of him hurting me. I mean it happened more then once. I like a guy, I give them all my trust and they break my heart. So yesterday I asked him back out. I really liked him. He told me he didnt know wut he wanted. I wrote him an email tellin him all my feelings. He then asked me out. I said yes. I mean he is so sweet and I trust him. But the problem is I trusted all the guys I went out with and look wut happened. I just dont wanna get hurt. I really think hes not like that. But what am I to judge I hardly know him. He already asked me if I loved him. I mean wut the hell is that? A day and he'd already askin. I mean I can see me loving him... In the FUTURE. But thats not a prob. I told him no not yet. I mean plz answer this one....Why does love hurt. Is anyone else afraid of commitment like I am>?

[Ashland71]

I really do know what you mean. I got dumped by my latest bf in Feb. I just feel so wretchedly discouraged. I read some of the postings on here and think are there really guys out there that are as sweet as this or that? It amazes me. I know everyone is just trying to find someone, but it seems that I try so hard and then just get hurt. It can get depressing. I think you have to just keep trying. Be a little cautious, but still give everyone a fair chance. I have this theory about dating. I think that we ladies do tend to overlook the bad and just see the good in people. Well we should try to make sure that we see men realistically. Did he tell you he cheated on his last gf? Did he brag that he is a great liar? Just little things that when considered by themselves mean nothing sometimes they add up to a scary picture. I like to look at the positive. That song "the dance" by garth brooks where it says i could have missed the pain but i would have had to miss the dance. It makes me realize that even though some of my relationships may have crashed and burned there were moments I wouldn't have missed to avoid the pain that came after. I hope this helped I really enjoyed reading your post. It is great to realize I am not the only one that is having this problem. Good luck! Ashland

[AaronMichael]

I wish I was scared of commitment like you guys. I get TO ready and excited to start one that I completely make a fool of myself, it ends up not happening and I get hurt. But dont be afraid to get into a relationship, because a relationship is one of the best feelings in the world I think. Sure break ups suck and are seem unbearable, but to atleast of had that person in your life... you know? So try not to think about getting hurt, put your mind towards other things and if it comes to a break up, handle it then.

[mahlina]

He already asked me if I loved him. I mean wut the hell is that?

Girl, it sounds like a 'guilt trip' to me... What the heck?! I've been in a similar situation. We weren't even going out for 1 day, and he said that! I think that it's a method of mind game, ya know? Because obviously, yeah, some people do encounter love at first sight, but most often, it's lust turned into love over time. I know what you mean by commitment and anxiety. I have the same problem. I don't trust easily, and I get entirely scared going into a 'new' relationship. I obviously know that I just am not ready. I mean, who can blame us right??? It's like we've put all of our eggs into one basket, by trusting our partners so much, but in the end, it just turns out that they are no better than the rest of the exes! Whatever! =;

 

If I were you, I'd give him the hand, and tell him, "You best get lost buoy!" #-o I'm serious! How can he just say that he loves you right away???? That to me, just sounds like a mind game thing. It's almost like, he's trying to play games, feed you words that don't mean anything yet, and play it off like it's all cool! He's basically telling you what you want to hear. How sneaky! What a loser! Talk about fake! That's not cool at all! OR- Maybe he does find that the two of you do have that special bond, but still. It's still waay to soon! Don't let him tamper with your emotions. He already sounds like a Rico Suave. Be careful with guys like that. They are so smooth, at least that's what they think they are! They try to be! Please. Don't fall for that slick attitude! If I were you, listen to your hunch. Listen to your intuition. IF you feel that something's wrong, then the truth will come out sooner or later. This guy sounds like one of those 'phonies.' It sounds like he's trying to throw you a bone, and hope that you'll fall for it.

 

Like Ashland71 says, she made a few excellent points by the way! Yay Ash!!!

Well we should try to make sure that we see men realistically. Did he tell you he cheated on his last gf? Did he brag that he is a great liar? Just little things that when considered by themselves mean nothing sometimes they add up to a scary picture.

Hell yeah!!! Words to live by! You go Girl! Seriously, men think on a logical plane right? They are more logic oriented! So, if you put 2 and 2 together, and think about what that guy told you, does it make sense? It sounds rather irrational for him to say that he loves you, when they barely knows you. It's more 'logical,' when 2 people realize that they love each other, after a certain amount of time spent, getting to know each other. Now, that's being logical! Besides, by telling you that he loves you, should mean something. If his words are meaningful, then yes, he is putting himself on the line! He's exposing himself to get hurt, and feeling vulnerable all at the same time. But, obviously, you've shyed away from him, so he felt a little hurt. (Not your fault by the way. High 5 for you, you're just being cautious, and learning from past mistakes ) And if he feels a little hurt, then doesn't that result in a lack of trust from you to him? Meaning, he's also been hurt, so he should at least feel a little lack of trust. Otherwise, he's just a player, who's not easily hurt, hence, and can easily feed onto your emotions without feeling embarrassed.

 

It's not easy telling people that you love them. If he was sincere about telling you that he loves you, then logically speaking, he would also have to see that you've also earned his trust. Which, the time that you guys have known each other, does not seem to equate to either of you actually earning both of each other's trusts yet. So, do you see the game here? He hasn't given you enough time to have you, earn 'his' trust, yet, he's so quick to say that he loves you so fast! Like you said previously, in the "future," possibly right? You're doing the right thing here! Smart girl! Love is a powerful word. People just don't say it out of nowhere. It's like he's throwing peanuts at you.

 

Girls, you know what's up right?! I hope that more women see these little phony things before they entirely give their hearts up to someone who could care less about them. And feed them words that add to wrong intentions. Just don't give into him, at least emotionally, for now. It sounds like he just said that because:

 

1. He finds you physically attractive.

2. His johnny and himself, both love the hunt!

3. He thinks that by saying, "I love you," that you'll automatically trust him, thereforeeee, will think, "Oh my Gosh, he's my soul-mate," and then automatically jump in bed with him.

4. It's a foolish way to play with your heart.

5. He's undermining your intellegence by thinking that you're a ditz, who will automatically fall for it.

6. He sees that you've been hurt, so by feeding onto your emotions, he feels like he's gaining your trust.

7. This boy seems like he's got ulterior motives.

 

If he's genuine about your emotions, then he'd say something along the lines of, "I can see that you've been hurt. I'm here if you need to talk." When a guy says something like that, something along those lines, then, he's definitely:

1. Genuine.

2. An Honest person.

3. Being true to his emotions.

4. Has NO ulterior motives.

5. Just a relaxed Joe, a nice guy!

 

So don't fall for it ladies. [-X Keep an eye on the bad boys! Go back to the basics: Love can be love at first sight, but truly, that love develops over time! Actions speak louder than words, he's obviously, just looking for a piece of action.

 

Sincerely,

Mahlina

 

P.S. - That goes for guys too! If a woman tells you that she loves you already, without knowing you for that long, then something is wrong! Something's defintely, not right! Maybe she's just a TricK, who wants your money!!! It's like telling a stranger that you love them! Throw me a frickin bone here! (Sorry, Austin Powers... ) So Beware folks! It goes both ways for men and women. Keep the rules simple. Love develops over time...

 

P.S.S. - I must agree with AaronMicheal on giving people chances but still think that it's wise to be a skeptic to people who say these things, especially, if they hardly know each other. Let us find nice people!!! Yay! There are nice guys out there! Just be patient! They're out there. It is Serendipitous! We just have to count on our lucky stars!!!