HELP, need advice EX GF is dating again but I want her back

[metroman31]

Me and my girlfriend broke up about a 4 weeks ago after a 1 year relationship. I kept getting jealous and i tried to stop but i couldnt so she couldnt take it anymore and dumped me but she said we might be able to get back together if i changed. But everyday for the 4 weeks i was dump because i just found this forum which gave me a lot of advice and i kept trying to talk to her and see her, to make things better but they just got worse. I kept trying to get her to go back with me but i relized that it just pushed her further from me. After the 2nd week i was going pretty crazy and saying i want to kill me self and stuff. Im over all that and this past couple weeks i have been getting better and i know that i have changed. I dont get jealous anymore if I see her around her friends, which are mostly guys but they were just her friends. Not anymore though cuz this guy she is liking ang going with now used to be my friend until last year and it was her friend to who she started to like. Now this guy he is a lot better than me but i know my girlfriend loved me and i can make her happy and i wont get jealous anymore but this guy is more outgoing, funnier, better looking, more musclur and all that stuff and she liked him for the past week and just told him and now they are dating.wish i would have found this forum earlier but it is to late. But I still want her back, so bad i cant take it anymore. I just have that sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach. I tried to keep contact with this guy cuz he was my friend and stuff to tell him that she was going to tell him and try and see what he was going to say and hopefully it would of been no but he kept avoiding me. I just want her back, but I dont think i'll ever get her back anymore. Please help me. I am so lost, what should I do?

[lunchbox]

Dear Metro,

 

hi... welcome here! I am really glad that you are not thinking about hurting yourself anymore. No matter how crappy you feel, it's not worth it. I say this from experience... I felt the very same way a little while ago.

 

It is good to hear that you think you're getting better, but I want to to make sure you understand that you shouldn't be comparing yourself to the new guy. Everyone does it, but she at one point was with you for YOU! And obviously if you were together for a year, it was you she wanted to be with.

 

Jealousy is something that can rot you from the inside out. Especially now, that is is actually with another guy and that it is not all just in your imagination. You say you've changed. Words are easy to say, but she needs to see that if you did get back together, that you would need to learn to trust her so that the jealousy would no longer be an issue. This is something that works both ways. She needs to be trustworthy too.

 

In my opinion, it's probably best to not communicate with the new guy (your old friend) right now. It will just hurt to see him, knowing he has been around your ex.

 

Tonight you have to start off with the little things. Make sure you eat dinner. Make it a small one even if you feel sick. Eating is important. Wait to contact her until you're certain that you won't get emotional and won't say something you don't mean. It sounds like what I've been doing. You've been available for her, while she hasn't had time to miss you cause you've been around all the time. Let a little space happen.

 

I know it's driving you crazy and consuming all your thoughts, but trust me... you can last one night. And then tomorrow you can last another day...

[shockeddismayed]

That was some great advice lunchbox.

 

Metro... I sympathize with the place you are in right now. All of your thoughts are focussed on your girls... so much so that you can't even eat or function correctly. We've all been there.

 

Like lunchbox said, the only thing you can do right now is focus on being as healthy as you can... eat... sleep... allow yourself to feel terrible when you need to, but try to express it to a friend. Listen to music... it might make you a bit sad, but hopefully you'll also feel it soothing some of the pain too. Exercise too.... I found that helped me clear my brain... even if it was only for an hour.

 

If these things can work for the rest of us... my guess (and hope) is that they will work for you too.

 

Once you've had time to cope a bit, things will be a bit clearer, and you can plan your next move. Until then, as tough as it might be, stay away from your girl... you don't want to say or do things you'll regret.

 

Keep in mind that you were together for a long time. There is plenty of time for you to focus only on yourself for a while.... her feelings won't go away completely by the time you are more ready to be yourself again (or the new improved you).

[metroman31]

Hey both of you guys thanks for the advice. Im doing the no contac thing but it still hurts. I think about her constantly. Even when im with my friends and stuff, I cannot seem to get her off my mind. For the past year she made me so happy and everything. But im just afraid that she will forget about me because she is with this other guy. I mean, I did treat her bad by doing something that she didnt want me to do, that is getting jealous but I cannot seem to figure out why she just wants to forget about all the good things we have done together and that i have done for her. Plus this guy she is dating used to be my friend and I know him. He is all about the sex. Now probably every guy wants sex and sure I do and did aswell but that is the only reason why I think he is with her because she is really sexy and beautiful i mean even on say sundays if she didnt take a shower or do her hair or anything i would go over and see her and she would still be beautiful to me, i even told her that millions of times. All I am doing right now is praying to god to help me out and i dont know, but hopefully he will. I hope you guys could help out to and give me more advice and hopefully support me, my morale is so low right now. Just thinking about everything makes me sick to my stomach. I am trying to eat right and all that stuff and I do exercise like play basketball with my friends or lift weights or whatever but she is always on my mind. I hope that things will work out for me like it did for most people on this bored but I am skeptical. I dont know if she will come back to me but i am going to try and stay strong, with the no contact thing.

It is so hard, I just want to pick up the phone or go to her house and see her. Thanks a lot fellas, i hope there is more advice to come.