Should I or Shouldn't I?

[JohnnyBlog]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm sitting at my laptop semi-healed after my GF left me and our apartment 5 1/2 months ago, not knowing what to do about my situation. Does anyone get the feeling that they just want to know from their ex that they no longer have any feelings for you?

 

After spending hours upon hours on the 'getting back together' forum I found out that my ex is possibly seeing someone. My knowledge of the extent of this someone, i.e. friends, dating, relationship, is very limited. Since finding this out I have switched my browsing to the 'healing' forum as I realize that this is my only option, I no longer want to hold onto hope.

 

I know have this urge that constantly comes and goes to find out about her and this other person. I think so I can just know one way or the other. I sometimes think I just want her to tell me that she doesn't miss me, just some kind of closure. But I am torn. If I do this then it will settle both our minds and leave no doors open. I obviously realize that I shouldn't care, but I do. In asking her she will know that I care (which i'm sure she probably knows by default).

 

What can I do?

[karvala]

I think in 95% of cases, someone seeking "closure" is actually someone seeking "contact". It's like an alcoholic trying to persuade you that they need one final drink to get closure, after which they'll give up properly. What they really want is just another drink, and they've figured this is the most likely way they're going to be allowed it, and may have even convinced themselves about their reasons.

 

If you have contact with her again now, and find out that she's with someone else, you're opening a whole world of pain. Maybe you need that to realise that she's not coming back, but if you can avoid it, it would be a lot better for you. The only way you will eventually not care is after a sufficient period of time without any contact. Nothing else will work, but if you need more pain first to help you believe that, then knock yourself out.

[JohnnyBlog]

I guess your right, I think I am looking for a shortcut to healing and think i have convinced myself that this will give me 'closure', which in actual fact, it probably won't and just will, like you say, add to my pain. Thanks for the reply, its good to here some sense. I wish i could just give up hope but I suppose it just takes time..... I wish I could fast forward.

 

Sometimes I just want reassurance that I meant something to her. Hearing that she could possibly be moving on with another person makes me feel as though what we once had was that easy to get over. Its been 5 1/2 months I suppose that is heaps of time for the 'dumper' to move on.

 

I have been in No Contact but hearing this news has made me want to break it more then ever!

[Tired Tiger]

To base your reasoning for breaking NC on the possibility that she's with someone else is like sticking your head in an alligators mouth to see what his teeth look like...

[JohnnyBlog]

Thats a good analogy, I know its a dumb idea. I'm craving some interaction with her like Karvala said. Think I see this as an excuse. But i'm resisting the urge.

 

Does anyone ever feel reckless and think, 'I sure would like a close-up of those teeth'?

[savignon]

Absolutely!!!

Then afterwards you're in so much pain and wondering why you didn't listen to everyone. But, hey, that's how we learn to keep our heads closer to our shoulders

[jazzykat]

To base your reasoning for breaking NC on the possibility that she's with someone else is like sticking your head in an alligators mouth to see what his teeth look like...

 

Lol! I really like that!

[JohnnyBlog]

I'm starting to go through the stage of thinking like she did when she split, "we just didn't work out" and now i'm starting to believe that she was right and don't think we can. Although these thoughts can easily be flipped upside down to thinking we can work it out. But these times are getting fewer recently.

 

Curiosity did kill the cat after all, I guess I should just leave it.

 

Do ex's ever feel the need to tell the dumpee when they find love again out of some kind of respect or, i dunno, some twisted logic?