go back or keep tryn?

[s2556]

Hey, so ever since grade 8 i havnt tried to get a girl friend. my last one was in grade 8. I always just went out to partys and had 1 night stands and little flings and that worked well for me for a long time. then i decided that i wanted to get a great girl to settle down with for a while seeing that it has been a while. ( i am just going into grade 12). so i started lookin and i found this girl. she is perfect. she is beautiful, nice, funny, just all around great. we liked eachother and had a thing for about a month. i was just about to ask her out when she hung out with her ex one time. then she told me she is starting to like him but still likes me way more. i told her to choose and she couldnt decide and as time went on she liked him more and more and me less and less. to give u some backround on them they have been off and on since grade 6 or 7. every time ending in failure. he is a * * * * to her and treats her bad. he never calls when he said he would and always blow her off. anyways she is now going out with him. but unhappy as usual. she still likes me so i am considering waiting for her cuz i dont know how long she can out up with it. but she said she wants to give it her all this time around so she can say she tried everything and knows it wont work that way this will be the last time around. then for a while she was trying to get over me so she could just focus on him.now lately she is being kind of flurty and way more friendly and asking me to hang out and stuff. so i dont really know what im geting at here. i could try and move on because she changes her mind constantly and i dont know how long they will be together. its not hard for me to find other girls. but i jsut dont want any one else. i dont even want any 1 night stands with any 1 else i have turned down 2 allready because im still focused on her. should i give up and try and find a different girl, go back to one night stands, or try and wait it out for this amazing girl?

thanks

[HouseKitten]

Move on. She might be a lovely girl but she's obviously not over her ex and has no idea what she wants. Trying to create a space for yourself in her heart is only going to end up with you hurt in the long run when she goes back to him, or meets someone else new.

[odile]

No need to have one night stands or date around 'just because'.

Definitely hold out for someone who is special.

 

However, this girl-- even if she's special to you-- just doesn't seem like she's reciprocating.

She's tangled up with her ex, and there's nothing that you can do about this.

 

You've made your feelings known, so it sounds like the best thing you can do now is back off and see if she comes to you, but it's probably wise not to hold your breath.

To clarify-- wait until she comes to you at a point when she seems capable of a relationship and clear about her feelings.

 

In the meantime, you'd probably do best to keep things very low-key-- be friendly, but don't be the fallback guy.

Do this by giving yourself space from her until she's totally over and done with her ex.

[guitargirl1607308056]

Why would you want to wait around for someone who has already blatantly disrespected your feelings? You deserve to be with someone who is going to be focused on you and only you and won't make you hang back in shadows waiting for her love.

 

I don't think you need to go back to having one night stands, but I think you need to keep an open mind about other girls and shift your focus from this one.

[ghost69]

she wasn't as into you as she led to believe. sounds like she was letting you down gently.

[MisPriss04]

Sounds like shes with him and possibly not happy but she knows you are still there for her to talk to, flirt with, or even to hang out with to give her the little bit of assurance she needs to be happy and stay where she is. Seems like you need to just move on, atleast let her see that you wont let her play with your feelings. If shes as sure as she tells you she is about wanting to try things with this guy then thats the bottom line. Dont try to read in to all her other mysterious "but she still flirts with me" behavior...listen to what shes telling you.

 

When people show you who they are....believe them.