still crying at night after 4 months

[exback]

It is hard for me to move on. I tell myself over and over again that he won't come back but still: I cannot stop hoping for him to come back..

 

He was my first love and we were engaged and he left me 4 months ago after 4 years. I am so sad because I thought we would stay together forever. I loved him so much and even after 4 years I felt excited spending time with him. I never got bored being with him and loved every moment till the end..

 

And the really hard thing for me is to deal with the fact that even if he might miss me he doesn't miss me enough to come back. He didn't even try to contact me once since he broke up with me 4 months ago.

 

Today I spend all my time studying and trying not to think about him but it doesn't work. I am still checking email and mobile for messages or calls. Why can't I stop hoping!? How can I stop!? Even so I tell myself every day that he won't come back, somehow it doesn't work and I can't seem to believe it.

 

I am spending time with my friends, I do sports and so on. I stopped talking about my feelings to my friends because they started thinking I am crazy so I am spamming you guys at ENA (sorry!!!).

 

I ask myself over and over again: how can someone NOT miss you after 4 years and how can someone not love you after you spent so much time together...

[annalisa84]

I was together with my first bf for 4 years as well. One night after he "disappeared" again somewhere with his buddies, I told him he either changes his act right now and treats me with respect or.. we break up. We broke up on the phone that night. I haven't seen or heard from him ever since, haven't tried to contact him either. That was more than 6 years ago Haven't regeretted once. One of his gf later on tracked me down to ask for advise She was so desperate cos now he did those disappearing acts to her as well.

 

What I'm trying to tell you that IMO the first love is more like an experiment and that's why most of them wont last. We're too inexperienced and immature, not sure what we want and what are we willing to offer. That is something we'll learn in time and most likley through various partners. Take this time to understand that you got a chance to find someone way more suitable for you, someone better.

 

Take care!

[nicknick]

It's tough i know cos i've been there. You will ask these (and more questions) over and over in your head. It's all part of the healing process. I know it doesn't feel like you are healing but you are.

 

You have been badly hurt and it will take considerable time to get over this....but you will.

 

When you love someone and ultimately they don't love you anymore it is hard to take.

[larryburst]

I'm there with ya exback, i know its hard, i understand... There are a few things that might help you that I have done...

 

*Pick up "What happy people know" by Dr. Dan Baker, he also wrote a book called "what happy women know." I'm almost done reading it a second time. It is a wonderful book from a leader in the emerging science of happiness, i'd recommend it to anyone who is going through a hard time. There are so many amazing stories, so much pain overcome.

 

*Take St. Johns Wart (a herbal medicine) 3 times a day, it relaxes you and helps you think clearly. Also, Valerian root an hour before sleep will help you sleep easier naturally.

 

*self affirming Meditation. whenever you feel weak, go to a safe place in your mind by breathing deeply, sitting up straight and really trying clear your thoughts and concetrating on your breath or saying something that makes you feel at peace. calming your mind and body definetly helps.

 

*Going on walks is a good temporary relief for me.

 

*Maybe see a therapist?

 

*go on a date with someone! there is nothing wrong with that and will help you feel appreciated.

 

*volunteer. I'll be volunteering at a homeless shelter and, if i can make it (early on sat. mornings) at a community garden. Helping others is another great way to feel appreciated. After all, appreciation is the deepest form of love and thats what you feel like you are missing right now. Fall back in love with the world and the worls will begin to love you again. That guy does not hold the secret of happiness for you, you do! what do you appreciate about yourself? What do others? Concetrate on that. This time of self growth, of overcoming, will make you so much stronger! I have all the faith in the world you will feel better. in the future, you will look back with pride, knowing how the love within you overcame the fear.

 

There is no magic word or phrase that i can say that will instantly cure you. It will take time and good habits, especially mentally. the pain and the fear you are feeling right now is like junk food for your body. to feel better, to get healthier mentally, you have to change your diet of thoughts. I know its hard, they are addictive (just like junk food can be), but you have sooooooo much untapped power within you. The love that still exists, the survival love, is the strongest love there is. us it!

 

that reminds me, dont think you're a victim, you're a survivor! There is still so much love around you, and especially within you.

 

Good Luck!

[exback]

Thank you so much!!! I will try to follow your advices!!

 

@annalisa: Did you ever miss him!? Not even once after 4 years or did you miss him but nevertheless there was no regret...!?

[sfits]

exback: im the exact same as you was together with my ex for 4 and a half years and we broke up 3 months i still love her to bits and NC did wonders until i asked her last week about us getting back and she said no,and i cried for a while and it so hard she said she misses me and my company but only as a friend

 

i pray everyday she comes back to me as i know she is still the one for me and the love of my life but in her eyes im not the one for her and she is gone.

 

she also has blanked me out of her life and my friends and family are annoyed with me cause i keep talking about her

 

its so hard as we really did love each other..Please god she comes back..but i have to move on and if she does come back ill prob have no feelings for her.