Do you follow up after leaving a message post-date?

[Carpe Diem]

Question for the guys out there: what’s your rule when it comes to follow-up calls after a seemingly good first date? If you call once and leave a message, do you write them off if you don’t hear back from them or do you call back in a few days?

 

I met up for the first time with this girl from online, and the dynamic seemed to be going well. At the end, I asked her if she wanted to get together the next week for dinner and she seemed excited about that and said yes. I told her that I’d give her a call to set it up. She and I had been talking for a couple weeks, but she’s never been very responsive to phone calls. I’ve called her a few times to chat and to set up the date and such, and she’s never once answered my call right off the bat—she would always call me back a day or two later, though. So eventually I quit leaving messages and would just text her (for example, to finalize arrangements for the date), and that seemed to work a lot better in terms of getting her to respond quickly.

 

So I called her a little over a day after the date, got her voicemail and left a message saying I had a great time and wanted to see if she’d be interested in getting together again. A couple days have passed and I haven’t heard from her. I know the online thing makes a difference (i.e., many times people decide after the first meeting that it’s not going to work), but it seemed like the date went pretty well. So just wondering what others would do here…

[retired1]

Sorry to say, the ball's in her court.

[hei]

If I left a message, and in that message there was an invite for another date, not necesarily including specific time and place, I'd go with what retired said.

 

If there was no invite, but I still stated clearly that I enjoyed myself, and such and such, I'd still expect a call back if she felt the same. If there was no call from her side, I'd maybe (oh this'd have to be one good date) give it another shot, but in the long run, I'd be bit annoyed.

 

If people have an interest in me in one way or another, they should have the courtesy to return my calls if they can't pick it up when i call.

[meteorstrike]

All you can do is wait. Eat ice cream and listen to sad music to ease the pain.

[crisco disco]

I would find it rather hard to bring myself to try to contact someone again after leaving them a message. And if I did bring myself to try again, and it was yet again unsuccessful, then I would feel pretty pathetic. However, you have mentioned that she isn't great at keeping up with phone calls, and it takes time for her to get back to you, so that's I don't think there's reason to lose all hope. I know how hard it is though, I'm going through a similar situation.

 

You run through your head all the possible legitimate reasons why she may not have called back, and convince yourself that it has to be one of those reasons, because you had a good time and she seemed excited about setting up another date.

 

I would say give it a week, and then call, or text. I think you mentioned she was more responsive to texts. So give it a week or so and send her a text, maybe asking if she'd be interested in making plans with you again. Just don't make her lack of contact with you sound like the end of the world if you do get to speak with her again.

[Carpe Diem]

Thanks guys. I figured the answer would be that the ball is in her court. I've just heard so much talk of women not liking to initiate calls in the early stages that I just started to doubt whether that applied to returning calls too. I have no problem putting myself out there and reaching out again if it were possible there were some reason other than lack of interest that she wouldn't call back, but it sounds like there probably isn't.

 

Oh well, it's disappointing because I thought things went well, but there won't be any listening to sad music. Just moving on to other prospects...