How can you get your ex back when you live together?

[i miss her 2]

Yeah, my gf and I live together and are stuck in a lease that will not end for another 5 months or so. She b roke up with me because she wants to live alone. So she sleeps on the couch now and I sleep in the bed. We hung out last night and while we were very close, we were not like we use to be. Tonight I asked if she wanted me to move out and she said yes but she said I did not have to leave in a hurry. She didn't want me to live on the streets or something. She thinks that both me and her can things taken care of if we aren't in a relationship. I told her that relationships are more important than a career. Anyway, there is no way I can really get out of the lease to be honest. So how can I just get her back? I realize it's gonna take some time, but I need to know what I s hould do right now. Thanks.

[waveseer]

Be the man she fell for to begin with. Have your own interests and be a growing, positive person. Smile at her and laugh at her jokes. Make too much food and offer her some. Rent a movie and ask her if she'd like to watch it with you. Treat her like a regular roommate.

[Grace]

Try to not make her the focus of your day, let any advances of friendship be natural and incidental. Protect yourself most of all and look out for your own best interests as that what she's surely doing for herself. Try to come to terms with your relationship being over and move on with your life, plan for the worst and hope for the best! Don't let the balance of your wellbeing depend on the status of your relationship...I know it's hopeless advice when you're hurt over something like this, but try to be okay.

[i miss her 2]

THis morning she tried to wake me up but I completely ignored her. Is it a bad idea to just ignore her almost completely while we live here together?

[waveseer]

It depends on whether she tried to wake you up nicely or not.

[Marc Moody]

Be the man she fell for to begin with. Have your own interests and be a growing, positive person. Smile at her and laugh at her jokes. Make too much food and offer her some. Rent a movie and ask her if she'd like to watch it with you. Treat her like a regular roommate.

 

This is really great advice, and I think if you follow it you'll have pretty good odds of re-attracting her to you romantically. You have to make sure you don't come off as needy or desperate because that will drive her away. Make sure you're not dying for attention, but don't ignore her all together either. Both are deadly. Treat her like a regular roommate, just like he said! And always make sure you are busy and doing things, preferably things that you find exciting.

 

When you're back at home, don't be eager to tell her things about your life outside the "home," but instead let her ask you. And when she does, just answer honestly and with enthusiasm, don't go overboard, and then do your own thing.

 

She will become curious about what she's missing out on if you're always such a happy and self-confident person, and will be surprised that you got over it so easy. All this combined will cause her to think twice... just pay attention to the way she reacts, and her body language, and you will know when the time is right to take it to the next level.

[LoveSoDeep]

THis morning she tried to wake me up but I completely ignored her. Is it a bad idea to just ignore her almost completely while we live here together?

 

If you want her back I would definitely say do not ignore her completely. I like the advice of being the man she fell in love with as well as treating her like a normal roommate.

 

I'm a little confused though...she broke up with you b/c she wants to live on her own? Can you be a couple that doesn't live together? Why does she want to live on her own? Is this something she has never done before? I feel like there has to be another reason for the break up it's never that simple... Iknow b/c I went through the same thing...he said he felt trapped in his own apartment...turns out he also wanted to be free to pursue another relationship, but he never told me that b/c he didn't want to hurt me.

[i miss her 2]

If you want her back I would definitely say do not ignore her completely. I like the advice of being the man she fell in love with as well as treating her like a normal roommate.

 

I'm a little confused though...she broke up with you b/c she wants to live on her own? Can you be a couple that doesn't live together? Why does she want to live on her own? Is this something she has never done before? I feel like there has to be another reason for the break up it's never that simple... Iknow b/c I went through the same thing...he said he felt trapped in his own apartment...turns out he also wanted to be free to pursue another relationship, but he never told me that b/c he didn't want to hurt me.

 

 

No, she never has lived on her own and neither have I. Honestly I don't know if she wants to pursue another relationship. We broke up because after she said she wanted to live on her own I got all needy and begged and who knows. She has done this before when she gets really stressed out.

[i miss her 2]

just pay attention to the way she reacts, and her body language, and you will know when the time is right to take it to the next level.

 

 

Yeah, she has been "closer" to me and a few nights ago we went to a concert and we even had our arms around each other for a little bit but the next night we sort of got into it.

 

Last night we went to a wedding together...still we are not affectionate. And then she say's she wants to get another cat for the cat we already have. Does this sound like someone who wants to split up? So I got a cat today from my work (I work for a vet). She really likes the cat.

 

She then made dinner for us and we played with the new cat. Now she is doing her homework and she even said, "So are you gonna go into your room soon?" haha...yes.

 

There were moments tonight where I thought maybe I could kiss her but I hold back. I don't feel like getting rejected again. At this point my friends are telling me to get rid of her but I feel like if I am a civil person for the next few weeks and she really does end up leaving me then atleast she will have nothing but positive memories during our last few weeks together. She can live with that and realize that most guys are gonna treat her like * * * * .

[i miss her 2]

It depends on whether she tried to wake you up nicely or not.

 

 

Yeah, it was nicely. But it was to tell me to get some cat food because we were all out.

[waveseer]

Yeah, it was nicely. But it was to tell me to get some cat food because we were all out.

 

Is it your cat?

[i miss her 2]

Is it your cat?

 

Well, I guess it's "our" cat. Maybe more of her cat because she is the one who got him.

[waveseer]

Well, I guess it's "our" cat. Maybe more of her cat because she is the one who got him.

 

Sorry, I know this may sound totally irrelevant but it might not be. Can you explain how it is your problem that the cat is almost out of food? Was she just using that as an excuse to wake you up or do you have some arrangement whereby you are responsible for bringing home the food for her cat?

[i miss her 2]

Sorry, I know this may sound totally irrelevant but it might not be. Can you explain how it is your problem that the cat is almost out of food? Was she just using that as an excuse to wake you up or do you have some arrangement whereby you are responsible for bringing home the food for her cat?

 

 

Well, she buys the cat food. yeah basically she takes care of him. She realized that we had run out of cat food so she was waking me up to ask if I would get some because it was my day off and she had to go to work. Not really my problem, but I'm the last guy who is gonna make an animal starve. I didn't respond to her, but I did go get the cat food. She has always referred to us as "mommy and daddy" to the cat though and she wanted to get another cat so this one would have a playmate. So I don't know what her intentions are.

 

Also, I am wondering. Is it going to be impossible to "win" her back if I can't do NC?

[waveseer]

Well, she buys the cat food. yeah basically she takes care of him. She realized that we had run out of cat food so she was waking me up to ask if I would get some because it was my day off and she had to go to work. Not really my problem, but I'm the last guy who is gonna make an animal starve. I didn't respond to her, but I did go get the cat food. She has always referred to us as "mommy and daddy" to the cat though and she wanted to get another cat so this one would have a playmate. So I don't know what her intentions are.

 

Also, I am wondering. Is it going to be impossible to "win" her back if I can't do NC?

 

Did she really have to wake you up on your day off? Wouldn't it have been a little more considerate of her to leave you a note or message?

 

If she is amenable to reconciliation then nc isn't necessary, but addressing what went wrong and how to fix it is. If she isn't amenable to reconciliation than even if you could be in strict nc it probably wouldn't make a difference.

[i miss her 2]

Did she really have to wake you up on your day off? Wouldn't it have been a little more considerate of her to leave you a note or message?

 

If she is amenable to reconciliation then nc isn't necessary, but addressing what went wrong and how to fix it is. If she isn't amenable to reconciliation than even if you could be in strict nc it probably wouldn't make a difference.

 

Yeah, I don't know about the waking me up thing. I guess we have always done that anyway. Except since we broke up sometimes neither one of us say's goodbye in the morning. Maybe she just wanted to see if she could even get my attention?

 

 

NOt sure how to tell if she is amenable to reconciliation, bcause I have heard the "I have made up my mind" quote several times before. So how can I tell? I would assume she wouldn't be talking to me if she wasn't somewhat. She probably wouldn't tell me about getting another cat either.

[waveseer]

Yeah, I don't know about the waking me up thing. I guess we have always done that anyway. Except since we broke up sometimes neither one of us say's goodbye in the morning. Maybe she just wanted to see if she could even get my attention?

 

 

NOt sure how to tell if she is amenable to reconciliation, bcause I have heard the "I have made up my mind" quote several times before. So how can I tell? I would assume she wouldn't be talking to me if she wasn't somewhat. She probably wouldn't tell me about getting another cat either.

 

Have you asked to talk with her about all of this and told her that you'd rather be together as a very strong preference? Does she even know that you want to reconcile? I am asking because she isn't acting like she's done with you for good, not at all.

[i miss her 2]

Have you asked to talk with her about all of this and told her that you'd rather be together as a very strong preference? Does she even know that you want to reconcile? I am asking because she isn't acting like she's done with you for good, not at all.

 

Yeah, I did initially. I told her we have a communication problem. She was like, "Well I don't wanna work it out. I don't wanna talk about my feelings." That was what was said initially though. Yeah, you wouldn't think she was done with me for good based on what I have told you. I think she just can't come out and say that she is making/made a mistake by breaking up.

[waveseer]

Yeah, I did initially. I told her we have a communication problem. She was like, "Well I don't wanna work it out. I don't wanna talk about my feelings." That was what was said initially though. Yeah, you wouldn't think she was done with me for good based on what I have told you. I think she just can't come out and say that she is making/made a mistake by breaking up.

 

I think it would be a good idea to let her know that you are willing to talk about things with her when she's ready. Then don't bring it up again and let her come to you. When she does, try to listen without judging her or how she communicates. You can learn a lot about what a person is trying to say if you listen for meaning. If you have any doubts ask her if your interpretation of what she said is correct. Rather than going into all of your own feelings, try to help her resolve hers. It may seem unfair but she was the one unhappy enough to pull away so that's the first thing on the agenda of being together again. If she doesn't get to the bottom of her problems in one conversation, let her know you are willing to continue it and choose a specific time with her when that will be.

 

It's time to show her that you care how she feels even if she's having a tough time getting it out.

[i miss her 2]

Yeah, I tried to do this last night and she just said she has nothing to talk about. She said we just live in an awkward situation right now and I said that I was getting mixed signals from her...like the whole cat thing, the wedding, etc. She said I didn't have to do any of those things and I knew that anyway but still I get vibes from her that are a little more than just roommates/friends.

 

This was probably not the best idea but I did tell her that I have been reading about new sexual techniques because part of our problem was our sex life. I started to put the moves on her and she said, "not right now...don't push your luck." I guess that could ahve gone alot worse right? She did act intrigued about me reading up on it though.

 

Honestly I think right now she is just super stressed out with school and she sees that I'm not in school and she feels like she can't relate to me or something. I don't know what to do about this.

[haliburton]

ouch. Can you go out on friendly dates. Get the spark back? You have the living together thing going for you. Watch the breakup. I don't recommend getting advice from movies, but I think there's a corollary. Watch it with her, it may cause a conversation to happen.

[i miss her 2]

Well, yeah we have gone on two friendly dates now. We weren't intimate but we were definitely friendly with each other again. Then I see her still sleeping on the couch and I get all weirded out and I say something about it.

 

As far as I knew as of last week none of her friends/parents knew about us being broken up. I've made alot of mistakes. One day I even went up to her work and told her to go ahead and moved out because I was having a hard time with this. At that point nobody knew about our breakup but some of her co-workers told her afterwards that they would help her move. She still hasn't bothered to look for another place t hough. I am the one who got dumped and I took the initiative to get out of the lease. This is why in a way I don't think she is completely serious about leaving. Maybe it's just me. I did, however apologize about saying that and I told her she didn't have to move out. This was before we got the new cat and went to the wedding together.

 

I will check out that movie. Not sure if she will wanna watch it but I will try.

[i miss her 2]

Ugh. She comes into my room everyday when she gets home, sits down and chats with me just like old times only now she stays for a few minutes and then goes back to do her thing. Tonight she even sounded concerned when she asked me where I was ( I purposely did not come home when I usually do because I was upset and did not want her to see me that way so I went rollerblading.) I could easily make up some lie or be more mysterious but I always tell her the truth.

[i miss her 2]

I have really been keeping to myself tonight and she came in the room again. Wanted to know what I was doing so I told her I was looking at jobs and then she became really interested. She goes on to tell me about our new cat and then asks me how I feel about getting a third one. What is this??? I just kind of grinned and said nothing. I was very short with her but civil and kind.

[WomanWriter]

I told her that relationships are more important than a career..

 

 

Hey there, I just responded to another of your posts, but I am seeing more and more similarities that I want to share with you.

 

This, above really hit me in the heart! I told my ex fiance the same thing! He did not say anything. I guess they don't agree that relationships are more important than a career.

 

My ex's unspoken message was that a career is more important than a relationship. My ex's dad used to tell us that if we were REALLY in love, money wouldn't matter...that we could make it work...because there are many couples who have nothing but they have each other.

 

When my ex and I were breaking up, I remember him saying "Maybe my dad was right...we would have been married by now if we really wanted to be."

 

So I don't know if he was saying he just didn't want to marry me...because a few sentences later, he said he would still marry me if he could but he "can't" and said we needed to be alone and find out who we are and not depend on each other.

 

I'm sorry to say it sounds like another case of "love you but not in love with you" (I don't believe it's possible, since there is only one kind of love IMO, but for a lack of better explanation). She may just be bored and want more adventure and you're not entertaininh her enough (that's honestly how I feel my ex felt about me...he was frustrated and associated me with depression and bad times....and wanted good times and no pressure).

 

Again, I sure hope it works out!

 

Hug!