What's the situation?!

[Callie]

I'm confused about my 'relationship' with a certain guy and I've just joined, so hi!

 

Basically - tyring to condense the situation: I met this guy last October, he asked me out, we had a few dates. Since that first month when I saw him about once a week, we now see each other about once a month. We talk lots on the phone and we can talk for hours sometimes, but we don't see each other that often. Granted, we both have completely opposite schedules, where one of us always seems to be working when the other is free, which means that when we do see each other, it has to be in the evening, so he has been coming over to mine and spending the night.

 

Problem is - I can't work out if I have become just a booty call?! On the surface, it seems that way, but then we meet up for lunch near his work sometimes, and this week, he called me on monday to spend an hour together before we both had to go to work, and then on tuesday he called, we talked on the phone for about 45mins and then he asked me to come over to his (he's asked me over before, but for various reasons thats this first time I've actually been to his place!). We just talked, watched a bit of a movie and then went to bed, no naughty stuff, just sleeping with our arms around each other. That kinda surprised me! Don't get me wrong, I liked it, because maybe it is an indication that he doesn't see me as just sex? But it is very confusing!

 

Another thing is that sometimes when we meet up, it is a little awkward, like we're boith shy as we haven't been together for a while. Like on Tuesday, although we'de been speaking on the phone, chatting away before I saw him, in the 20 minutes or so between when we got off the phone and I met with him in person, we were really quiet together. I laughed and said that it was funny how a few minutes ago I couldn't get a word in edgeways and he smiled and replied that he was just trying to get get a feel for who I was. Sweet? or odd?!

 

What I can't decide, and I'd appreciate some help on!, is whether he is that interested and whether there is anything there. You see, I can't even work out if we are together or not? He says he doesn't see other girls and I'm inclined to believe him, but if someone else asked me out on a date, I don't know if it would be ok to go or not! When we're with each other, it is so lovely, but it is so infrequent, that I just don't really know whats going on.

 

Any insight or suggestions of what to do would be great!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps you should be talking to him about whether or not you are an official couple. I would not go on any date with anyone else until you have spoken to him and discussed whether or not you two are an official couple. You say you have conflicting schedules..so you are also half the reason why you don't see each other as often. The two of you need to clearly communicate and come to a clear understanding about the nature of your relationship.

[smartalex]

Are your work schedules going to be crossing each other always? Why dont you both make plans for a small outing? When you spend more time with a guy say two to three days in row you will be able to figure his other engagements?

 

 

This will give you an opportunity to figure out who are others whom he talks to, or receives calls from, etc. You will get better idea of him as a person.

 

You will be in a better position to decide then.

[Callie]

Perhaps you should be talking to him about whether or not you are an official couple. I would not go on any date with anyone else until you have spoken to him and discussed whether or not you two are an official couple.

 

Yes I know. I just have no idea how to approach the subject. Because we don't see each other that much, when I see him I feel like I wouldn't want to potentially ruin the short time. But I guess I do need to talk to him about it, I have just never been in a situation where I needed to have that kind of talk, so I have no clue about what to say or how to start that kind of conversation. Do you have any ideas?

 

You say you have conflicting schedules..so you are also half the reason why you don't see each other as often. The two of you need to clearly communicate and come to a clear understanding about the nature of your relationship.

 

I guess thats true actually - my schedule is half the problem.

 

Are your work schedules going to be crossing each other always? Why dont you both make plans for a small outing? When you spend more time with a guy say two to three days in row you will be able to figure his other engagements?

 

 

This will give you an opportunity to figure out who are others whom he talks to, or receives calls from, etc. You will get better idea of him as a person.

 

You will be in a better position to decide then.

 

Do you mean like going away together? If so, thats kind of a big step, don't you think?? When I'm not sure if we're even together!

 

Maybe, do you think asking if he wants to stay at mine for a weekend or something like that? But then again, he works weekends and only ever has 1 day at a time in the week free. Logistics!! ha.

[TheOther]

My gut feeling is that you aren't just his booty call, and that he does and would like to consider you are more than that. That's the good news.

 

But the problem you two are having is similar to what happens when a relationship begins as an LDR. Seeing each other once per month doesn't create a good, consistent "flow". And while you do talk on the phone quite a bit, it's not as organic as doing things in-person. At this stage of the relationship, there's a little "out of sight, out of mind" thing going on whereas when you two do find the time to see each other, it's a bit like starting over again and, as he said, trying to get a feel of who you are again.

 

Having said that, if you are unsure if you two are exclusive or not, it will need to be brought up at some point soon.

[Callie]

Thanks for that.

 

Its interesting that you don't think it sounds like a booty call - I do worry about that a lot so it encourages me!

 

Trying to avoid sounding silly, but what does LDR mean?

[TheOther]

Thanks for that.

 

Its interesting that you don't think it sounds like a booty call - I do worry about that a lot so it encourages me!

 

Trying to avoid sounding silly, but what does LDR mean?

 

Long Distance Relationship.

 

I'm guessing (hoping) he doesn't think of you as just a booty call, mainly because he spends a lot of time talking with you on the phone and there is the time when you two were curled up in bed and there was no attempt at sex. I suppose there's the chance he's just "putting up" with the no-sex times so he can come accross that he's interested in more than just that. But I figure most who just want the physical thing would try for it any chance they get... especially in the case of being in bed after watching the movie, and especially since you two see each other so infrequently.

[Callie]

Long Distance Relationship.

 

I'm guessing (hoping) he doesn't think of you as just a booty call, mainly because he spends a lot of time talking with you on the phone and there is the time when you two were curled up in bed and there was no attempt at sex. I suppose there's the chance he's just "putting up" with the no-sex times so he can come accross that he's interested in more than just that. But I figure most who just want the physical thing would try for it any chance they get... especially in the case of being in bed after watching the movie, and especially since you two see each other so infrequently.

 

That does make sense. I know I wanted to have sex with him and was very surprised when he just wanted to snuggle and sleep! But I let it be cos I thought it was a good sign. I know talking is the only way to really know, but I just wish we could see each other more! Since I just saw him a couple of days ago, I probably won't see him for a few weeks and I don't really want to do that kind of talk over the phone. I like to be able to see people faces when talking about important things, as you can understand a lot from peoples expressions when you're talking seriously Wow, I guess I have to think about what to say now!

 

I also have this issue where I don't know if it's ok to call him or not. For example - I last saw him on wednesday morning; when is it acceptable to call and chat or call and ask if he want's to meet up again sometime. Should I just wait for him? This probably contributes to out infrequency of seeing each other.