Is he an alcoholic or a social drinker?

[liberated]

I really need advice on this one.

 

I began dating this man who is an absolute sweetheart: charming, funny, sweet, nuturing, the whole nine yards. My concern is his drinking. Evertime we go out it seems like he has to have a drink. Just recently, we were at my house and it was 2pm and he wanted a glass of wine! He noticed that I didn't like it and only poured himself a little more than a swallow. Later that evening we went to a play and he ordered a beer. Other examples include a dinner I made for him and my roommates. He brought the wine and downed two glasses like it was water. We went to dinner last night with his brother and his girlfriend, and he was the only one that ordered alcohol. Aside from these things, he will occasionally make jokes about people thinking he's an alcoholic because i won't order a drink when we go out.

 

I have asked him straightout if he had issues with alcohol and he denied it, but not emphatically! He almost brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal. The last time we talked about it we were in a sushi restaurant where he ordered 2 glasses of plum wine all the while talking about how good the wine was and how he just had to have more. He told me that he knew I thought he was "some kind of lush" and sensing his anger, I denied it. But he was quite defensive. My concern is doubled because his father is an alcoholic, and what if this runs in the blood? He's never been violent, I've never not felt safe around him, but I worry. Am I being paranoid or do I have reason to be concerned...please help.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I'll have a glass of wine whenever I get the chance, especially if I'm not paying, but I'm in no way an alcoholic. I guess the question is does he stop after a coupe glasses, or is he always looking to get a bit of a buzz? It doesn't sound like he gets smashed all the time right? I wouldn't say he is, but that's just me.

[holeinmysoul33]

Yeah, alcoholism can be genetic. Or perhaps a learned behavior. But yes, children of alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics.

 

The definition for alcoholism is pretty grey. Some define it by an inability to go any length of time without a drink. Or an inability to deny a drink when offered. Also, an alcoholic may be one that has significant behavioral changes when they begin drinking. My father would come home every evening and no one wanted to talk to him until he'd had a martini. After that bit of alcohol, he was approachable. But I don't know that I'd call him an alcoholic.

 

I guess the question to ask yourself is if how much he drinks hurts him or you or anyone he comes in contact with. If he gets beligerant when he drinks, then he's hurting his reputation. If he's drinking more than a few glasses of wine a night, then he's hurting his liver. Doctors say it is good to have up to 2 drinks per day, usually red wine or beer being the favored drinks. More than that and your hurting your liver. So is it just 2 drinks a day? Occasionaly more? I wouldn't worry. But if he's downing a six pack every time you see him, it might be time to find him some help.

 

Good luck.

[funkygirl758]

Hi,

 

I am glad you are concerned because you should be. Trust me. I have been there. My husband was an alcoholic when I met him, I didn't catch on until it was to late and I loved him. But he was like that. As long as they have a drink they are happy but when you confront them about it, they don't want to hear it. And you probably don't know the real him. If he quit drinking he might be the opposite person. My husband quit, but he is opposite of what I met.

 

Just to give you a heads up,

funkygirl

[angel123]

hi,

 

I know this question was posted a year ago, but I have the exact same concern.

About a year ago I moved in with my boyfriend and I'm a little concerned about his alcohol consumption. Here's the situation:

He goes out to meet his friends at the bar about 4 times a week (only at night) to have "a couple of beers" (not only beer, but liquor too). He doesn't always come home smashed, but has at least a buzz. A lot of times he drives home from the local bar with a buzz, which he doesn't consider a problem because the bar is so close to our house (5 min./ 6 blocks or so). About half a year ago he was totally smashed driving home from a club. After that we had a big fight and I told him that I wanted him to stop drinking for a months, just to see if he could do without. We came to a compromise, that he would only drink once a week for about 2 1/2 months, which he did. However he seemed lethargic, spending a lot of his free time at home watching tv, not meeting his friends because he didn't want to be the only one not drinking/probably didn't want to be tempted. I think he was kinda counting the days and once the period was over he slowly started the old pattern again (starting with two times a week it soon became more).

He admits that his mom had/has an alcohol problem (he never used the word alcoholic, but said she used to drink every day); he also knows that he has an addictive personality (he used to abuse drugs...). I've tried talking to him about his drinking. When I suggest that he is addicted to alcohol, he usually answers with the following:

1) he is a social drinker (he is not an alcoholic because he only drinks with other people ... he in fact never drinks alone/if the two of us are at home. He only drinks when he goes out or when when friends come over at night/has one or two beers or wine when we meet with others for dinner. But I am worried that he uses that as an excuse and if he was not addicted, he wouldn't go out as much to meet his friends at the bar to play pool)

2) he drinks "responsibly", besides drinking and driving, his drinking doesn't affect his work/he doesn't become violent or abusive or anything like that.

3) he just wants to have a good time, and doesn't drink because he has problems/he can have fun without drinking, which in fact is true (when he is not at the bar he can have fun not drinking), but at the bar or club he always drinks.

4) he has stopped before, so he knows he can do it again if he wanted to (he once stopped drinking for a year, because he thought he might become addicted).

 

What do you think... am I just overreacting? Am I taking this too serious?

 

I also have a question about his health. He has a typical beer belly (he is a little overweight anyways but it's mostly his belly that kinda makes him look like he's pregnant. What does that indicate... is it just overweight from drinking... or could that possibly indicate (the start of) a liver problem??

I'm trying to find ways to show him that his drinking does effect him, and I'm looking for facts that he can't deny.