Wanting them back

[drifter]

How many people have had an experience of not wanting someone back after they dumped you (and there was nothing more you wanted then to have them back) and then changed there mind (after you had time for personnal growth)? I would like to exclude those people that entered into a new realtionship after. Just curious.

[Spartan1]

For months now I have wanted my wife back. Would give anything for that chance. Dreamed about it night in night out. Just for that one chance.

 

But now I am not so sure. The reason is because of the way she left me and how she went about bringing an end to the relationship. It was cruel, callous and planned which I did not see at the time. There is no bad feeling between us but inside me, where I have let go and let things go there course I see things in a different light now. There is the version all my friends know, where I take the blame and then there is the truth I carry inside me, were I know it was both of our faults.

 

I am not sure I would want to go back to a person who would make up lies in order to get a quick divorce. I know it is the done thing now days, the idea being it helps both people to get out a marriage quickly and move on - but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The lies are nothing serious, irrelevant really, stuff like "didn't cover the pet rabbits up, etc" and were there was truth it was greatly exaggerated. It was a means to an end.

 

I think, maybe, it was because she done and acted in such a way that she no longer cared how I felt, she had an agenda, she was encouraged by these new friends of hers and I just felt I did not stand a chance. That nothing I could ever do or say would be right.

 

I am not sure I would go back to that. Communication was never my wife's strong point, she always kept things bottled up and there was blame on my side and hers. However, getting out of a relationship it is far easier to blame the other person, especially if a quicky divorce is your goal.

 

I don't think I could go back to someone like that. Faults were on both sides, my mistake was admitting mine to willingly and she took advantage of that.

 

However, saying that, I still get days and nights were I dream of my wife. Stupidly I worry about her still, whether she is ok, how she is fairing health and money wise. I want to talk to her but I cannot allow myself to go down that route. It's stupid. I am stupid. All she ever worried about was that house of hers and her own finances. Forget love, it was all about the cash and for all I know she could of wanted the quick divorce so she could see another fella.

 

The people I feel great compassion for are those folks whose partner left them without any explaination at all - not a note, nothing. That has to hurt. Hurt far more than my own pain. In the scheme of things I consider myself lucky compared to the heartache some people are going through.

 

I wonder if those people would have their partners back after they left with not a word as to why they decided to bring things to an end.

 

Sorry for the long post and going off topic every now and then.

[simonpeter]

Just wanted to thank you Spartan

[devnull]

Hmm, I keep going up and down on my emotions. She broke up with me and I accepted about 2 months ago (7 year relationship). The cause was that I did not allow her to be herself.

 

First two weeks were hell on earth. What I mean by up and down is that one week I'll say yes this was for the best allowed me to grow as in individual and preparing me for the next one. Then the next week I'll want her back so bad and miss her.

 

So I guess i'm still doing the balancing act. I already know for a fact that there are other people out there. As I have a gone out with a few.

 

So thats been my experience. It can only get better before it gets worse.

[tiff8434]

That is exactly where I am at now. I want my ex back, but I know it would not be healthy until he grows up!

[lisaria]

Hey everybody, I wanted nothing more than to have my ex back. The first month was the worst of my life. I just barely survived it one minute at a time. I still have my days when I miss him so much and it hurts. But they are getting fewer and farther between. I'm living for the day when I won't worry about him at all. It's coming. I still want to hear from him. I want him to call me, but it's been 2 months, so I'm pretty sure I'll never hear from him again. It's hard to accept that someone who meant so much to me and whom I meant so much to (supposedly) doesn't want to talk to me at all. I do not know if I would take him back not or not. I really don't think so. He cheated and I did not deserve that. I have learned alot from this experience and hopefully I'm a better person somehow. I do know that I am going to find someone even better than my ex (and I thought he was the best). Anyway, I'm not sure if this answers the question or not. I get sidetracked.

Lisa

[devnull]

Actually, this is probably not what some of you might wanna hear. But I think I am in the last stage, I no longer want back with the ex. Life is just too good w/o her.

 

I like hanging out with my friends and doing what I want. I as well learned a lot from this experience. Sorry guys, but we did not get back together and the grieving phase is over. One day I just woke up and no longer wanted the ex.

 

Its time for renewal, time to move on. . .

 

Time does heal all wounds.

[Jen23]

My husband and i have split for about two weeks or so. We were married for four months and together for over four years. I am not nearly over him but i have decided to stop listening to my heart and listen to my head. I know that i gave our relationship everything that i had and i must admit the way that he ended it was pretty bad. First he makes me think it was my fault. Saying that i didn't ask him to stay. Then a couple of nights go by and i call him to say that if i did do something i didn't mean it. Then comes the truth. He has known for over a year that we weren't going to work out. Anyways, long story, but in my heart i love him more then anything. I would crawl on my hands and knees for him to come back to me. I have decided that my heart is what got me hurt in the first place. I am choosing not to listen to my feelings about my ex. I am trying to be strong when it comes to him. So to the point, i don't want my ex back...

[Belle]

I'm actually on a mission to get over my ex as quickly as possible (without a proxy). I'm doing the no call thing, but I'm truly hoping to move past it thru therapy and positive thoughts. I screwed up and broke it off with him for the reason that he hurt me (I should have talked to him first but I admitted my mistake and profusely apologized) and he decided that he didn't know if he could trust me. Pretty silly considering he said he loved me. It's not like I cheated on him.

 

Anyway, if someone isn't willing to give me a chance and wants to punish me for making an error when you put yourself on the line, all I can say is it's time to move on. I've done it before in unhealthy relationships, I can do it now. The funny thing is that when they realize you don't want them any more it's an aphrodisiac. I counted all of the men I've dated seriously/slept with and when I left they all came back but 1. They all grew up too late because I had moved on. And I'm going to do it this time too.

 

The only solace I have right now is in knowing that I have unresolved issues and immaturity and I have decided that life is too short to not grow up and take personal responsibility. It will make me a better person in the long run and ready for a good guy who's willing to appreciate it.

 

Belle

 

PS I have found that listening to white flag by dido is pretty helpful...

[Technical Support]

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me a month ago and I wanted her back as soon as possible because I know that her needing her space and dating around to findout if I was "the one" for her only meant that she would be sleeping with another guy and doing things that I wont approve off...

 

basically what im trying to say is that as the one who was dumped I wanted her to come back right away so that all those things that I wont be able deal with while were apart....and all she wants to do is the things that are going to make me want her less...

 

make sense?