No contact rule impossible

[benjaminge1]

6 days ago my girlfriend finished with me. we've been together for 4 years and have a 2 year old daughter. She really is adiment it's over.We have broken up before but it's really hurting this time and i can see my mistakes.

 

I don't want to contact her because i really want her back but i have a daughter. I said to her yesterday i didnt want to see her or my daughter for at least a month. The reason i said i didnt want to see my daughter is because she kept saying something about a male friend of hers called Lewis. I think she may be seeing him. When i said i didn't want to see my daughter because it hurts when she talks about this man, she said she'll stop seeing him, he's only a friend. I don't know wether she said this because she wants a babysitter?

 

We left it as me contacting her in few weeks to see my daughter. In one way i don't want to contact her because i hope this will get her thinking about me but then if i don't contact her it looks like i'm still hurting.

 

I'm not sure wether to call next week and say i'll have my daughter on saturday just so it looks like i'm getting on with my life or to just leave it so maybe she misses me.

Please help.

[avman]

Please don't penalize your daughter by not seeing her. The relationship with your girlfriend may be over, but your daughter loves you and needs you.

 

Try to see her as often as possible. Shoot for weekly. A month is a long time for her to go without seeing you. You don't have to have any conversations with your girlfriend if they don't relate to your daughter. You still need to cooperate as parents. Thats the compromise of no contact you'll have to use here. No contact isn't meant for situations involving children. You can't do that to the kids. Yes its going to complicate things, hurt more, and delay your healing. But the kids have to come first.

 

avman

[lindy55]

I have to say that I agree with Avman. Your relationship with your daughter has nothing to do with your relationship with your girlfriend, and you need to be able to look at it separately. Won't *you* miss your daughter if you don't see her for a month? How do you think a two-year-old would feel if her daddy just disappeared for so long? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think you really need to get your priorities straight. Your daughter really does need to come first.