is NC my only option?

[dhjjessel]

i just seems that whenever i instigate NC, it just gets broken. During the LC i have had for the last 5 months, i feel less and less attached, but still have strong feelings for her. Still, I cant bring myself to instigate strict NC. I felt that during the time I was in NC, in my crazy mind I was basically sitting there for weeks, waiting for her to break it, and jumping at the prospect of what it might mean when she did. If i make a stand and reinitiate NC, then I feel I will be proving myself to be weak as a man, and also it probably will just be broken again by her at some point anyway. Is there any other way? Maybe i should just man up and admit i cant always get what i want

[Clabs]

Hey fella

 

At the end of the day, I think it all depends on just how long you are prepared to go on like this. Doesn't sound like such a good place to me.

 

Mark

[IMAbadman]

You're right, you can't always get what you want. But you can control your actions. While you vasilate with NC think of what the LC is doing... Is it bringing her closer? Are you feeling better about yourself and your position?

[dhjjessel]

she is very difficult to read. Since she never really appears to like me less or more, its hard to tell what it is doing. What i can say is that I feel stronger, even though i think about her all the time, even though i havent moved on. To be honest, maybe i feel like I am beginning to get bored of all the half-baked exchanges we seem to have, and am starting to stop grasping at threads. Still, i feel like I am entitled to ask her exactly what she wants from me. I mean she wants to see me, but I would like to know whether she sees this as a friendship, and nothing more... i deserve to know where i stand. Still, I know what her answer will be; " We will always be more than 'just friends.'" I dont know how to deal with that information

[IMAbadman]

Why can't you ask her on a date? Take her out, show her a good time. If she turns down the date you know where you stand.

[dhjjessel]

interesting - I pursued her for a long time with such things, and she enjoyed my company etc and accepted gifts etc and then couldnt commit to me. For me to take her on a date would be sort of ridiculous at this stage i feel.

[IMAbadman]

interesting - I chased her for a long time with such things, and she enjoyed my company etc and accepted gifts etc and then couldnt commit to me. For me to take her on a date would be sort of ridiculous at this stage i feel.

 

What does chasing her and buying her gifts have to do with taking her on a date? You know what a date is right?

 

Maybe this will help; Date - a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.

 

Generally dating tends to lead to romance and a relationship. As I understand you're in in LC, buying her gifts and chasing her around and you haven't gotten past lab dog. Hmmm... exactly which one is more ridiculous?

 

I'm suggesting you step up your 'game' to move towards intimacy you're suggesting confronting her as to what her intentions are in contacting you.

 

Although dhjjessel I think there is a few places in Africa and India where you can still get a relationship for a few pigs and goats (a.k.a. gifts). What ever trips your trigger buddy...

[dhjjessel]

maybe i didnt make myself clear - her and i used to go out on "dates" quite often. Then i got dumped

[InRecovery]

I think you have to do NC.

 

She seems like she's a still a part of your life, but you obviously still want more from her. If you ask for this it will only push her away, its a decision she has to come to.

 

You have to accept that she probably isn't going to be any more then a friend at this stage, and that this friendship is probably holding you back from moving on and getting the type of relationship you want down the line.

 

It won't be easy, and yes you'll be hoping she breaks no contact and initially it may seem like you're taking a step back, but it takes time to realise they're not the person to you that you had hoped they would be.

[IMAbadman]

Maybe I'm not being clear. OK... one more time... I'd do this in Crayon but can't do it on the board here bud.

 

She seems like she's a still a part of your life, but you obviously still want more from her. You have LC with her... good first step. Your approach thus far has been LC and buying her gifts. You're a lap dog. She pets you when she wants, kennels you when she doesn't, swats you when you hump her leg. Sound about right?

 

If you ask for a relationship this it will serve to push her away, its a decision she has to come to all by herself. DO NOT DO THIS.

 

SO MY SUGGESTION ONCE AGAIN... you quit being a lap dog. Quit humping her leg... it's not working and hasn't worked for the past 5 months. Back off. Turn the volume down on your contacts and drop the gifts. By the way most, if not all, women hate when a man trys to buy their affections. When she does make contact... YOU ASK FOR A DATE. See DATE definition above.

 

On said DATE you do fun, romantic things, e.g. dinner, movie, walks together, etc... Said DATE should serve to build a romantic attraction with her once again. Said DATE should be you and her ALONE. Said DATE should NOT be used to whine about past relationship, discuss your short commings, how you've improved yourself, blah, blah, blah...

 

If she accepts said DATE. You go for another one, i.e. wait and repeat (kinda like shampoo). When you build up say 3 or more DATES with her this is called "DATING".

 

Should she not accept your grand offer of dinner, a movie, and a walk (DATE). Back off. Wait a few weeks and hit her up again for... guess what.... a... say it with me, "DATE".

 

You said you want to know where this is going with her. If she will not accept a "DATE" with you, you can be pretty assured her interaction with you is strictly "FRIENDSHIP". At that point you either bail out or hang in there.

 

Hope this helps.