I'm not showing enough interest in other people. It seems!

[sarsapolis6]

Hypothetically, how could you tell that I really care about you as a friend and that I'm not talking to you "just to be nice?"

 

Even though I mentioned the following quotes to certain people at work and school, I feel like I am not quite "reaching them" as other people can.

 

Here's what I've said or asked at various times

How is your day?

And how's your family?

I like your hair!

What are you having for lunch today? Sounds delicious!

Did you go to the International Festival this weekend?

Hey did you see this film in the theatres?

Do you have any pets? What type of pet would you like to have?

How's Scruffy? When do you usually take him out for a walk?

Have you been to (name of a Tex-mex restaurant)? You gotta try their pollo marisco. It's delicious!

What's good on TV?

Say on May 15th there's going to be a strawberry festival...it'll be a fun place to take the kids.

[/i]

What's missing? What's wrong here?

 

And since I'm not reaching these people, I almost feel like I haven't had the permission to talk about what I really want to talk about.

I feel like it's a game of give and take...where I have to talk

to these people first, and as a reward (hopefully) they'll gladly listen to me whenever I want to talk about something...stories, opinions, etc.

[alexandergre]

Those are really good for startin a new converstation with someone you barely know. But you have to have more contact with the person you like to show intrest. Be with them and do stuff together.

 

BTW, if someone asks you for a favor then do it or TRY to do it atleast. I really like people who do something for me when I ask them. The next time I do it for them.

It makes trust between us.

[Abby]

All those things are good. But what proves to me that someone isn't interested in a friendship with me is if I invite them round for coffee, they look really frightened then make some lame excuse as to why they can't. Now if they'd said something like, "I'm sorry, I can't on Xday as I have plans but how about Yday instead?" then actually follow through. That would prove their interest. Sometimes people will agree then bail the last minute as if the plans weren't definite then follow with some lame excuse then get defensive when I ask them what happened to our plans.

 

So, if someone asks to get together, if you can agree, please do so and make sure to follow through. If you can't make it on the day suggested, offer an alternative. That will show you're interested and not just trying to avoid making plans with them.

 

Of course, I realise none of this may be the case for you. I'm speaking from my own experience of trying to get together with potential friends.

[COtuner]

This is what I run into also. I had people at work that I took a risk and asked them to do something, fully expecting nothing but excuses. One of them rejected me (of course) and I withdrew the invite and apologized for bothering them. But the other sent me an email with his number and said he was my friend, why was I doubting it, and for me to give him a call since he'd been trapped in the house with his kid all day and wanted some adult conversation. Since then he's asked me to lunch and to happy hour with his team, and talks to me at work a lot. So people can surprise you sometimes.

 

I struggle with making friends, as opposed to just chatting with people now and then, because I move so often. I hadn't learned how to open up and seem approachable - I look standoffish, when in reality I'm feeling bad because I wish I had that casual easy relationship that other people seem to be able to create. My friendships seem to form over specific events because it forces people together (work crisis, or the playoffs, or a business trip, etc)