torn between two guys

[sweetharmony]

I started dating two guys almost exactly the same time. I recently met both of them and I wasn't sure about each one, so I decided to date both of them casually- no harm no commitment- neither knew (I figured I'd pick real quick and then drop one before anything became serious. Well, both are becoming serious (it's been a little over a month) and both seem to want an exclusive relationship. Each has qualities that I like, and I can't figure out who to choose. A friend says that if I'm so unsure, then neither is the one for me. Also, I just ended a 4 yr relationship last year and my heart has been a little resistant to opening up. It's been difficult to get over and so I'm a little cautious. I'm not looking to get married anytime soon, but I'm not going to waste my time having fun either. I am looking for my future soul mate, but I'm not going to pressure marriage in a year por even two or three. I have amny things I'd like to do before I need that contract. But I'm not going to waste my time knowing it's likely going to end either. Well, it seems both men told me upfront that they aren't looking to gt married and they are glad that it's not on my mind like so many other girls my age (25 yrs). No, it's not at the forefront of my mind, but I would like the fresh hope that the next man I meet could be the one. Who wants to just know upfront that it's likely going to end? One guy is finishing med school and will be leaving in a year to do his residency he wants to move out of state- he's 24 and still young-i doubt he'd want to continue a relationship. The other is 30 and doesn't even know if he want to have kids or get married. He's also unsure of his future. He's kind of in his prime to get married. I'm not going to invest my heart in something like these. WHen a guy says he's glad I'm not looking for marriage, what does that mean. Is this telling em straight up that I am not the one? Should I not invest my heart in either guy? Thanks!

[mellowchild]

no one's really sure who "the one" will be until they've put they're whole heart into it. many people don't like taking this risk because it makes them vunerable.

 

i suggest you date only one man at once. the reason is because right now you're comparing these two men to your standards. you're not sure because most likely there's no real chemistry going on. give yourself time to explore yourself and discover others. yes i do agree that even younger women (like myself) we like to have fun.. but deep inside we're looking for that special person.

 

Even when they say that they're "not exactly looking for marriage" it doesn't mean they can't change their mind. Some men say that just so they won't scare women off or they're just not sure. Men are worried about getting hurt also thereforeeee they need that space.

 

good luck.

[sweetharmony]

thank you mellowchild!

But how do I choose b/w both men? They both want to be exclusive and I'm not really ready for that. i'm not sure if either is the one. One is 24 and in med school. the other 30 and a creative. The med student and I both have the same socioeconomic background, religion, future goals, education is impt to us, etc... the other I'm more physically attracted to (not that the med student isn't attractive- he's too attractive- girls are always flirting with him that it bothers me) The creative guy is more my type- simple beauty. The relationship with the creative could be more secure- he's creative, artistic, humble and non-materialistic, (when we're together- his eyes are on me) whereas the med student is very charismatic and flirtatious with other women (in front of me) I told him that it makes me uncomfortable and he understood and has eased up a bit, but he's from another country where flirting and up close contact is normal. He's a social butterfly and it sort of worries me, although I can handle my own in a room full of strangers- I'm somewhat social. But I like the creative's personality much better- he's witty, sarcastic, friendly (not shy, but conscientious of me when we're together). But The med student is the one I could see future with- same religion, I've opened up more to him about my innermost thoughts. etc...but he'e leaving next year and the the creative man and I have very different backgrounds but we can talk on the phone for hours at a time. How do I choose? Evryone says, follow my heart, my heart isn't telling me anything yet.