Some light contact with EX after 5 months of NC

[fanox]

Hi there! I've written about my EX gf in my previous 3-4 posts and it's been about 3-4 months since then. She contacted me recently and I'm asking for a little advise on how to be, and cause the least amnt. of damage to myself

I've kept NC for quite some time (bout 4 mos.), and neither one of us tried to contact the other. I've been moving on really, even though often thinking of the past with this girl and her character and all. She was very sexy and very much a girl to me then.

 

Anyways, I work overnight in a printing/copying company and one night recently, my EX called me (i didnt pick up) and wrote me a text message out of the blue (and after 4-5 mos.) saying that she misses me and she hopes that I'm doing okay. I was helping a customer, and I don't know why, but this super sudden call & message made me really really mad ( I don't know why) (I was "the dumpee" in a way, by the way)

So, after 2 weeks or so, today, we have this very funny little text message session in the middle of the day (1st time for 4 months). We actually talked on the phone for 5 minutes too and laughed and said we'll talk again after few hours.

 

My question is...

I've been very loving and pretty great to this girl in the past. I don't really have any bad feelings and I'm not bitter. There is a lot to be bitter about, but I have already moved on. I don't know if I want to start friendly contact with her. I think we may easily end up sexin' if we meet, and I want to be consistent with my newly found dignity

 

There will be more contact from her, we didn't even ask each other "how've you been" yet.

 

How do I keep contact at minimum, when I sound happy to hear from her, and when I'm 'smiling' on the phone? I think I have truly moved on because I don't care much about the past * * * * she caused me. I want to preserve my dignity and I don't know if that means to ignore her. I don't think so, but if we talk, we are going to end up meeting and getting close again (exchanging info and * * * * ). As a result my mind will be occupied with thoughts of her, while I was well past those @ this time.

 

Let me know what you people think, pls. I'm happy to finally be comfortable hearing from this girl again, (it took me a while) but I don't know how to let her around me again, when she literally doesn't deserve it, and yet I want to.

Thanx!

[vertigoxo]

What do you mean you were the "dumpee in a way"?

[canali]

I suppose it is WHERE In the process of recovering yourself that you are, right? and are YOU REALLY as over her as you THINK you are?...your thread suggests differently when you bolden things such as swearing and ''bitterness'' (and dont' get me wrong: i'm not knocking you: but LOOK CLEARLY inside and get to know your true intentions).

 

That leads to the next question: if you in fact are over your ex ''totally'' what then.., did you both overall have good relations,...sounds not so in your instance, however

 

For me it's ego and pride right now...but I'm also HURT in that I can't rise above ''it'' and just be there for her...but am hoping down the road that I can.

...yet even this is not without it's own hassles as below in the articles

(for you I'd read the 2nd one and the comments at the bottom).

 

This excerpt below by Kate Hudson on this very topic:

link removed

 

and below a much more insightful article to more scrutinously examine the many ''whys'' we may want to be friends and 'how' to do it ...hmmm fodder for thought.

 

link removed

[fanox]

hey, vertigoxo. I mean that while we were still together she started ignoring my calls (even though she owed me money) and did nothing to help my tough fin. situation. I pulled away, but that was after she deliberately showed me very little attention when she was owing me big money for numerous things. That money brought my life to a hault then too.

 

whatever,

[atelis]

there are a few contradictions in your post that lead me to believe that you are perhaps not quite over this girl as you think you might be.

 

you say you are not bitter, yet the the message and the call made you really angry.

 

you also say that you think you are well and truly over her, yet you also say that she doesn't dersve to be around you for all the crap she caused you.

 

It sounds to me like there is still a lot of anger and bitterness there.......it sounds like you still have the love/hate thing going on.

 

If you are truly over her, then the thought of meeting her and spending time shouldn't make you angry or bitter. It doesn't sound like you've reached that point yet

[vertigoxo]

hey, vertigoxo. I mean that while we were still together she started ignoring my calls (even though she owed me money) and did nothing to help my tough fin. situation. I pulled away, but that was after she deliberately showed me very little attention when she was owing me big money for numerous things. That money brought my life to a hault then too.

 

whatever,

 

Hey fanox. Two questions:

 

1.) Who broke up with who?

2.) How long were you two together?

[fanox]

Hey fanox. Two questions:

 

1.) Who broke up with who?

2.) How long were you two together?

 

a quick reply comin' your way:

 

1.) There was no official break-up. While we were still intimate and "together" I was working a lot (2 overnight jobs) and tried to contact her, she doesn't pick up, then on the next morning (why da F... dont you pick up, forgive, okay done). Then "i'll fix it, I'll call my dad and give you back the money" .... no, it doesn't happen

"i did it already, you should have it tomorrow" ... nope, not really ... and that goes on for 2 weeks at least while my banks charge me millions in overdrafts ..and yet, me the smartest person alive, continues to spend his only $5-6 on cheap dinners with her.

In the mean time not picking up my calls, and we end up having sex again (i dont know man, what was I thinking) So I let a week go, and write a short note saying that I agree with the "break up" and forget about any money between us, take care of your self. that's it. She calls after 10 min. of giving her the letter personally at her house and I don't pick up. Done. What follows is 4-5 mos. NC.

2.) We were together for precisely 1 year. Maybe 3-4 days over a year

 

 

Thanx by the way

[vertigoxo]

You're very welcome, I love to help people out! Anyways, wow, sounds like the fallout was about lack of communication. I believe that, since the ltter says "break up" written over it, it is indeed a break up. 3-4 months NC says that. You were together for a year and a few days. Fair enough. If it really bugs you that she contacts you, tell her the truth, no matter how bitter it may sound. You are doing this for the best. If you want her friendship, tell her you may need some more time. The fact that you angrilly reacted to her contacting you somewhat tells me that you do still have leftover feelings for her- It doesn't have to be lovey-dovey. If you feel remotely anything towards your ex, you still have feelings for them. The end.

[fanox]

Thanx, g (girl)!

I appreciate your input.

You see, you are right, I do have feelings left over for her; that must be said. I may sound angry but I think that I am deliberately forsing anger into my sistem.

Of course i am not completely over this girl. As I said, for me she was a little godess and I haven't had another relationship after her. I'm angry at myself by the way the most i think.

 

What I mean to say by "i'm over it" is that I really don't hope to be together with her anymore, and I really am different than me in the first month post-breakup.

 

You're right though. I have some healing to do still, and that is just time. So i have some time to do in other words Time away with my things and my career or interests.

 

Again, thanx a big pile, for your thoughts!

[vertigoxo]

Your welcome! I'm sure that in a few more months, all of your leftover feelings for her will be gone. And hey, there's no need to be alone in this; You should go around and date other girls, see if anyone catches your eye.

 

Again, you're very welcome.