AJEDrew7 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 My girlfriend broke up with me after 7 months because we're in a long distance relationship for half the year (the other half we're together) and she found it pressing and difficult because she isn't good with distance. It happened over spring break and the whole plane ride back she told me she loved me. It wasn't a bad breakup because I acted okay with the breakup though I'm heartbroken. But, she knows I'm emotionally torn because her guy friend made jokes about it and upset me. She asks my roomate to make sure I'm happy and doesn't want me to be upset. I want to win her back and make her miss me but she says she doesn't want a relationship anytime soon. For the last 3 weeks we've talked about why we've broken up and we've been chatting like best friends. She talks to me all the time. If I don't instant message her, she'll message me. I feel like she still loves me still. I was contemplating no contact but I think it may backfire and just cause everything we still have to fall apart since she says she doesn't want a serious relationship anytime soon and apparently it was getting too serious for her . My other option is that since we'll be spending lots of time together this summer that would help me make her realize she missed me and how good things were when we were together. I was thinking maybe I could change her mind about the relationship in general but I'm not sure if either would be effective and whether it'd be worth trying. She says she doesn't want to talk about us or being together at all and just wants to concentrate on us being friends. I don't know if this is a test at how needy I am or maybe she wants me to stay in her life for when she's home for good and thinks of me as serious material and doesn't want to ruin things while she's away or maybe she just wants to be friends straight up. Link to comment
louhere Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 NC is always the best option!! Go NC straight away Link to comment
jasav1 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Go NC dude. She has to see what she has lost before she can start missing you. When she misses you and doesn't hear from you, she's going to be wondering what you're doing with yourself, whether you have moved on to another relationship etc. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Don't be a fool about it though, explain to her that you feel it's best you don't talk anymore because this is too hard for yourself, and wish her all the best for the future. Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 What I'm worried about is that the NC won't make a difference. She has said she doesn't want a serious relationship at this point in her life. Sure she may miss me, but is that grounds for her to break from what she's told me? What I'm saying is that I don't know if NC would be effective at all considering Link to comment
jasav1 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Chasing her won't be affective either though mate. It will just push her away more. Go NC, it's your best chance. It it's meant to be, it will be. Let her know your decision, don't just suddenly go all NC. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 No contact isn't about getting her back, it's about getting you back. No contact with her might get her thinking about what she had and what she wants. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes this works to the Dumpee's advantage. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 No contact isn't about getting her back, it's about getting you back. No contact with her might get her thinking about what she had and what she wants. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes this works to the Dumpee's advantage. Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 The thing is is that I'm not chasing her, she's chasing me. I have sat online without talking to her at all or without calling her, but no matter what I do she always strikes up a conversation with me. And I know part of NC is about getting me back, but I know I can get me back without going NC completely too. Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 The thing is is that I'm not chasing her, she's chasing me. I have sat online without talking to her at all or without calling her, but no matter what I do she always strikes up a conversation with me. And I know part of NC is about getting me back, but I know I can get me back without going NC completely too. Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 But I want to be with her stilll. I guess what I meant when I said I can get me back is that I can go on and live my life eventually. But that doesn't mean the feelings won't still be there. You know? Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 But I want to be with her stilll. I guess what I meant when I said I can get me back is that I can go on and live my life eventually. But that doesn't mean the feelings won't still be there. You know? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Yeah... I know. Just about all of us who have been in your situation know. There is no for sure way to get her back and trying to be her friend more than likely isn't going to do it either. She wants you around for a "friend" because it's comforting, familiar, and even a little guilt relief. You’ll be hanging around “waiting” for her to love you once more. In the mean time she’s looking for Mr. Next. Then when she starts dating and you go postal on her because you/she said "maybe in the future" you'll get the canned speech, “Why are you mad? I said I only wanted to be friends.” Your best bet is to cut all contact, agree that it's not working out. Friends isn't an option right now. Save face, walk away like a man with your pride in tact. Get your poop in a group. Maybe, just maybe she'll realize what she had and want it back. There are no guarantees. In the mean time you should be scouting out Mrs. Right. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Yeah... I know. Just about all of us who have been in your situation know. There is no for sure way to get her back and trying to be her friend more than likely isn't going to do it either. She wants you around for a "friend" because it's comforting, familiar, and even a little guilt relief. You’ll be hanging around “waiting” for her to love you once more. In the mean time she’s looking for Mr. Next. Then when she starts dating and you go postal on her because you/she said "maybe in the future" you'll get the canned speech, “Why are you mad? I said I only wanted to be friends.” Your best bet is to cut all contact, agree that it's not working out. Friends isn't an option right now. Save face, walk away like a man with your pride in tact. Get your poop in a group. Maybe, just maybe she'll realize what she had and want it back. There are no guarantees. In the mean time you should be scouting out Mrs. Right. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 It is harsh advice, but it is good advice I got it last week from various sources and eventually I sat up and took notice. It's not easy, I still have my moments of weakness, but you do/will get through it. If a person can't reciprocate your feelings towards them, then they are not worth those feelings. Invest in yourself ps - IMAbadman - I think I'm following you around here...LOL Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 It is harsh advice, but it is good advice I got it last week from various sources and eventually I sat up and took notice. It's not easy, I still have my moments of weakness, but you do/will get through it. If a person can't reciprocate your feelings towards them, then they are not worth those feelings. Invest in yourself ps - IMAbadman - I think I'm following you around here...LOL I don't mean to be harsh. I just tend to be overly blunt. We all know breaking up is painful and it's really hard to analyze a situation when you’re a party to it and riding the emotional rollercoaster. I like to think that sometimes people just want an honest answer, without the sugar coating. Generally it’s not what they want to hear but rather, what needs to be said. PS. You can follow me anywhere. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 It is harsh advice, but it is good advice I got it last week from various sources and eventually I sat up and took notice. It's not easy, I still have my moments of weakness, but you do/will get through it. If a person can't reciprocate your feelings towards them, then they are not worth those feelings. Invest in yourself ps - IMAbadman - I think I'm following you around here...LOL I don't mean to be harsh. I just tend to be overly blunt. We all know breaking up is painful and it's really hard to analyze a situation when you’re a party to it and riding the emotional rollercoaster. I like to think that sometimes people just want an honest answer, without the sugar coating. Generally it’s not what they want to hear but rather, what needs to be said. PS. You can follow me anywhere. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I don't mean to be harsh. I just tend to be overly blunt. We all know breaking up is painful and it's really hard to analyze a situation when you’re a party to it and riding the emotional rollercoaster. I like to think that sometimes people just want an honest answer, without the sugar coating. Generally it’s not what they want to hear but rather, what needs to be said. PS. You can follow me anywhere. Maybe 'harsh' was quite a severe word to use. But you obviously know where I'm coming from. I appreciate the (sometimes brutal) honesty on this site and I like to believe it's said from a caring point of view. Thats how I like to post on here. We all want to hear that our exes are going to change their minds and come back and sometimes they do, but sometimes that goal is an all consuming passion and we should all be spending time looking after ourselves. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I don't mean to be harsh. I just tend to be overly blunt. We all know breaking up is painful and it's really hard to analyze a situation when you’re a party to it and riding the emotional rollercoaster. I like to think that sometimes people just want an honest answer, without the sugar coating. Generally it’s not what they want to hear but rather, what needs to be said. PS. You can follow me anywhere. Maybe 'harsh' was quite a severe word to use. But you obviously know where I'm coming from. I appreciate the (sometimes brutal) honesty on this site and I like to believe it's said from a caring point of view. Thats how I like to post on here. We all want to hear that our exes are going to change their minds and come back and sometimes they do, but sometimes that goal is an all consuming passion and we should all be spending time looking after ourselves. Link to comment
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