Should I give him another chance after all the lies?

[dancingdreamer]

We have been together for almost 3 years. He has lied to me on and off in the relationship. Each time he says he won't do it again but it keeps happening. I have given him chance after chance after chance. Honesty is very important to me and he knows that. I've lost a lot of trust in him. We had the 'break-up' conversation last night, and he is begging me for another chance. He says he doesn't want to lose me, but how could I trust him after all the lies? So my question is, should I give him another chance after all the lies? Please Help!

[musicguy]

I wouldn't give him another chance at all.

[gogol]

hello,

here is my advice. I would tell him again just how bad it makes you feel when he lies to you. tell him that it hurts and that you don't want to feel the pain anymore. if you like/love him still, tell him sol but tell him that you can't live with the uncertainty with him anymore. (things along these lines). after this, separate from him a little. tell him that you have broken up. if he has strong feelings for you, he will do anything to make you come back. this will let you see how he truly feels. after he does what he does (or doesnt do) then make your decision on wheather or not to give him another chance.

 

hope this helps.

[Xandra]

What could possibly convince you that after violating your trust over and over again, that it will all of a sudden stop? What makes things different this time? This guy doesn't deserve to have someone as understanding and compassionate as you are.

 

You will never trust this guy again, there is just no way to re-establish trust after it's been stomped on this many times. If you give him another chance you're asking for trouble. Don't put your heart on the line again for someone who doesn't deserve it.

[Vixenstar]

I wouldn't give him another chance at all.

 

Its not just as easy as that..... when you love someone your very hesitant to let that love go, especially when its reciprocated now and then.

 

I'm in a similar situation but not only do I not trust my boyfriend but I dont trust anyone or any person in my life.. borne from abuse as a child and everyone taking me for granted as I grew up, men meant nothing to me till I met my current boyfriend. I could simply tell them where to go as easy as turning a light on and off... But now I can't!

 

And its all to do with love......unfortunately there have been lies and untruths along the way but I still love my boyfriend, sometimes I wish I didn't. But to be honest insecurities shown "here" on the surface are only tips iceburgs that lie beneath.

 

A friend of mine once told me that insecurities are born from within, and that the reason you doubt others is because you doubt and do not trust yourself..... I'm still working on this to see if its really that case!

 

I'd say do what your heart tells you to do, dont follow your head, and don't listen to what other people say.

[Chan209]

I wouldn't give him another chance. You've given him more than enough chances, as he sure as heck knows he shouldn't be lying.

 

He only continues to do so because he'll know you'll take him back...as you have time and time again. He's just continuing to do it because he knows you'll just take him back again.

[lexiemae1980]

Here is what you do...Ignore him for a week. Don't return his calls or anything. Let him think he lost you forever, but make it clear to him why you left him. Write it in a note that way he can reread it (some men are slow and need to reread things or it won't sink in) Ussually the man will call you crying.. He is confused, (you have never been so strong before), It will earn you his respect, He will start to think you are better than him (he will think who are you to leave ME). This works everytime. Go out enjoy your week of freedom and watch him deterriorate, it's a great feeling. Make sure he sees you out in all your glory at least once and flirt with another man (make sure that the man wants you and make sure you are not throwing yourself at him) This will make you man think other men want you and everyone knows men only want what is already wanted. The also want the unattainable. If you think this doesn't sound like your man....trust me it is everyman. The shock treatment for them is that you have to drop him cold turkey. This will throw him into shock. Tell him you will never wpeak to him again and you have to be firm... no matter how much you want to call him...wait. Don't worry about what he is doing just go out and do what you want to do. When you see him just glance at him like he is nothing like he never phased you(like you don't know him) this will drive him nuts. At this point he might come up to you and say we need to talk, if he does say talk about what we broke up..... but if he persists tell him again why you broke up ...then walk away ...give it a few days and then you can reconcile with you man...he will be a changed man. Oh and you have to give him terms and conditions to your relationship like if you ever lie again I will leave you for good. Now what I just described to you will instill the fear in him that you might actually leave him. Relationships always go wrong once this fear is gone, that is why most marraiges fail men think they can do whatever they want and the woman will take it. So be strong the stronger and more confident you become and weaker and insecure he becomes.

[lexiemae1980]

Here is what you do...Ignore him for a week. Don't return his calls or anything. Let him think he lost you forever, but make it clear to him why you left him. Write it in a note that way he can reread it (some men are slow and need to reread things or it won't sink in) Ussually the man will call you crying.. He is confused, (you have never been so strong before), It will earn you his respect, He will start to think you are better than him (he will think who are you to leave ME). This works everytime. Go out enjoy your week of freedom and watch him deterriorate, it's a great feeling. Make sure he sees you out in all your glory at least once and flirt with another man (make sure that the man wants you and make sure you are not throwing yourself at him) This will make you man think other men want you and everyone knows men only want what is already wanted. The also want the unattainable. If you think this doesn't sound like your man....trust me it is everyman. The shock treatment for them is that you have to drop him cold turkey. This will throw him into shock. Tell him you will never wpeak to him again and you have to be firm... no matter how much you want to call him...wait. Don't worry about what he is doing just go out and do what you want to do. When you see him just glance at him like he is nothing like he never phased you(like you don't know him) this will drive him nuts. At this point he might come up to you and say we need to talk, if he does say talk about what we broke up..... but if he persists tell him again why you broke up ...then walk away ...give it a few days and then you can reconcile with you man...he will be a changed man. Oh and you have to give him terms and conditions to your relationship like if you ever lie again I will leave you for good. Now what I just described to you will instill the fear in him that you might actually leave him. Relationships always go wrong once this fear is gone, that is why most marraiges fail men think they can do whatever they want and the woman will take it. So be strong the stronger and more confident you become and weaker and insecure he becomes.

[lexiemae1980]

Here is what you do...Ignore him for a week. Don't return his calls or anything. Let him think he lost you forever, but make it clear to him why you left him. Write it in a note that way he can reread it (some men are slow and need to reread things or it won't sink in) Ussually the man will call you crying.. He is confused, (you have never been so strong before), It will earn you his respect, He will start to think you are better than him (he will think who are you to leave ME). This works everytime. Go out enjoy your week of freedom and watch him deterriorate, it's a great feeling. Make sure he sees you out in all your glory at least once and flirt with another man (make sure that the man wants you and make sure you are not throwing yourself at him) This will make you man think other men want you and everyone knows men only want what is already wanted. The also want the unattainable. If you think this doesn't sound like your man....trust me it is everyman. The shock treatment for them is that you have to drop him cold turkey. This will throw him into shock. Tell him you will never wpeak to him again and you have to be firm... no matter how much you want to call him...wait. Don't worry about what he is doing just go out and do what you want to do. When you see him just glance at him like he is nothing like he never phased you(like you don't know him) this will drive him nuts. At this point he might come up to you and say we need to talk, if he does say talk about what we broke up..... but if he persists tell him again why you broke up ...then walk away ...give it a few days and then you can reconcile with you man...he will be a changed man. Oh and you have to give him terms and conditions to your relationship like if you ever lie again I will leave you for good. Now what I just described to you will instill the fear in him that you might actually leave him. Relationships always go wrong once this fear is gone, that is why most marraiges fail men think they can do whatever they want and the woman will take it. So be strong the stronger and more confident you become and weaker and insecure he becomes.

[lexiemae1980]

Here is what you do...Ignore him for a week. Don't return his calls or anything. Let him think he lost you forever, but make it clear to him why you left him. Write it in a note that way he can reread it (some men are slow and need to reread things or it won't sink in) Ussually the man will call you crying.. He is confused, (you have never been so strong before), It will earn you his respect, He will start to think you are better than him (he will think who are you to leave ME). This works everytime. Go out enjoy your week of freedom and watch him deterriorate, it's a great feeling. Make sure he sees you out in all your glory at least once and flirt with another man (make sure that the man wants you and make sure you are not throwing yourself at him) This will make you man think other men want you and everyone knows men only want what is already wanted. The also want the unattainable. If you think this doesn't sound like your man....trust me it is everyman. The shock treatment for them is that you have to drop him cold turkey. This will throw him into shock. Tell him you will never wpeak to him again and you have to be firm... no matter how much you want to call him...wait. Don't worry about what he is doing just go out and do what you want to do. When you see him just glance at him like he is nothing like he never phased you(like you don't know him) this will drive him nuts. At this point he might come up to you and say we need to talk, if he does say talk about what we broke up..... but if he persists tell him again why you broke up ...then walk away ...give it a few days and then you can reconcile with you man...he will be a changed man. Oh and you have to give him terms and conditions to your relationship like if you ever lie again I will leave you for good. Now what I just described to you will instill the fear in him that you might actually leave him. Relationships always go wrong once this fear is gone, that is why most marraiges fail men think they can do whatever they want and the woman will take it. So be strong the stronger and more confident you become and weaker and insecure he becomes. By the way look happy without him.

[jasminebose]

My perspective is a little different. I too am in a relationship where i have found out my bf lied. I think it depends on what he lied about and how much it really matters to you. I wouldn't, for example, put up with my bf lying about whether or not he had cheated but i don't have so much of a problem with (harmless) lies per se. It also depends how good your relp is otherwise, if you are generally happy and it is minor lies I'd not be too concerned