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Hello all,

Well let's see, I have been with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years, the thing is I've been with her through out most of my years in high school and now that I've graduated and going off to college I feel like I need to see other people mess around a bit before I'm ready to settle down.

My girlfriend is older than I am she's done with college and ready to settle down, something I can't do not just yet.

We've talked about me going on dates with other women which I don't mind it's just the part when she says she'll go on dates too, I can't stand the thought of another person dating her.

I don't know if I should go through with dating other women with the chance of her meeting someone else or doing anything with other people.

I feel like she had her fun before she met me and now that I'm ready to go out and about it's my turn to mess around.

Yeah it sounds bad but i feel it would be the best way for me to get rid of these feelings.

I would love for her to just let me go off and do my thing while she waits for me to come back, which I will because I know she is my one, and I don't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone but her.

 

I was talking with a friend the other night, she said my girlfriend is the one that I would be searching for but I found her too quickly, which is good and bad, I wanted to go through the break ups with other women and the thrill of finding another possible "one" the experiences I would go through, but I can't because I don't have anyone to look for

 

Any advice?

Yes, it does sound conceited.

 

Should I mention that when we're on the phone I hardly say anything to her, we just sit there, and it's not like the " I could sit here all night without saying a word and love it " it feels like more of a chore.

 

I want to go do my "thing" but I don't want to leave her...what should I do?

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I believe if you found a good thing do not give it up. Your searching for something new and different, but at the end of the day will you really be happy? You don't find many good relationships often so if she makes you happy why leave her? Bringing new girls into the equation will cause issues and make it hard for you to go back to the happy relationship you once had. If you see yourself with her in marriage then do not mess it up now because it wont ever go back to the way it was

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If seeing other people is that important to you and you're NOT okay with an open relationship, then yes, break up with her for good.

 

You don't know what'll happen, you may never end up with her again. You can't expect her to wait around like a naive, loyal little wife while you're out messing around. If you want to keep her, let her have her fun too. Relationships are partnerships, each person is EQUAL.

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You want her to put her life on hold so you can test the waters? As the saying goes, " you never know what you got until it's gone". You may walk away come full circle to find she was the one you truly wanted and by then she will have moved on and your chance will be gone forever.

 

BUT, you have to do what you have to do...if your gut instinct says to go fishin the by all means go, but you cannot expect her to wait or not to date...doesn't matter how old she is her time is valuable too.

 

Hope you find what your looking for...best to you !

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Well it pretty much is selfish. In a way it sounds like you're just comfortable with her, and now you want to "have your cake and eat it too". She can't help that she "had her fun" before she met you, but you're together now so that's that. You can't sort of equal the odds by dating other people now, it's not the same.

 

On the other hand, that curiosity feeling could go away in time, but it might also turn into resentment towards your girlfriend. Maybe if you date other people you'll feel more sure of what you need to do, how you feel, etc, but the fact you want your girlfriend to wait around for you, that bugs me. It's just not on.

 

Also, you seem to want different things in terms of settling down. I guess you should try figuring out what it is you think you're missing out on, and whether this is just fear of committment (while so young) or a need to see if there's someone better out there [which, to me, really isn't love at all, more like she's a certainty, or fallback]. I used to sit on the phone with my guy for hours, days even [skype] and we could have silence and I'd just be happy knowing he was on the other end, he said the same. Your describing it as a "chore" only confounds that you are an unsure and very confused guy indeed.

 

Anyway. Short version: If you're entitled to that chance, so is she. There's no other way to spin that.

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At least you can admit that it's conceited

 

More than that, it shows an understandable lack of maturity that comes at your age. You are not ready to make a life committment. As such, you need to let her go.

 

P.S. You should go read in the Divorce forums about guys getting married before they are 24 to a great girl, but 10 years later he (or she) feels bored, stifled, wishes that they had had more partners when they were younger. That will help you let her go.

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