HSP and XTC/MDMA

[lonelyd00d]

So I found out a while ago about the whole HSP thing, and am currently working through a book about it. And it mentions SSRI's as a way of dealing with the negative sides of HSP. I've also done psychotherapy for about a year, and it has helped a bit, but the HSP theory has helped me more, to be honest. (so many pieces of a big puzzle called my life falling into places).

 

Anyway. I've used MDMA in the past (and hope to do so in the future), and it doesn't quite work like an SSRI (i think, need to research more), it all comes down to serotonin. And maybe my chemistry is a bit out of whack in that aspect because of a long term depression in my adolescence. But whenever I'm using MDMA, I feel free. Free from anxieties, worries, depression etc. I actually have had better 'therapies' with friends that way than psychotherapy has ever done for me. Tho MDMA is a great way of having fun (imho), I'm not looking to get high or being impaired in my daily activities in any way.

 

So I'm hoping on some HSPs here who've had experience with SSRIs and/or MDMA. 'Cos if something like Xanax or whatever could only lift my spirit by 20%, I think life would become easier for me to handle. I'm really not very much into taking drugs as a means to patch things up, but I'm wondering if maybe it might help me getting rid of some anxieties I've dealt with for too long now. I'm getting pretty sick of my lack of joy in life.

 

I hope some of you can tell me your experiences.. I'm really curious as I want to figure out what might be the best solution for me before I go to my doctor to discuss it. Tnx.

[Sparchitecht]

I've been a self-proclaimed HSP (Highly sensitive person) all my life. My psychiatrist, whilst treating me for severe depression/BP-II/OCD also quickly came to that conclusion. Today, though still there, it doesn't hold as much power over my life as it always has.

 

Basically, the most crippling aspects of sensitivity for me [and likely for many others] were not specifically due to inherent sensitivities in my persona alone, but conjunctly to the aforementioned mental illnesses that had crept up on me for years and finally popped my composure like a zit.

 

Treated the depression/anxiety/OCD [as well as a sleeping disorder that contributed hugely to the problem] and the HSP aspect of my life is now a microfeature on the face of my life's composure. It never was any worse; depression and it's cohorts cognitive distortion and anxiety made me hyper-sensitive on levels far different than I'd have ever been otherwise.

 

This is what I wonder about for you, and for most HSP's. SSRI's do a great job of treating it for a reason; usually it's tied in to the fact that there's more to your dismay than just being highly sensitive. Usually there's an axis wherein we see mood and cognition improved upon treatment as well, and often another whereby anxieties and obsessive-compulsive tendencies are also greatly diminished.

 

What's most interesting in all this is how you point out that at one point you feel you suffered a pretty tough depressive episode of some sort [yet seem to imply you feel you're not such anymore], and then you lament classic depressive symptoms cursing your inability to enjoy life, and seeking an elevation in overall mood. You're basically telling me you're a candidate for diagnosis, the only thing you're missing is that you haven't fully figured out yet that the regular, day-to-day minute-to-minute crap mood you consider to be your 'norm' is really just the result of long term anxiety/depression/mental illness/etc. I could be wrong about all this; there's a plethora of other explanations for such subgrade moods. All I'm trying to do, though, is get the idea out there and into you, so that you've got the option to investigate/interpret/etc something you may not before have considered. Don't take it unless you feel it fits, I just want you to know it's feasible if that's what it comes down to.

 

 

As for MDMA [and its inbred piperazine cousins] I'm just going to flat-out say that I'm against drugs with a venomous passion and see them only as a great way to prolong mental turmoil by making psychiatric illness untreatable as long as you use them.

 

To compare the psychomechanical workings of MDMA to an SSRI is like comparing a sledgehammer to a flyswatter. They both get the fly dead [made you feel better as long as you had it in your system]. The difference is that the SSRI flyswatter only got rid of the fly [depression/anxiety/mal-cognition] without otherwise altering your life. The MDMA sledgehammer, although also making short work of the fly [damn you feel good] also does considerable detriment to your life. Like the sledgehammer which will put a pretty wicked 'ol hole in the wall, MDMA impacts more than just alleviation of the negative symptoms by impairing the user as well. Many people who've never taken antidepressants/SSRI's worry that they will alter their personality or make them unwantedly different in their thinking. This is the misconception; SSRIs merely alleviate the symptoms of your thought/behavior you didn't want to begin with (depression/anxiety/etc), leaving the rest of you untouched like the flyswatter does the wall beneath the fly [and also freer and more confident in your thinking/life].

 

As far as the mechanisms of action go, SSRIs go about correcting serotonin deficiency in a manner that facilitates equilibrium, whereas MDMA's flood the brain with excess and hence 'unhealthy' levels of serotonin. This is again an issue the general public does not understand about antidepressants. SSRIs and the like do not directly insert 'happy drugs' into the bloodstream to cross the Blood-Brain barrier and make us happy. These medications are agents that enter the brain and cause a correction or 'balance' in the serotonin/norepinephrine/dopamine/etc levels already present in our brain that are simply not being properly administered by our secretion and reuptake mechanisms. Therein the difference in SSRIs vs. MDMA arises. SSRIs act to only balance to the proper amount these neurotransmitters; there is no point where taking too much of them will cause them to put more 'happy chemicals' back into the synapses than what is supposed to be there normally. MDMA, on the other hand, is like a bazooka. It not only blocks the reuptake of serotonin for storage, leaving it in the neurons for absorption, but also causes our "storage chambers" for serotonin to open up their flood gates and let loads of it loose back into the brain, whereby the euphoria comes on strong. Along with other issues like exacerbative levels of oxytocin, MDMA is far more a method of altering yourself, rather than just taking away the miseries and leaving yourself otherwise intact.

[lonelyd00d]

Wow, dude.. awesome. My initial post was deliberately short, otherwise nobody reads all the way through it, i think.. I'm afraid I'll be going into more detail now.

 

Yes, I totally agree on MDMA being like a sledgehammer. That's why I'm not using it for therapy .. anyway, I've been looking for some answers for many, many years. And my (illegal) drug use has definitely improved me as a person.. (MDMA -> feeling like a kid again/intimacy with friends, weed/hashis -> makes my mind shift a gear back from worrying too much, shrooms -> spiritual enrichment).. Weed is the only thing I use on a regular basis. Tho I'm kinda getting bored with it. I cut down quite a bit in the last couple of months. Anyway, I got introduced pretty late in life.. 24 or 25 i guess. And not counting last summer, i'm a moderate user. Sure, MDMA has me physically exhausted the next day. It never has gotten me down in a mental state.. (well, just once).. which was kinda weird, as people should feel a bit depressed a day or two after.. I joked around with my friends that I was always a bit depressed, so it didn't have a grip on me, mentally. Which I'm now wondering if this might be true?.. A friend of mine feels the same, he says it never brings him down.. but I think he's kinda depressed as well, but he's much more of a fighter than I am (non HSP, anyway).

 

As for the depression. In high school I was in a very bad spot. But nobody seemed to notice how serious it was (thoughts of suicide, tho I'd never do it, which prolly made me feel sane enough to not actively seek help). But to be fair, I'm a smart guy, and even tho I'm a pretty big guy, i've become a master in not getting noticed. After graduating high school (i couldn't care less, btw), I went on to college such a wreck, i flunked out within weeks, I didn't even try. I applied again (under pressure of parents) a year later (tho i had made no improvements in my life), and again, flunked out. You could say I don't feel all warm and fuzzy towards my parents.. tho I blamed them for a while to make me feel better about myself (actually worked), I've stopped doing so.

 

It wasn't till I got a job in a factory, and stuck with it for years before I started to improve. (For me, this was such a low responsibility job, there was no way I could mess things up, so i felt relatively safe. After a couple of months of working there, I started interacting with my collegues more, slowly getting me out of my social isolation).

 

Right now, I'm stuck with good days and bad days. Which is nasty in itself. On a good day, things seem to go all by themselves, and I tell myself there's absolutely no need for help. On a bad day however, I don't feel like doing anything. Including getting help, but I'm just too tired/sad/depressed to do much about it. Going to psychotherapy was a big step for me, as I come from a family saying that 'shrinks only make you crazier'.. Anyway, the closest description I could find in my recent searches that matches my 'moods' would be dysthemia..

 

About half a year ago, I had a pretty heavy burnout I guess.. I never had my body protest so badly.. tho I have to say that I probably used to much drugs last summer which probably compromised my immune system. And telling the whole story will take too long. But let's say that if I were to work for a boss, I would've spent months sitting at home. But I'm self employed, so I felt that I could beat this thing and just go on working. That probably didn't help..

 

Anyway.. to make a list of my um.. traits? (mostly self-proclaimed) :

- Highly Sensitive Person (moderate?)

- Attention Decifit Disorder (mildly)

- Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder (4-12 seems to be my natural pattern)

- Trichotillomania (pulling of hairs when under stress mildly/managable)

- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (mildly/managable)

- (Social) fear of failure / anxiety (moderate to severe)

- Dysthemia?

- Hypochrondic? (or maybe I'm finally taking my health seriously.. it's hard to say.. =P )

 

The thing is, all of these things were more or less managable before my burnout half a year ago. I think I also traumatized some muscles during that period (washing machines are heavy =P ), causing me a lot of discomfort in my left arm/chest/shoulder/neck. And ever since I did, i feel like all my problems got shifted into overdrive. It's like I was (barely) managing all of these traits, but the physical discomfort has pushed me over the edge.. There has been some improvements since a month or two, and I'll be seeing an osteopath next week, whom I hope can tell me what is going on with my arm/shoulder. (possibly RSI)

 

Anyway.. I hope this clarifies my initial post.. I'd love to hear more about your life, and possibly some feedback on what I just wrote.. I recently started writing about my life. Just trying to put everything into perspective and reframe.. I'm surprised how some of my earliest experiences as a kid might have shaped some of my more dysfunctional traits.

 

 

ps I just want to add that during my adolescence, I used to drink huge amounts of coke (like half a gallon a day) but I didn't know then what that does to your body.. All during high school I was probably chronically stressed out a lot. Good thing I was very much anti-drugs (nor would i know how to get my hands on 'em) till my 23rd or so, when I first started using weed.. i don't wanna know what might've happened if I had access to drugs in my teen years. (besides alcohol, which I've never abused, btw) I have become a bit of a smoker in the past 2 years, but I'm cutting down on that too. Aiming to quit when I'm taking a break from work in a couple of weeks so I can distract myself with fun things.

[addicted_to_3]

I'm prone to depression and have tried MDMA recreationally, but dude, you can't be using club drugs to treat depression. All the affects of ecstasy that you describe in your post apply to EVERYONE, its not treating anything and unless you plan to spend the rest of your life rolling, once you stop, you'll feel the same as you did before or worse b/c of depleted serotonin levels.

 

Stop taking drugs. Try cognitive therapy. Most of it is your head anyway.

 

 

And from re-reading your second post - there is an avoidance technique out there (I use to have it when I was younger) where you believe you have a bunch of disorders. I use to be a sociopath, OCD, depressed, bi-polar, etc. Then I realized I was just using pop psych to avoid dealing with my real emotions. I mean - if you're trying with ADD and OCD and diagnose yourself and doing drug research, then you don't have the time to deal with the difficult everyday things in your life that are causing your depression and anxiety, right?

[lonelyd00d]

Well, like i said.. I'm NOT using MDMA to treat anything, I used it with friends to have fun. I was just wondering if there's a correlation between MDMA and SSRIs. MDMA i have experience with, SSRIs not. Hence my question for experiences from HSPs (like me) who've used both, since HSPs experience things a bit differently.

 

Also, I'm not making stuff up here to deny my problems. Actually, I know all about my avoidance techniques, and they don't include escaping into making up health or mental issues. There are way better things to escape to, and I've mostly stopped doing that.

 

The conditions I wrote down are things I've done quite some research on. I'm really careful with self-diagnoses. Of course, if you know a different condition where someone has bald spots from pulling so many hairs out of eyelids, scalp or beardgrowth, I'd love to hear about it... same for OCD.. I've spent entire nights not sleeping because I couldn't let go of something.. it kinda gets in the way of work and social life.. I know it's not like having to wash your hands 5 times in a row, that's why I added 'mild' to it. etc. etc.

 

As for dealing with depression and anxiety.. I've tried to deal with it for about 8-9 years now (after being in denial for about 6-7 years).. and as I said, I've made some improvements, but I can't seem to shake it off.. one setback on a tired day, and it all comes falling down again. Not to mention the many people who just tell me to 'cheer up' or to 'not be so pessimistic'.. why not tell someone in a wheelchair to just stop being such a lazy bum and start walking.. it's just as offensive, imo.

 

I have a life, I have hobbies, I have friends who care about me, I have family, I have a job some people can only dream of.. i needn't worry about money, really.. so yeah.. you tell me why I'm feeling anxious and depressed about half the time.

 

Sorry if i sound grumpy, but alas, I am.. thing is, most of those conditions i mentioned i found on the internet at some point. And after reading more about any one of them, I didn't get more symptoms, but I learned to deal with it better, because I suddenly understood what I was up against. I'll admit that smoking weed isn't the best thing to do on a regular basis, but it helps me fall asleep (and yes, I know the quality of sleep is less.. but it's better than lying awake half a night) and it helps distracting my mind from negative thoughts. Except when I get a bit paranoid. But even then i know it's the weed, and it kinda amuses me that it's having that specific effect at that moment.

[Sparchitecht]

Cognitive Therapy would be beneficial, yes. Psychotherapy will help with correcting dysfunctional behavior which is necessary, but neither can cure clinical depression if it is indeed a mental illness, not one precipitated from other sources such as repression or anxiety or so on.

 

I'm getting to sound like a one-note trumpet on eNA, but if you're clinically depressed, you have a mental illness in the same way you have cancer when we do a biopsy and it comes back 'positive'. How many cancer patients each year do we send to talk therapy in anticipation of them being cured?

 

The drugs, yea, you can't treat mental illness as long as you're creating symptoms that mimic and complicate it by using pot or other drugs. I know a ton of people [and work next to one, actually] who have just decided 'pot good, I feel happy. Antidepressants scary, require me think, I feel ick" and will likely never go anywhere but stay at the bottom of their little private hell and shout up for help whenever they can. These are what I refer to as "retards" and I hope that, through Social Darwinism, we can wipe them out like Paschendale.

 

You, though, have one thing going for you. You're not devoid of an adequate [or above-adequate, for that matter] IQ, going by your style of writing. If you choose to trap yourself in a life of drug use -whether or not you're trying to treat your ills medically at the time as well- it won't be because you were never born with a brain capable of thinking your way out of the box. You may be just that dysfunctional that you don't manage to, but in my experience intellect always = progress. I had to think my way out of a severe mental illness that even my psychiatrist didn't have the right lead on. After 12 rounds of ECT and a dozen or more different meds, it still took me to be self-observing and self-aware and looking for answers and possible antagonists before I figured a way out of the black tunnel maze.

 

I think I've kicked the MDMA vs. SSRI can to death by saying in one breath: two totally different drugs. Two totally different experiences when taking them. They share the common link of serotonin in the brain, but so does everything that makes you feel good. Exercise, sex, music, Halle Berry, all kinds of things cause an increase of serotonin in humans. These chemical transmitters are the essence of a large part of the human psyche, their role is played all over the place.

 

I mean, I take an SNRI called Effexor. It has a mild mechanism acting as a Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitor. Cool. Know what? Cocaine, the well-known illegal powdery stimulant, is also a Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitor. What do the two have in common? That's about it. You can't get addicted to Effexor, you can't use it as a street stimulant, and you sure as heck don't get the same feeling out of taking it as you probably would a whack of cocaine. The world of neurotransmitters is a long, complex one which no one has got very down-pat or figured, but suffice to say everything interacts with neurotransmission on a tiny level.

 

Are you an avoidant person? No signs of it that I see in what you're saying. Actually, you're doing a lot more intelligent work at reading up on this stuff than most people do before they start making sheep-like noises. Most likely, all of your symptoms (OCD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, bla bla bla) all are the off-shoots of a root cause. Usually, it's the depression that acts as the irritant in the brain precipitating all of the other peripheral issues. I used to question constantly all the different symptoms with my psychiatrist and keep dragging them back into the picture looking for resolution. In the end he explained to me that I don't have a bunch of disorders, I have one, but it brings with it all the cavalry in much the same way as a worn immune system can bring about all sorts of peripheral illness that would otherwise not have taken a hold. Bottom line was that once I treated the depression -the root- the branches would all fall off the tree. Sure enough, cognition returned and the anxiety receded. Anxiety recedes, the OCD immediately subsided. You're not a damage case, you've just got a wicked seed that's got too good a hold in its bed.

 

To add more:

 

Part of my problem was also a non-mental illness called Obstructive Sleep Apnea. This is a whole other can of worms but let's just say it took the depression far more severe than it would have otherwise come, and made treating and diagnosing things a lot more difficult. The biggest problem was that a disorder that occurs while you're unconscious means that you never know it's happening, you just have trouble getting out of bed in the morning and always feel groggy and like a complete mess.

 

I recommend this to anyone with depression, and you especially as you have enough peripheral issues that point to this as a good cause candidate. Normal onset of OSA in people who are-mood stable is easy enough to detect the symptoms of: sleepy ALL THE TIME. Could fall asleep ANY TIME (and sometimes do). Trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

 

Problem is, throw in a mood disroder, and your body can tire excessively, and to make up for the fatigue, kick into states akin to mild 'mania', which seem normal but are merely our body's last ditch effort to keep from collapsing into snooze time. Hence, even if you don't recognize daytime sleepiness, it's worth mentioning to a doctor. If you snore, or if you've been observed to have discontinued periods in your breathing followed by a choking or snorting during sleep, you're a red flagger.

 

Of course, alcohol, smoking, and muscle-relaxing/sleep inducing drugs/meds can also cause apnea episodes, or worsen the severity in those already with it. In your mind, keep it. Please, use it if you need. Yoda sayeth.

[lonelyd00d]

I've been a bit busy lately. And I haven't really feel like writing much. Still don't.. so I'll be brief..

 

If you choose to trap yourself in a life of drug use -whether or not you're trying to treat your ills medically at the time as well- it won't be because you were never born with a brain capable of thinking your way out of the box. You may be just that dysfunctional that you don't manage to, but in my experience intellect always = progress. I had to think my way out of a severe mental illness that even my psychiatrist didn't have the right lead on. After 12 rounds of ECT and a dozen or more different meds, it still took me to be self-observing and self-aware and looking for answers and possible antagonists before I figured a way out of the black tunnel maze.

 

I don't want to trap myself in drug use. Even tho i use pot regularly, I'm slowly letting go of that as well. Half a year ago, I smoked a gram a day.. now it's like a 1/5th of that.. Tho I don't feel a whole lot better because of it. I'm just getting a tad bored with it.

As for figuring out a way of the black tunnel maze.. I just feel like getting more lost. People tell me I'm making things way harder on myself than I should (or have to).. which is true, I know that much. But I just can't seem to make things simpler for myself.

 

Are you an avoidant person? No signs of it that I see in what you're saying. Actually, you're doing a lot more intelligent work at reading up on this stuff than most people do before they start making sheep-like noises. Most likely, all of your symptoms (OCD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, bla bla bla) all are the off-shoots of a root cause.

 

Not quite sure what you mean by being an avoidant person.. yes, I avoid confrontations (fights, arguments, even something simple as going shopping, sometimes..) because it's a definite source of over-arousal.. I know I shouldn't avoid it, but I can get all rattled when something goes wrong, and that great mind people tell me I have counts for absolutely nothing then.

As for one root problem where everything else branches off from, I do agree. Problem is, I'm not sure what the root problem is. Insecurity would be my best guess. I have this constant need to be liked and never make any mistakes. I know that's not realistic, but I can't seem to think my way around that (well, I can, but I don't feel differently).

 

Part of my problem was also a non-mental illness called Obstructive Sleep Apnea. This is a whole other can of worms but let's just say it took the depression far more severe than it would have otherwise come, and made treating and diagnosing things a lot more difficult. The biggest problem was that a disorder that occurs while you're unconscious means that you never know it's happening, you just have trouble getting out of bed in the morning and always feel groggy and like a complete mess.

 

I feel that way too.. usually I'm too tired to drag myself out of bed. Lately it's different. I just feel physically like such a wreck, I can't stay in bed anymore. Prolly because of a cold and my arm feeling sore. So now I need an hour or 2 just to feel okay enough to do pretty much anything. I'm also experiencing a loss of appetite.. but I've had a lot on my mind lately as well.

I've thought of a sleeping problem like apnea.. my dad has it. But as far as I know, I don't.. the few times that I had someone sleep in my bed, I've actually asked if I snore or anything weird.. but apparently, I don't. (apart from a very soft snore sometimes, iirc)

 

I recommend this to anyone with depression, and you especially as you have enough peripheral issues that point to this as a good cause candidate. Normal onset of OSA in people who are-mood stable is easy enough to detect the symptoms of: sleepy ALL THE TIME. Could fall asleep ANY TIME (and sometimes do). Trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

 

Well.. I can't sleep anytime. I'm also a very light sleeper.. like, last night, a mosquito woke me up.. it doesn't even have to be buzzing near my ear. I can give you dozens of examples where I woke up from the littlelest noises.. So yes, I do feel sleepy a lot. But it tends to go away during the early afternoon, and stays away till the end of the day when I should go to bed and sleep, but simply don't feel nearly sleepy enough to actually fall asleep. Tho, falling asleep hasn't been much of a problem last week.. emotions are very tiring..

[Lucca]

Hi lonelyd00d,

 

I know you posted this msg 3 years ago but it is the only thing I can find on the internet about being HSP, ADD and using MDMA.

Your post really spoke to me, I recognize a lot of myself in what you are saying.

I'm also HSP, have ADD, have the same sleeping routine, struggle a lot with OCD and anxiousness because of my highsensitivity and ADD.

I am searching the internet after I have used MDMA a couple of times, and like you say. It is the only thing that makes me feel free, makes me less anxious and it feels like I am myself when I use it.

I also wonder if there is any medication that has like similar effects to MDMA that I could try.

I have always been against medication and that kinds of stuff, but after I used MDMA again this weekend, it makes me wonder if there is something other for me to try. I was thinking about Ritalin because of my ADD. But i don't get a good vibe about Ritalin and the storys around it.

I hope you read this and I would like to come in contact with you and hear about your life, findings since the last 3 years that you posted this.

 

Lucca

[lonelyd00d]

Hi Lucca,

 

Well, this is a blast from the past, haha.. I can't help you with any advice on medication. The only things I use these days are over the counter stuff like Valerian root, melatonin, alcohol and vitamin supplements.

 

As for the MDMA.. I've gone a bit overboard with that stuff.. and I see it happen with other people I vaguely know: they start using more and more. So be careful with it.. anyway, for me the magic of MDMA is pretty much gone. Still, I'd take it regularly again if I had anything at home.. needless to say my basic rule regarding MDMA is not having any. And I must say, so far it works. When I had a stash, I pretty much took it every week. Now I'm down to a healthier pattern of once every so many months.

 

I pretty much quit marijuana as well, meaning a gram of weed now usually lasts a month or two, instead of one day. Sadly, I do have two new monkeys on my back by the names of cigarettes and alcohol. I guess I'm strictly speaking a 'functioning alcoholic'. Tho I don't really think of myself as an alcoholic.. it just has become a normal/regular thing I do.. I'm single, I live on my own.. and 9 out of 10 times I think in the store: well, it's not that I have a lot planned tonight, so why not enjoy this bottle of port? (actually, I can think of 10 things why not.. but I don't care.. same stupid thing goes for cigarettes).. Anyway, my focus of the last few months is to drink and smoke less.. I win some, I lose some.. but in general I believe I'm gradually improving.

 

As for my mental health, it has improved a lot! The main reason for that is me going into therapy again at a psychology office with multiple psychologists.. I got tested for ADD, and it's a 50/50 score.. so if I do have ADD, it's pretty mild. They did diagnose me with dysthymia, a constant mild depression. Of course the source of that laid in my teenage years, where I had a very serious depression. I simply never managed to completely 'shake it off'. But I also had some pretty warped views concerning myself, and parents, and the world. I did quite a few 1 on 1 sessions (about.. 12-18?..) and after that I went into group therapy for about a year.. the stuff you learn about yourself and other people is pretty amazing.. I think everyone should do group therapy for a year

 

Anyway, knowing yourself is very important. This also includes accepting yourself for who you are. This sounds simple, but it's not. You really need an outside view on your situation and be willing to take a step back and take a good hard look at yourself. And it may hurt. When I look back on my life, age 15-30, I'm still feeling pain and grief. And why? Because my parents believe shrinks only make things worse (which is a big fat lie, success rate in my country is over 80%), so they ignored the fact I was depressed, hoping it would just 'go away' or something I guess. Note: my parents are great people, but imo they need some therapy too.. either way, they botched raising me to become an independent, confident and healthy adult, and send them into the world.. which is basically the main thing parents are responsible for.. (I know most parents mess up their kids in one way or the other, that's normal.. but at age 25 I was still living at home like a whiny mommy boy scared of pretty much everything.. so yeah..)

 

I tried Ritalin for a short while, but this was before I had the extensive therapy. At that point it did help my mind to calm down, but I was left with facing myself, which made me feel depressed because I couldn't make sense of it all.. I'm 'highly' intelligent, yet I messed up pretty much everything in my life.. now, after therapy, I -know- why it got so messed up, and it's bloody hard to get back on track. I'm often still struggling with my 'old self'. But at least I don't fall back into depressions anymore, so life has become a bit more acceptable for me

 

As for some advice.. first of all, make sure your head is in the right place.. selfmedication with alcohol, cigarettes, weed, sex, games, speed, mdma or whatever is not the answer.. I'm a firm believer of inner strength, but again, your head needs to be in the right place.. I didn't even realize how screwed up I was, so how was I going to heal??

 

Next, if your ADD is really a big problem in daily life, try different kinds of medication and stick with what works for you (mind you, this could be a lengthy trial!).. a friend of mine has serious ADHD, and he can't function without a very specific kind of medication.. but too often, they just prescribe stuff you don't really need.. (the pharmaceutical industry is pure evil)

 

As for the OCD.. there's a difference between real OCD (function impairing) and OC-personality. I have the latter. I put way too much time and effort in stuff I shouldn't (games, reorganizing my files, watching an entire TV series in days..)..

 

Anxieties are also a terrible thing to have, but they can be managed. Meditation and breathing techniques helped for me, as well as taking valerian root when things got pretty bad. Getting a lot of rest may help too.. HSPs need a lot of quiet time and sleep. I frequently take a (power)nap in the afternoon. But that's a luxury not many people enjoy, I'm afraid.

 

Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing.. well, for me anyway.. communicating is the foundation of healthy relationships.. my parents hardly communicate.. oh sure, they talk a lot.. but my dad's like Fort Knox when it comes to showing feelings, and my mom simply doesn't know how to listen.. you might not even need a therapist if you can communicate your feelings and emotions to people who care. And I'm talking about actually speaking to words directly to someone.. chat / email / texting just isn't as effective!

 

Well, this was pretty lengthy.. but a lot happens in three years.. I wish you well. If you have any questions or remarks, I'll be happy to answer 'em.

 

Good luck!