Does it really work

[mlchildr]

Does the no contact really work. Do you need to tell your x that you will not be contacting them or do you just start and see what happens. We brok up a month ago a lot of fighting and stuff. We did not communicate well. One week after we broke he was with someone else. The whole time we were together he said he would never date anyone he works with becasue they were always hitting on him....guess what he is now dating someone he works with. This puts thoughts in my mind as if they had something going on before we broke up. The day after we broke up we met to talk and said that he had shut his feelings and emotions down for me he loved but was not in love....by the way the day before this he told me he loved and then we broke up. Another thing we would argue about was that he never wanted to go out and do anything as soon as we break up he is out all of the time. I did the whole crying and pleading and begging thing so he knows I want him back. I decided two weeks ago to start the no contact. before this I was always calling him and he never once called me until last week. I didn't answer becasue I was going to be strong and proceed with no contact. He left a message about picking his stuff up. He said he couldn't pick it up until he had his deck built...he left a hammock at my house....that is the only thing that would go on his deck he also left a computer and a bunch of other stuff. I don't see why he just dosen't come and pick it all up. My friends say it is a way to leave the door open if the other girl dosen't work out. If he cheated on me I don't want him back. I feel like if I don't contact him he will never contact me. What should I do

[Athena]

It sounds to me that he has been dishonest with you which certainly prompts the question of do you really want him back?? If you still do want him back, then let him know that you need some space to get yourself squared away and won't be contacting him. If you don't want him back, just walk away and tell him to come and get his stuff by the end of the week or he can retrieve it from the land fill next week.

 

-A

[neallo82288]

In you case the no contact thing will not work to get the ex back, but will work to help ease the pain. Time is the only thing that will heal your pain. Also, if someone tells you that they need time and space, or in your case they love you but are not in love with you, then they probably had someone else on their minds and that was not fair to you. As for no contact, it only works to get your ex back if they do not have someone else. If they do have someone else. then the only course of action is to put them out of your mind and work on making yourself who you are truly inside. Pain, such as yours, eats away aat who we truly are and destroys confidence. You need to heal and learn that you are better than he deserves. Work on who you are mentally and physically. Take time and go out with your friends (and the people you had been ignoring), go to a comedy club, read some books, work out, etc. All of these things could be done in order to get your ex out of your mind.

 

Now, I said that I have found that when they give you excuses for breaking up then they typically have someone else on their minds, but that does not mean that they cheated persay, but that they found themselves interested in someone else. That is no reflection on you, but the reflaction on your relationship. Your relationship failed for one reason or another and that is not your fault. Heal yourself and learn to enjoy life again.

 

Neallo