Is it ever a good idea for the dumpee to send a Happy B-day message?

[dstein]

I would like to think there is a possibility of something happening again with us down the road, but the problem is, I have been too nice and too accommodating and made this all too easy for too many years. I'm also the female in this and I think I should not be chasing him in any way-I'm 40 years old! Your ex is supposed to pursue you if he's the man. When women do it, we seem stalkerish and desperate. A huge double standard but it's true. If there wasn't another woman in the picture maybe my feelings about this would be different. It can't ever be over on "good terms" with a 3rd party involved as far as I'm concerned.

 

Honestly, I spent the last 4 years planning huge birthday dinners with all of our friends for him. Let him do his birthday without anything from me now. He is the one that decided he didn't want to be with me on his birthday. It wasn't my choice. He went over the top on my birthday a couple of months ago out of guilt. It was to make himself feel better, not me. Anyway, if someone decides after 4 years of consistent evidence to the contrary that staying in NC makes me a bad person and unworthy partner they are not man enough for me. Men that love women go to the ends of the Earth for them. They don't get deterred by the lack of a Happy Birthday.

 

I'm sad and it hurts but I believe I've got to trust my actions in this one. I'm done being a spineless doormat with this man just because I truly love him.

[brazilgirl21]

Oh I see. Me and my ex ended on "perfect" terms. I got GIGS, wasn't in love but still loved him, etc... he agreed that we should be apart for a while etc... no third parties.

 

Now there is a third party involved and things are VERY different. I saw him on saturday with her and we didn't even say HI to eachother!! I guess this year, let's see what will be of our "birthdays". It's my bday in less than a month and I've become the dumpee... I'm definetly not expecting red roses, but at least a call... I will be VERY hurt if he doesn't do anything on the date. Boy the world does go around...

[dstein]

Oh I see. Me and my ex ended on "perfect" terms. I got GIGS, wasn't in love but still loved him, etc... he agreed that we should be apart for a while etc... no third parties.

 

Now there is a third party involved and things are VERY different. I saw him on saturday with her and we didn't even say HI to eachother!! I guess this year, let's see what will be of our "birthdays". It's my bday in less than a month and I've become the dumpee... I'm definetly not expecting red roses, but at least a call... I will be VERY hurt if he doesn't do anything on the date. Boy the world does go around...

Ouch. Seeing them together must have hurt, regardless of who's idea it was. Good luck on your birthday. Thanks for your input.

[IMAbadman]

Well, I guess it's personal. I didn't view his act as desperate at all. At all... I guess it depends on the relationship.

 

Very true. Every relationship and culture is different.

[brazilgirl21]

Certainly... latin people are warmer by nature. However, I'm sure there are a ton of couples in Brazil that end the relationship on bad terms and don't call eachother on their birthday... just like I'm sure there are some americans who end in good terms and ALWAYS call... i guess it's relative.

[IMAbadman]

Oh I see. Me and my ex ended on "perfect" terms. I got GIGS, wasn't in love but still loved him, etc... he agreed that we should be apart for a while etc... no third parties.

 

Now there is a third party involved and things are VERY different. I saw him on saturday with her and we didn't even say HI to eachother!! I guess this year, let's see what will be of our "birthdays". It's my bday in less than a month and I've become the dumpee... I'm definetly not expecting red roses, but at least a call... I will be VERY hurt if he doesn't do anything on the date. Boy the world does go around...

 

 

Not to highjack the thread but why do you care? He's dating someone else and you're sitting around worried about if he'll send you a gift or not? As I said before all relationships and cultures are different, however; I'd be moving on.

[IMAbadman]

Certainly... latin people are warmer by nature. However, I'm sure there are a ton of couples in Brazil that end the relationship on bad terms and don't call eachother on their birthday... just like I'm sure there are some americans who end in good terms and ALWAYS call... i guess it's relative.

 

My thoughts are that the relationship is over. There is no obligation(s) to make the person, the EX, feel special anymore. They’re not there for me and I'm not there for them. Sure, my friends say happy b-day and such. But the last thing I want would be a friendship from my EX. Maybe that is a bit harsh but it’s my reality.

[brazilgirl21]

Well, me and my ex were eachother's first love and we had a very special connection and shared a lot of first moments and were together for almost 3 years. We became eachother's families, part of eachother's families, why should we cut eachother 100% from our lives?

 

I have a friend who does the same. She cuts people out of her life. I'm not like that, I guess people who were special/important to me will always be meaningful to me. I've only had one ex so I don't know how it will be with others, but with this one I'm pretty sure the bond is forever. He's always going to be a friend and someone who is special for me, no matter what.

 

I'm not worried about a gift, I'm just going to be a little down if he doesn't contact me on my bday but then again, maybe if he doesnt it will prove that I'm not right about our bond.