I goofed

[scaredtodeath]

I got sucked in to the whole Twilight thing and have fallen in love with a character. It's making me realize all the things I despise about John (we've been together 3.5 years), and it seems so silly because I know it doesn't really happen that way. Or at least, my 21 year old self knows it.

 

But there was this guy in high school- we only dated a year and a half, but that's a long time in high school. He loved me so much. I never doubted. Maybe he wasn't the best boyfriend, but he loved me. I keep comparing him to Edward!

 

I feel so silly admitting this, I really do. But I just don't know what to do. Do I face reality and work with what I have, or do what I did when that guy and I broke up and stop believing in love?

 

I just don't understand how John could have made me believe in love again only to have it turn into this. We keep saying things will change once we leave Oxford, and maybe they will, but not by themselves, you know? We'll have to work on it- it won't just magically change! We haven't done anything to fix it in a couple of years and I just don't know if I can believe it will.

 

I want to completely break away from him, focus on my own life, forget about men and just let that perfect man happen to fall into my lap, because I don't believe it's John anymore. What am I supposed to do? We're leaving tomorrow to go apartment hunting in Chattanooga. I kinda broke up with him yesterday, but we were talking in the bedroom and it went quite and I fell asleep and then it was like it never happened. I feel so trapped.

 

I asked him if he could love me everyday like he could never live a day without me- isn't that what every girl wants? He said he didn't know... that he could live without me... I asked if he even loved me that much- I don't remember what he said, but it wasn't yes. I just can't shake the feeling that there is someone out there who will absolutely adore me, but I have no plan for my future other than to follow him. And I could move to Chatty and not be with him, but I don't know how well that would work out.

 

I don't know. There's just been so many decisions for me to make that I'm not sure I'm ready to make, you know?

 

Am I crazy?

 

I feel so alone right now. Everyone is out of town for spring break and I just desperately need someone to talk to.

[Casperlady]

Are ye living together or planning on living together. Ok I too am a huge fan of the twilight series and edward of course what edward and bella have in the book is what every girl dreams of however reality is very different dont compare your relationship to something fictional what edward represents is an ideal the ultimate partner nobody is like that and it is not fair on you or them to use that as a comparison. From what I understand is your not very happy in your relationship so you need to sit down with your boyfriend and talk your feelings through and decide where to go from there