Playing hard to get...

[MyheartorHis]

I know the unsaid and every day changing "rules" of playing hard to get. I know it's wrong to play games, but I don't do it for the wrong reasons. I don't "win" them and lose interest. But I know from experience, with some guys you just have to. They like the mystery, they LIKE the initial game.

 

And I honestly know this guy. We have known each other for three years. We USED to be best friends and spent every day together. We actually had a "one night stand" with each other but went right back to being friends. This was over a year ago. He started dating this new girl a few months later (I dated others also) and she hated me because I was so close to him. So I backed off for a little awhile. Then they broke up and we made amends to our lost friendship and talk everyday and spend time together a lot.

 

We went a bar with friends and ended up making out (like old times). We both admitted that we used to like each other a lot and still do. Great, huh? I KNOW him, though. He likes to play the game at first, all in good fun. I don't blame him, I like to play it, too. But I have never had to "play hard to get" with a guy that I have history with.

 

It's nothing too terrible. I am thinking not always answering calls and texts. Not agreeing to everything he asks me to do (not seeming TOO excited for things). DEFINITELY not dropping already made plans for him, I wouldn't do that even if we were dating.

 

I just feel like I'm missing something in this. Like there is something I should do. We flirt A LOT, always have.

 

What do you guys think?

I know most of you will say something along the lines of "games are immature" and "the person who wins is the person who doesn't play" which I agree with in some cases.... but this one isn't one of those.

[ladybug726]

I won't tell you games are immature. I love the game. lol I don't know how popular my opinion is though. Whatever. Many guys like the hunt.

 

Sounds like you already have the right idea.

[DivineNess]

I wouldn't play any games otherwise he will fall for a "pretense" and you can't keep up these games forever. And then what happens? After you stop playing hard to get he loses interest? I would just be myself. It doesn't mean you have to be available at his every whim, it means living your life as you normally would, hanging out with your friends, doing your hobbies etc and going out on dates with him if you don't already have plans and you want to go.

[penelope13]

It's nothing too terrible. I am thinking not always answering calls and texts. Not agreeing to everything he asks me to do (not seeming TOO excited for things). DEFINITELY not dropping already made plans for him, I wouldn't do that even if we were dating.

 

You have a huge advantage: you already know this person. You know if he is the type of person who calls/ texts many times just to chitty chat or if every communication is about something very specific. - So it shouldn't be a problem for you to distinguish when you can take your time to call back or not.

 

Not agreeing to everything he asks/ not dropping already made plans for him: that is a healthy attitude anyway. Just because you are/ are trying to be in a relationship with someone, doesn't mean you have to cease to be an individual person.

 

 

I find it interesting that you call these things 'playing games', whereas I think this should be the 'default' attitude.

[Clarity]

Games like that would make me lose interest, but if you know him and know he'd prefer it that way, then why not - in that case you're actually catering to his needs, which is kind of the opposite of the point of game-playing anyway

[MyheartorHis]

Well, to be an update on this...

 

We are still "playing the game" but it's just natural that way. Last night I told him I am more interested in getting my best friend that I once had back before anything else. Because if we just start pursuing anything more than friends, we could ruin an amazing friendship. If we can become best friends and then slowly (if it works out that way) pursue more than that. But I just want to take it one step at a time. Good news is, he totally agrees. After the other night when we kissed and stuff, it kind of became an awkward game.... which completely turned me off, as it did him. We just pushed our feelings, both of us did. So this is for the best... however it turns out, I'll be very happy to just have him in my life again either way.