Were back together, but I'm struggling

[Imissher]

Hi everyone,

My ex and me broke a while ago, and we have also gotten back together. Today is actually 2 months back together.

 

Even though we are back together, I am having a lot of problems getting over what happened to me.

 

When I was with her before the breakup, this is something I never considered her doing to me. We were the "perfect" couple as stereotypical as that sounds. We rarely argued and if we did we always settled it very quickly.

 

I sit and mope around some days. In my mind I have this idea that she will do this to me again. I think that maybe she is not sincere about wanting to be back together. She has given me no reason to think that. She has been great, very "lovey" and talkative. We spend lots of time together, and she is always over, or we are talking on the phone.

 

I love this girl, but I still feel a bit betrayed. I'm trying my best to get over it. I discussed this with my friend, and also my father. They both have told me that I should just be happy and not worry about it until she gives me a reason. I still can't get over it though.

 

Any tips, or suggestions? ](*,)

[rissamay]

Why exactly did you guys break up?

[SoMuchLove]

They both have told me that I should just be happy and not worry about it until she gives me a reason

 

This is true. Talking it out with them is great because it helps you vent. At the end of the day all you can do is either end the relationship or trust until your given a reason not to. Being confused just drives you crazy and makes you think up scenarios...playing over and over in your mind.

[quirky]

did she cheat on you before? why are you finding it hard to trust her?

[Imissher]

Why exactly did you guys break up?

 

She ended it because she felt like she wasn't sure what she wanted. We both had been together since we were 16 years old. She said she wasn't sure if she was ready to be in a committed relationship so young.

 

When she came back, she told me that I was all she ever wanted. She told me that time apart gave her time to see that. Even though she knows I'm not rushing things, she is talking about the future. Hopefully having a family together and stuff like that. Maybe in another 5-10 years.

 

It still hurt being apart from her because we never had any real trouble in our entire relationship.

 

did she cheat on you before? why are you finding it hard to trust her?

 

Nope not once that I know of. We have always been a very loyal couple. I asked her while we were broken up and she still told me she was always loyal.

[Keyman]

It's hard getting into a young relationship without experiencing the single life, so the time away may have been able to clear her mind of that. But you can't let that hold you back from the relationship.

 

She still wants to be with you. She did what she felt was necessary to clear her head of her own issues, and it seems that after this time she chose to be with you. Sure, it might happen again, sure it might all blow up in you face, but then it might last forever, it might be that relationship that break the usual cycle of break ups that we all feel.

 

Think about it this way, the more you ponder on it happening again, the more you are setting yourself for this to happen. At least you'll be ready for when it does, you are probably thinking, but this is the wrong way to go. You may as well just call it off now. Enjoy it, make it what you want it to be and just live. Leave the past a something that cannot be changed, the future as yet to happen and just live with what the universe has given you today.

[rissamay]

OK that clears things up a bit. How long were you guys apart? Either way, I think your short breakup did your relationship some good. Think of it this way: imagine you were still together and your gf was still questioning if she wanted to be in the relationship. At least she knows for sure now, which must be a great feeling. It seems like her feelings are genuine, and she really wants to stay together (especially if she's talking about the future) and if she's given no reason to doubt her, I would relax. I would follow the advice of your dad and friend. Good luck!

[Imissher]

That's a very good point brother.

 

I had dated quite a few girls before this one. She was my first serious relationship because she was honestly the first girl that I truly loved or cared about. I loved other girls as friends, but this girl was my lover.

 

I just worry about it happening again. If it happened once then I'm sure it could happen again. I will try my best to just be happy together though.

 

This Friday, we are actually going for a mini road trip together. Were driving out to Kansas to see her family and driving back here to Kentucky. Its roughly a 14 hour drive, so we'll have lots of time to chat and spend some quality time together.

 

Thanks for the advice. I'll do my best to just be happy and try to forget the past.

[Imissher]

OK that clears things up a bit. How long were you guys apart? Either way, I think your short breakup did your relationship some good. Think of it this way: imagine you were still together and your gf was still questioning if she wanted to be in the relationship. At least she knows for sure now, which must be a great feeling. It seems like her feelings are genuine, and she really wants to stay together (especially if she's talking about the future) and if she's given no reason to doubt her, I would relax. I would follow the advice of your dad and friend. Good luck!

 

We were apart 6-8 weeks. Not to long.

 

I believe her feelings are genuine, and my family thinks so too. Thanks for the great advice. I'll try to relax a bit. Thanks again!

[Girl wants EX]

How long have you two been together?

[blair1684]

I completely understand the way you feel! I've been back with my ex for a month now and things are great but I still feel like I'm just waiting for him to hurt me like he did all over again. Like you said I'm trying to keep it in the past but the a lot of the hurt and betrayal is still there on my part. I feel like the more time that passes and he shows me his feelings are genuine the more I let go of some of the pain. My advice is just to trust what shes saying to you, if you have to talk to her and let her know exactly what you were going through then do it and then never bring it up again. You will feel better getting it off your chest and it will allow you to move forward in a positive direction instead dwelling on the past. It might not make sense but as soon as I read your post I felt like you were reading my thoughts because I feel the same exact way lol.

[Brownstone322]

When she came back, she told me that I was all she ever wanted. She told me that time apart gave her time to see that.

Does that not sound logical and reasonable to you? I think you're seeing the unappreciated "power of separation."

 

Congratulations, man. I understand your fears, but get past the trust issue and just concentrate on treating her right.

[Imissher]

Just an update,

 

We've now been back together about 6 months. Things are going great! I still have my occasional worry or struggle with what happened and sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen again.

 

However, things are going great! We are spending tons of time together, and have grown a lot closer. She has been very affectionate and loving to me.

 

She has gone through some horrible stress lately which I worry about effecting us. Her brother nearly died in a car wreck, her other brother cheated on his wife and left her and his child, her mother is now cheating on her dad. This has all effected her mood so much and she has been extremely depressed.