When Limited contact works better?

[rebelfac]

Wife of 12 years left 4 months ago and moved in with another guy with my 12 year old daughter. I lacked financial stability over the last year and affection. The affair started when they met at work and vented each others frustrations. He isn't even good looking but I have learned these things are often an emotional connection. We talk twice a week and chat twice a week from our work. She has moved on but I have been very mature about things. My friend says that she put away her memories rather than throwing them away in case down the road it doesn't work out. I am mostly positive and feel that by being in contact it will allow her to gradually see the better/changed man and I do eventually want her back. I feel that most of the pain is behind me and I can now be friendswith a chance one day. Isn't this better than no chance?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You should be friendly for your daughter's sake, not because you are hoping to win her back. Why did you lack financial stability in the last year? Did you lose your job? If you lost your job then that would put you into a tailspin which would impact your ability to show affection. Did she talk to you about the marriage issues in that year? Why couldn't she have just separated without finding someone else? While you may have contributed to the marriage breakdown, she did too because she immediately jumped into bed with someone else. She couldn't even handle being alone for a bit while sorting things out..she immediately ran to someone else. Doesn't show much character on her end either. If I were you I would take her off that pedastal and see her for who she really is...while she may complain about you, how is she any better if she is not self-sufficient and is counting on a saviour.

[Jetta]

I have limited contact with my ex. It started out with more contact and the time has passed it's become less contact. Really since his girlfriend moved in it's been less. But I think in some cases limited contact is necessary, yes we have a child together.

 

Jetta

[rebelfac]

She has always worked and was more of the breadwinner over the last couple of years actually. She was a programmer and I am in sales. I have learned so much unfortunately the hard way. I learned that I did not show enough love and affection for far too many years and treated her too much like one of the guys. She acted like one of the guys, didn't like flowers but I think craved more kissing and other kinds of affection. She told me recently that she thought it was an effort for me when I did show affection. I have honestly changed but it seems too little, too late at least for now. She likely does miss our communication but perhaps it got redundant. He has the advantage of being new, exciting and new conversation. He is also very likely filling the affection void. She was the perfect wife for 12 years and put a lot of effort into the marriage. I can actually forgive her because she was so good to me. I know there is little I can do but my friends seem to think if I can provide a better standard of living like I once did that perhaps the honeymoon will wear off. For two months she was ok with affection and it made it so much more fun when the three of us did get together. She told me though that she is getting more serious in January and it seems that affection is off limits now too. I haven't seen her in a month but wonder if she would be ok with affection when I see her again likely in a few months. I know I can't seem needy or desperate and that she can sense it. If he is giving her the affection she craved perhaps that is what is making her so happy. I so wish I had read books a while ago about how important that is.