lost my will to live

[paingirl]

 

I miss my husband period. We had i thought the perfect life. Just married, bought a house, then he changes, he gets abusive and crazy and starts using drugs. I find out later that a 19 yr old girl got pregnant in my bed. we start divorcing. its been a yr and still not final. he calls me after a year,says he wants me back. after one month he says that he just remembered that he is done with me, so he's not moving to be with me.

i think he went back on drugs or he got mad cause i got mad that he knocked up a kid in our bed....but he said he knew i had a right to get mad. i dont know, he sounded like he started using again, why cant it be like it was? now he stopped calling, after calling me like three times a day to tell me he loved me and was moving to be with me.now he says he's not coming, and he's mean again.

i just want my husband back the way he was, i feel like dying. i miss him so much i cant go on. what do i do?

its easy to tell me to move on, but its been more than a year and my heart will not, he just changed overnight, i feel like death will get me out of this pain. it hurts so much. i'm good at giving advice but i dont know what to do for myself. i dont want a future without him. help. i've lost my will to live.

[SwingFox]

Hi Paingirl,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for sharing your questions with us. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult period right now.

 

It's hard for me to respond to your posting, because I am not sure if you are going to like what I am about to write now. People on this board know me as an honest person, even if this means I have to bring news you might not like.

 

I have a feeling that your ex husband is going through a very difficult stage of his life now. Using drugs makes this situation even worse and now he also will have the responsibility of being a father. He must have so much on his mind.

 

The question I have is, are you really ready to go through all this with him. You say that you want to have the 'old him' back. That means he will have to stop using drugs, if he started. Besides that he will have the responsibility of this kid and you have that history forever. I am not sure if he ever will be the same guy you married.

 

Of course this doesn't need to stop you from trying again with him. The reason why he is putting you off now, is because you have been putting him off for so long. He tried to get back to you in the first place and you brushed him away. He is been hurt by that and does the same thing to you now, wether he means it or not.

 

My suggestion is that you sit down and think about all the consequences of you being together again. See if that all still would work for you. You might get even more hurt trying to get together again and find that he changed so much or him breaking away again. It is hard to say.

 

While you are thinking this over, I suggest you keep yourself busy. Be around your friends and talk to them. Hangout with them and share. That will make you feel better.

 

I hope my suggestions help you. I wish you good luck...

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bleeder]

Hi Paingirl,

 

I am sorry to hear of what you are going through. I can relate to the immense pain you are facing now. I have just lost my wife and daughter,so it is double the blow for me.

 

What I want you to know is, suicide is never a solution to any question or problem. It only serves to create more confusion and pain to those who truly love us. I have cried and cried countless times, waking up in the morning in tears, spending the living daylights in misery. In the end, I asked myself, who's there to see all of this? Who's there to comfort me? No one.

 

But at least I can rely on one trusted friend, that's your own good self. Our souls are immaculate and pure. It's the mind that gets impure and tainted as we age. It's also the mind that tells us what is suffering, what is important, what is 'love'. We can go back to our roots. Search your soul once again for that immaculate self. Learn to bring compassion back into your life, even when all else seems dark and lost.

 

Heard of the phrase "Love Thine Enemies"? It may sound ludricous to some. Impossible to others, but with hope and love, nothing is beyond our reach.

 

Forget about your husband for a little while. Learn to stand on your own two feet again. We cannot love someone else when we do not love ourselves. Do not focus on your "ego", but concentrate on your positive traits. Strengthen them into bars of steel. No one can touch these, remember. We are unique and your soul will bring healing to you.

 

Please, be strong and believe in YOU.

[paingirl]

firstly thanks for responding,

second i think i left out that the girl got an abortion, there will be no baby.

also i didnt really put him off, i took him back over the phone...but at one pt i got mad at all he did, didnt i have the right to get mad? after her ran off with a teenaged girl? my (friend). did bad things. now he cant forgive me getting mad, will not talk to me andsays he's remembered he's done with me...after telling me how much he lvoed me and he'll never find what i gave to him in anyone else and i gave him a great home life etc etc. He said waht we had was so special and we were lucky to have it and he made a mistake, he hasnt talked to me in almost two months now. I wrote him etc. I know i'm losing will. i know all about ego and etc and i try my best, i can make it on my own...i just love him and the thought of him not loving me anymore (after he comes back after a year) and being with another girl eventually, kills me inside and i feel like i cant live through it. if i worded this right?

[Aura Seeker]

Bleeder, what beautiful advise!

 

Paingirl, you have to ask yourself if you really want more of what this guy has to give you? Everyone has faces in the beginning, and when the mask comes off, you get what you see. Do you really like what you have seen?

 

A drug addict only has one lover.

 

I hope your spirit mends.

 

AS

[paingirl]

Hi and thanks, in my mind i know your right, i know the addicts only love is the drug and his beer. But in my heart i'm crushed over it all. For the two years that he was clean (from drugs not alcohol) he was someone that i fell in love with. I try to go on i really do, but even today, riding on the bus i cryed and cryed, it was so terrible that i ran into a church and just kept crying. Now i pray for God to take me so i dont feel this pain any longer, it hurts so much. My head knows my heart aches.

[Aura Seeker]

It's hard to believe, but in time this will lift, and you will be asking yourself how you could have felt so bad.

 

Don't make any drastic decisions in the middle of your storm.

 

You deserve better than an addict that will always put you last. I know what you mean about him before.....that was before. It isn't now, and he won't be the same person, and he won't give it up for you. He has to give it up for him.

 

Feel your pain, but not so much as to think you can't go on. You can.

 

Hang in, it does pass. Really.

 

AS

[bleeder]

Thanks Aura Seeker!

 

Paingirl, the period you are going through now is the height of a depression. When all else seems hopeless and everthing has lost its cause.

 

Do NOT give up on life and yourself. I went through that phase. No matter how dark the night skies are, dawn would always follow. As I have mentioned earlier, stay away from him for a while. Though I understand your love and longing for him.

 

We have to rely on logic to decide what's good or bad for us. Be patient and start loving yourself from today henceforth. Take care.

[Sensient]

I can kinda relate to what your going through. My gf broke up with me and said she doesn't love me anymore. It has been so hard to deal with after the years we spent together and knowing that she used to love me. Now she doesn't want a bar of me...she sayd its too hard. All i want to do is see her...talk to her...love her.

 

I have come to realise that there is no point in loving someone who doesn't love you back. I use to say that my ex gf loves me but she is confused and wants to see whats out there. When it comes down to it she doesn't love me...if she did she would be next to me right now.

 

What im saying is that if your husband or ex husband loved you he would move in with you and be with you. All your doing is living and loving for someone who doesn't love you. Every human being deserved to be with someone who loves them. By you sittinin on your ars and thinking about him...it doesn't help you realise what being loved is. Remember how amazing it was to know your loved.

 

He will move back in and be with you if he loves you. At the moment it seems like he doesn't and thats something you have to understand. Love and parteners are addictive...just like a cigarette. People become addicted to the love of another person...especially if they shard many years together. You have to get over that addiction because it isn't healthy.

 

You need to realise that he will be with you if he wants to...whats the point in crying about someone who doesn't care. You need to realise that you deserve to be loved and that he is missing out on you. I know things were amazing when you were together, you thought you were the luckiset girl in the world, but now things are different and you need to understand that crying over it will not get you anywhere.

 

I read a book called ''Letting Go" i ordered it from link removed. It is an amazing book that has helped realise things. What you should do is write to him or call him and tell him that you love him and want to be with...this should be your last contact. He will know that you love hime and then if he wants to be with you he has the choice...Remember he chooses not to be with you...letting him know you love him is all you can do.

 

You need to realise that you have a gift...the gift to love someone...Use that to go out and find someone new. Get out and find a man that is single and attractive. Try to like...sleep with him...show him tha girl you really are. If he isn't what you like then move on to another..

 

 

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT YOUR EXHUSBAND WILL BE WITH YOU IF HE WANTS TO...WHY LOVE AND CARE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I KNOW ITS HARD COS YOU IT ((((((((WAS))))))) AMAZING BUT IS IT NOW.

[paingirl]

I know your right, its just a whole lot easier said then done, there are so many good memories and i tried to date but i just cant be happy with someone else i tried it already.

 

i pray every night that this day will be the last, i keep waking up.

 

sucks right now. thanks for writing and takeing the time, i appreciate it all.

[Sensient]

Im am having trouble as well...knowing what an amazing girl my ex gf was 5 years together and she threw me away. It has been 6 months and it feels like yesterday cos i havn't moved on.

 

I know it is similar, 1 year and it prob feels like a month cos of all the amazing memories.

 

 

I will tell you now and i will tell right.

 

THE ONLY WAY TO GET OVER SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

 

YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT EVERY 9 MINUTES YOU THINK OF HIM, YOU CAN TELL HIM BUT IT WONT MATTER.

 

YOU NEED TO HELP YOURSELF AND REALISE THAT HE IS MISSING OUT ON A PERSON WHO IS AMAZING, YOU ARE AND IT SOUNDS LIKE IT (FROM THE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER)

 

REMEMBER, FIND SOMEONE ELSE, TRY TO, IF HE WANTS TO COME BACK HE WILL