cakes Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 hey to all- if any ppl out there that can share their thoughts with me about sex and being catholic.....To the many people out there who are catholic but have yet ot voice their feelings about the sin of commiting this act and the fear of rotting in hell for doing this.... I am catholic . Except i'm not 'really really' catholic. My bf is catholic too and has high values. We fell into harsh temptation and broke the rules and had sex. And we've had it ever since, i've been with him almost 2.5 years.... And just starting this week, we've stopped making love because the guilt of having sex not only before marriage but at all for the pleasure has tortured him all this time. And as I'm growing more nad more each day, I find that sex is an important aspect of a relaionship but i know that is against the Church. Especially so because sex is only used to bear children not for pleasurable reasons. I feel that our relatinoship will change because I dont think my values will ever match his in the sexual sense.....As much as he wants to still have sex with me he can't because it will torture him to insanity that we had to stop for hte sake of it. ..What are you thoughts? Because its a serious subject to him that he and I will go to hell for eternity for all of this unless we change our lives and that. I love him but i still think sex is an important aspect of the intimacy we share... Any other catholics out there that can share a few ideas with me? Link to comment
Tinkerbell Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Well, I'm catholic, so premarital sex was a major issue for me too. I always spoke out against it in moral class, but it wasn't until I met my boyfriend of 16 months that I realised that you can't put an age on love... Who's to say you need to be in your thirties to "make love to someone?" If you truly care about a person, having sex with them is just another display of affection. Although the church is against it, I did it anyways since I felt so strongly towards him and I knew it wasn't lust. However, the church disagrees since they seem to believe that love can only come with marriage, and going to far before that is sinful. I suggest that you ask your boyfriend how HE feels about the topic, nevermind what the priest is preaching. he should follow his heart, and you should follow yours. Besides, the deed has already been done, he isn't a virgin anymore and that isn't something you can get back. Link to comment
cakes Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 My issues are theses "rules" a) sex is only after marriage other wise, hell b) sex is only for having children, not pleasure So now that we've stopped making love and have lost the intimacy that way and i'm a very intimate person....All i can think about is how I'm going to have sex 3 more times in my life because i want 3 kids. Link to comment
cakes Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 yes we've had sex...The guilt is driving him to insanity that the best he can do is change that. So that's why we are not having sex anymore. He's committed to changing his life around and trying to live a "good" life ... Link to comment
Kalkhas Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Please thank your boyfriend for me. And if you're not "really really" Catholic, you're not Catholic. I don't think fornicators should even be able to call themselves Catholic, unless they fully repent, because probably the only sins worse are blasphemy and heresy. I beg you to go to confession and try to save sex until you are married. There is plenty of time for it later. EDIT: Sex is not only for having children, it can also be to bring a married couple closer to each other. The Church's wording is (most commonly) unitive and procreative, so see what you can find about it on google or something. Link to comment
flora281 Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 The way you have described your situation, sex seems to be the only part of your relationship. It may be hard and you won't change over night, but try to find other reasons why the two of you like being together. Find other activities to engage in other than sex. Sometimes just being close to each other and cuddling while watching tv or just talking is better than having sex all the time. Link to comment
ForAnother Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 There are things to worry about and things to not in my opinion. If you want to have sex then I would say go for it. I don't think church rules should hold you back. As long as you are not pregnant I would say that sex is fine. The only thing that is ruined... is nothing other than that your husband will know that you are "pure." I think that pure is kind and sweet, but I think that it is entirely up to you. A book can't tell you what to believe. Control your life. I am athiest though. So I don't think there is a god, so you are in control of your own life, your own body, and your own virginity. Whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you comfortable. ForAnother Link to comment
sprkal Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I know what you mean when you say not 'really really' catholic, and yet you still seem to be indoctrinated by simplified 'sunday school' teachings (ie sex is not for pleasure, you will go to hell etc). I am catholic, but as ive said before, im no fanatic and i would never call you a 'fornicator' you made a decision based on your feelings - i would imagine that based on your beliefs this decision was not made lightly. Why not get married then, if this is such a problem. I believe that you have sex when you are ready, when you totally are ready to give yourself to that person. Thats what i think our religion is saying too, when you are ready for marriage - that lasting commitment, then you are ready for the joys and pains that sex can bring to a relationship. It doesnt mean that you have to be married, but perhaps you should consider that. I think God would want us to enjoy pleasure, after all we are created by him - and orgasms feel so good - surely if He didnt want us to be pleasured by sex he wouldnt have created the orgasm would he. I'm a virgin, so im not really up with all the stuff on sex, but i have been tempted, and I've had some wonderful advice from people here who im sure will help you out as well. All in all, I dont believe for a moment that you will go to 'Hell" Be happy, and perhaps, as someone else said, take a look at your relationship...is it really all about sex?? cheers - Sprkal Link to comment
ellabear Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Dear all, I joined this site just to write on here, because I think some of the replies have been written out of hatred and not love. I am sorry this is long, but Please read, because I think (and hope) it might answer some questions. The Church does not give us 'rules', God gave us the knowledge of the church so that we may live life to the full. He does not want us to be hurt. Through the Holy Spirit we are able to live according to what the church teaches without thinking we are abiding by the 'rules' but but knowing that God loves us and would only want the best for us, so (subconsciously) we would follow the Churches teaching. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and I love him so much. We are so sure that everything is perfect and we love each other so much we know we want to get married. I am a very strong catholic, but I never understood the teaching of the church on this topic, so, as a lot of people, I 'rebelled' and had sex with my boyfriend when I was 'ready'. (I'm not saying this is right, so please continue reading). Later on in the year I had a talk from a leader in the catholic community that I am part of, which changed my views completely. The Church does not say that sex is not for pleasure.... God created sex for our good, it is supposed to be a foretaste of heaven. But when used in the wrong way can destroy in seconds. When someone has sex, the an emotional bond is formed (scientifically proven), that when broken, is so incredibly hard to get over. God did not create sex to destroy, he created it as a bond not to be broken. Now, you might say, "well, if I think he/she's the one then I can sleep with him/her" the Church says that if we have sex outside of marriage it is like telling a lie with our bodies, because we have not committed ourselves to each other in God's presence at an alter (Marriage). Love is more than a feeling, it's a decision, choosing what’s good for the other, it's self-giving and a sacrifice. Having sex with someone because it's what you want is not giving, saying, 'I am willing to wait for you, because I love and respect you that much' that is love. Pope John Paul II (one of my favourite people in the world) once said “We cannot live without love. If we do not encounter love, if we do not experience it and make it our own, and if we do not participate intimately in it,Our life is meaningless.” Real love is free, total, faithful and fruitful, so if you use a contraceptive, then you are saying “I love you, but I am not willing to give myself wholly to you, to bring life out of our action” so, not giving yourself fully. Within marriage, sex says, I love you totally and permanently, and I give you my entire person and hold nothing back, and we are family permanently and forever.... on the other hand, sex outside of marriage says ‘I am attracted to you’ or ‘I feel close to you’, but I can easily walk away. My boyfriend and I decided to stop doing anything of that sort, and when we struggle, we pray, we also have mentors (I truly recommend this) who talk to us regularly to know how we are doing. I, personally have found this so useful, as I know that if I do anything I will have to say it, but also it makes me feel really good, when we don't do anything, because I can also say that. As a result we have become stronger people, and our relationship is so healthy. It is never too late. People will always fall, we are not perfect, but what counts is how we deal with the fall, Do we get back up? And go back to God? Or do we live in the fall? And live thinking God can never forgive us? God loves us, he loves us SO much that he sent his only son to die for us, if you were the only person in this world, Jesus still would have died for you, that is love, that is sacrifice. God forgives us through the sacrament of confession and gives us the strength to overcome sin, it’s never too late to make a fresh start. May God be with you, and Bless you, There is no condemnation in what I say, and I wish not to create any anger, but just pass on what I have learnt, as it really helped me through a lot. xxx There is a group called "Pure in Heart" Who do some fabulous talks, who have taught me a lot. If you want a good resource: “Theology of the body- Christopher west” The film “Karol” about Pope John Paull II's life before becoming Pope, an amazing film Mark Hart does some great video clips on love too “Love is always patient and kind; It is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude, or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.” Corinthians 1:13 Link to comment
ellabear Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 please please, read what I wrote below. xxx Link to comment
avman Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Thread closed - religious debate. Link to comment
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