Relationships with troubling age difference dipping under 18

[Sebulous]

Arg I don't know where to start. I am 20 male. She is 14. Ok red flags are up but its not a sicko thing. I have knowen her for 3 years and we always talked and stuff. Never had idea of us being anything. (just need someone to tell me nice stuff. No sexual intent with this relationship)

 

After / while all my friends have / are turning on me or disregarding me (civil's handle people moving strangely), she's been the only person there for me. A girl I loved really hurt me and this girl nursed me. See is very mature, nice looking, I could go on. We are both musicians. I play guitar and she has a wonderous voice. I could melt in her hands when she sings. (she has all the physical's I like in a girl and has same intrest)

 

However, her mother is very protective. Her mom does like me but I don't want to go to jail for underage chrages that could be made.

 

I would brush this off as a crush however there's something between us. I dunno. While we were practicing guitar / singing, I was contemplating about her and becoming a relationship and suddenly there was this burst of warmth from my stomach out in all directions. I zoned out and just sat there thinking of her for about 15 mins. I never done / felt this way before about anyone.

 

I am going crazy telling my physical self "NO, its not natural", while my hurt sadened side saying "she can mend all my wounds". I so wanted to pin her on the wall and give her a big kiss but not with 10+ people, this age thing being a problem in my head, and her protective mom.

 

Oh, I am moving in 6 months too so thats why I justify it also. Its just a short time, self confidence fixer. (i have moved and never told girls how I felt. Never did anything. Worst feeling ever I had)

 

(I fall under that one post: turning 20, no GF's, a virgin, no kiss outside of spin bottle =P )

 

So what I want to know is what are peoples view on this kind of scenerio. 20 guy and 14 girl. (though she looks older than me lol)

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

I don't think that's a good idea at all. You're gonna hav a lotta problems. I mean a lot of peple will not understand nor accpt the fact that you're 20 and she's 14. That's really scary but if you love each other or are determined to give it a go, go right on ahead, don't let anyone stop you. But just a word of warning: dont expect it to be a easy cruise.

 

Happy Heb

[kuhl282000]

hello

 

Hate to burst your bubble. It is always nice to have friends no matter what the age. However you are crossing over the line in the eyes of the law..........she has to be 18 in most states, a friend of mine was 21 and was dating a 17 year old......she came home late one night, confessed to her parents she was seeing someone that was 21 (an adult) he was arrested by the police and charged with rape the next day. He was having a real bad hair day. He was facing 15 years in prison. He now has a felony on his record, he had a clean record, had to pay $15,000 for a good lawyer to get off. He had to do one year house arrest, and still has 10 years probation. Bottom line it is against the law period. I would suggest you see someone your own age. Before you get in way over your head.....my friend was real lucky he did not go to prison, and really he did not do anything. They had sex and she consented, but the state picked it up, and the parents wanted to fry my friend. Yes....just like that, one minute he was making love and the next minute he was being arrested. your gap in age is alot greater, and it will always be seen as you are doing something wrong. After she is 18 then it is a different story.

 

good luck

kuhl

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[The Morrigan]

I hate to say it, but this one looks like trouble.

 

She may be mature in some ways and share some interests - but the hard fact is, she's still got what, 3 years or high school left while you're a working adult. You are and will be essentially living in two completely different worlds, one where you won't fit in with her friends, and she won't get much in the way of respect from yours. While it's not as big an issue when you're older, or one is on the verge of moving into the other's "world," 6 years is a LOT when she's just entering high school. And yes, you have the underage problem as well, anyone who feels she's being taken advantage of can report you - it doesn't even have to be a parent. You have 2 years before she OR her parents can legally permit you to have any kind of physical involvement, the law doesn't care what she thinks, you think, or her parents think.

 

Be content to be her friend and maybe an older mentor who shares her interests - and keep the freedom for both of you to move in your own circles without feeling stigmatized or restricted. If you're still friends and end up wanting more in 3 or 4 years - then would be the time to reevaluate the situation, but for now, let her grow with her friends at her own pace.

[Xandra]

I am 20 male. She is 14. Ok red flags are up but its not a sicko thing. I have knowen her for 3 years and we always talked and stuff.

 

So basically, you've known her since she was 11 years old. She probably hasn't even started menstruating yet, let alone have the ability to take on a mature sexual relationship as you probably are. She is too young to even understand what she wants or needs. Even if she is a very mature 14 year old, there is no way that this would ever work with you being 20 years old.

 

Of course her parents are not going to like you, they see you as a pedofile. She isn't even at the age of consent yet. Looking back on when I was 14, I probably would have thought I was ready for a mature adult relationship, but looking back now I didn't even understand who I was yet.

 

I feel for you because you probably do connect with her on some level, but you have to be the adult of this relationship (because you actually ARE the adult, whereas she's still a child) and put a stop to it.

[Chesnick]

This is a tough one. Tough one, tough one.

 

Personally, in my heart, I would say go for it. I have no problems with age AS LONG as both people are into it. But that's where you have to be really careful. Since this country is STUPID, the law feels like it's their job to make decisions in other people's reltionships (even if it's between an 18 year old and a 17 year old). The way I see it, the only way this relationship could ever work is if she cared about you as much as you do about her, and that she understands that it needs to be a complete secret. If you guys are both into it and you cover your tracks, you can get away with it. I know people who've done it. And I don't want tp be labeled as an "accomplice to a crime," but if the two of you are serious about this, you really need to be on good terms with the parents. In fact, telling them you have a steady girlfriend will diffuse some of their suspicions. Bottom line is, be sure she's mature, be sure she really cares for you, and be sure she understands the risks. Otherwise, ABORT THE MISSION. Ask yourself, is this thing worth risking the hand of Johnny Law when you are moving away soon??

 

note: Technically, I think pedophelia pertains to children under 11 years old.

[Sebulous]

Her mom and I are some what cool. Its just she is over protective cause her older daughter has 1 kid and is pregnant again and is finally getting married. She doesn't want it to happen to her.

[musicguy]

I'll admit I've been in relationships with a number of youngin, but they are more cyber-relationships and so far none have worked for me...but age difference is a big thing as I've noticed in my experiences. My ex-s mom didn't like me at all and I was in another state. Age doesn't matter, but in the eyes of the law it does. It also depends on if her mom has met you and if she's cool with it..some mom's do let their daughters date older guys, some don't. Be careful, take your time and wait until she's of legal age.

[Sebulous]

don't know if yall read it but Ive state: I'm moving for good in 6 months. waiting isn't much of an option as we will probably never see each other. Not doing anything with someone you care sucks when you move.

 

Guess I will have to talk with her mom. Like I said I don't want to sleep with her. I'm still a virgin and open with it. I've had 5 different girls try to tempt me as well, which I declined. Sure it must be nice and good, but I want it to be special.

 

 

on side note: Only chance is if one of us makes it big time later in life. I will be shocked if she doesn't make a label. Helping her learn guitar so she can play and sing. don't think she'll remember me a whole lot.

[EmptySoul]

ok here i go: If you guys really like each other, go for it. But be careful, if you do have sex (i know, it's not an issue right now) MANY problems could result. It is completely mandatory that her parents didn't find out. For example, my friend who just turned 14 has been having sex with her 16 year old bf and if her mom, who hates him found out he could likely be charged with statutory rape if thats what her mom wanted. okay other than that, some people are not open minded about this kinda thing, but as long as you are taking steps to know what you both want and making the age difference work, just have fun. I know how it feels to not want to be with guys my age, and feeling different than girls my age, so just be careful with each others feelings, dont let other people get in your way, and have fun.

EmptySoul

[Sebulous]

We had a little talk. We are gonna try to do a secret thing. My parents think me and this chick I work with are an item and she is going to pull the same thing with some other friend of hers.