Undoing a Break-Up?

[coolarab]

I was dating someone for a year and a half, thought it was leading to marriage, and was completely shocked when she broke up with me about two and a half months ago.

 

As for her, when we first met, she had just come out of a nasty divorce. Although I tried to avoid being anyone's "transition" or "rebound" guy, I feel like I was hers (in retrospect).

 

Yes, she talked about marriage too. SOMETIMES.

 

But I think the pressure, and what she saw as the inevitablility of where a serious relationship was headed, caused her to have second thoughts.

 

In the end, as we broke up, she said a bunch of things that I didn't expect and didn't understand considering how long we had been together- that she loved me, but wasn't in love with me; that she loved me, but not enough to marry me, etc.

 

I feel like we were great together and still miss her immensely... So what to do? Everytime I tried speaking with her for 2 weeks after the break-up, she seemed like she could almost get back together with me... But by the end of the phone call, things were inevitably worse than before. So we stopped talking completely about a month ago...

 

I miss her. I want her back... I never felt this way about anyone before. Any hope for this at all? Or do I need to give her the time and space she never had after her divorce? And most of all, not have her feel any pressure? Will she come back on her own- realize how good things were and miss me? Thoughts???

[Hopingpraying]

You need to give her the space. All you are doing by pursuing her is pushing her away. I did the same thing to my wife and it is resulting in a divorce. No contact is the best way. It does two things:

 

1. Gives her the space she needs, and hopefully she will start to realize you are not there anymore and begin to miss you and then initiate contact with you.

 

2. Lets you start your healing process by getting over her in case she doesn't come back.

 

 

Hopefully she will miss you enough to initiate contact with you. If she does don't immediately start telling her how much you have missed her and how much you have been pinning over her. If you do that it will push her away again. Tell her you have been doing well even if you haven't. People don't want needy people the want strong independent people who can take care of themselves.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Good luck!

[sphinx999]

You need time to heal other wise you will not be ready for a relationship and strong enough to deal with one, so you would ruin your chances. Also give her space and make her want you, it should be her persuing you.

[AF Model]

Man, I'm going through the same thing. I'm not old enough to have to deal with the a divorcee, but in case it is similar.

 

I just recently made a very long post, you pretty much summed my post up.

 

I want my ex back more then anything, and I read every day hoping for someone to have the miracle answer. As much as everyone is right about what to do, it of course isn't what you want to hear.

 

I feel your pain!!