ex-fiancee called me today

[musicguy]

she wants to get back with me, so I told her that I'd think about it and that I need time to get thru college and my career, that she has to prove to me that she really loves me and wants to be with me. Am I stupid for going back to her?

 

Musicguy

[boxcar1134]

if you're worried that it's a bad idea to go back with her.....then i would suggest waiting. tell her that you would rather be friends for a while, that way you could build something even stronger off of your friendship. i don't know why you guys broke up so i can't really say you're stupid for going back to her. but if you are having doubts about your sanity/stupidity then obviously you should try just being friends with her for a while. if things start to look better then you could always try dating again.

 

 

 

hope that helps.....

[musicguy]

boxcar1134 she cheated on me

[boxcar1134]

cheated on you? man....no one should have to go through that. i would definitely say that you should not go back to her right away because the trust is gone. i wouldn't give up on her completely because she may have changed or just realized that she loves ya. i'm no expert but i would tell her that i just want to be friends. tell her that you want to build that trust up again. if she loves ya then she would be willing to wait until you are ready to trust/date her again. and if you're never ready to date her again at least you would have your friendship with her.

 

it would also give you the chance to see if she really changed or not.

 

 

 

but then again...that's just my opinion...i could be wrong.

[musicguy]

that's what I told her when she called. I said, "You know that it's gonna take a really long time for me to trust you and that I'm still "on the market" until I can trust you again"

[boxcar1134]

well i hope it all works out for ya. just keep on keeping on. the best thing to do is to take it slow and not rush anything. i really believe if she loves ya she will wait til you are ready.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[musicguy]

I hope that things get better too

[avman]

musicguy,

 

My friend, I remember all the pain and anguish this relationship caused you. And that was even BEFORE you knew she cheated on you.

 

You've done some remarkable healing from that relationships and have some much better prospects on the horizon. I don't think you should return to your ex. You weren't happy before. What would have changed to make you think you would suddenly be happy now?

 

avman

[buffalosoldier]

Hey musicguy,

my adice would be to leave the past where it belongs. This girl cheated on you,which to me is the ultimate sin in relationships and i dont believe you can forge any sort of decent relationship with someone that lies and decieves you. And i know from past posts that she upset you very much also.

 

You seem to be a very caring man with a good head on your shoulders,so i think you should stick with your new girl and see how things turn out with her.One thing i have learned is that for me personally,there is no point in going back.Unless she is genuinely sorry for what she did and is literally willing to plead with you,then i would leave her be.-Unless she is going to prove she is serious.

 

I know how tempting it is to go back to an ex for the comfort of someone that knows you and you are comfortable with,but trust me it doesnt usually last.

 

I wish you luck

[determined]

I completely disagree. If you all wish to live by the Bible fair enough. However ladies and gentlemen we aren't in biblical times and humans make mistakes that's what we are here for, to learn and mistakes is the way this happens.

 

If you are expecting a relationship to exist from day 1 to the death bed without any events of infidelity (especially when young 18 - 23) then you're living on cloud 9! And if you say that that has never happened in your relationship...well....how do you really know.

 

My point is that throuh social liberation there are consequences which when young are tasted. I know couples who when young were together, one cheated, they split, they got back (maybe a few years down the line) and have been happily marries since (25 years).

 

I think way too much emphasis is put on this and it being the "sin of sins", yeah it hurts, its not nice but it is actually life, growing up and learning what you want, what you expect and how relationships work. I'm sorry, im not a cynic, im a romantic and I believe that if you expect to be with one person from 18 - 60 you're out of touch. That doesnt mean a break in the middle is a bad thing, but probably a pre requisite for people to learn what they really want and who they want it with.

 

My advise, get back with her if you love her. If she does it again, fair enough, don't be a door mat, but don't put yourself in position which you will regret 5 years from now due to outdated priciples!

[luxe_13]

I agree with determined. Why is it that in this day and age relationships are so disposable?

As soon as it gets too tough it's all like…well on to the next person! I think that sucks.

If you love someone and they love you then you should work at it. Not just drop it all and find something simpler.

I do believe in taking it really really slow though. There is no rush. I f you love each other then you canmake it work for you! You have all the time in the world. It is worth it/

First of all you need to regain each others trust. That is the most important thing.

Good Luck!

[emma]

If you are not sure whether you want to get back with her or not, you might not trust her and her will not to what she did to you ever again, so if you're doing ok right now, I would just recommend to wait before getting back with her if you still want to in some time. Just consider how your life is right now, if it is better or not than what it was when you were with her.

 

I'm not saying you should never get back with her, but if you can't trust her right now, juts wait and try to see if you together can rebuild this mutual trust, and tell her that. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you, she will wait and she will accept it because it's for the best for the two of you (and if she knows that she will be true and honnest to you from now, she will have confidence in the outcome of this situation, this waiting period).

 

Cheating happens, not only in young couples, maybe more easily in young couples but not only. It doesn't mean however that it's a 'precondition' for knowing what you really want in life. It doesn't mean that it cannot be forgiven, but it takes time, because it hurts. I never experienced it myself (not from what I know at least), but I saw it around me, it happened to some of my friends, and I saw the pain and the difficulty to rebuild trust after this.

 

What doesn't hurt at least in relationship is patience and taking time, in order to avoid hurting yourself purposelessly, and to avoid hurting the one you love or at least the one you once loved with all your heart.

 

Good luck, you can pm me if you want.

[buffalosoldier]

ok i do agree with what other posters have written,but i do not think other peoples opinions are ''outdated''.what hurts one person wont another,and its all how you view things.personally,if someone cheated on me (to my knowledge) i WOULD NOT take them back.yes i can never be sure,but thats where the trust part of relationships lies.im not gonna have someone walk all over me and im sure that in reality others dont either.

 

i think this girl made a mistake,and yes,one mistake will be forgiven by a lot of people,but for some this is not the case.plus,whats the point of being in a relationship if you are only going to act like you are single??kinda defeats the object a little. but whatever floats your boat,if some people like being lied to and decieved then fair enough.i think people that cheat and think its ok obviously havent found someone they truly love.

 

best of luck to you all