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Lalala~ My mind is never at ease.


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Well...I've been thinking too much lately and maybe starting this solo journal thing is going to help me out Just whatever is on my mind blahhhhh Mostly the summer right now...I feel lame for always thinking of it..but it was a different summer for me DX

I was looking through what I posted on here...and the single topic I made just brought back sad memories. Recently I have been thinking about him and overanalyzing things...I'm just going to write it all out..my eventful summer:

Well after the whole situation with my ex I died inside but then one of my other ex's who I have not seen in around 2 years at the time. We basically started talking a lot on the phone since we have the same service and unlimited texting etc. We decided to catch up. He invited me to hang out with him at one point of course I said yes since I had nothing else planned. It was nice seeing him..really nice actually.

After that we were texting non-stop. During the summer I didn't do much so hearing from him and hanging out with him made me happy and I felt less stressed. I've never really hung out with a guy alone...like if we weren't dating. (Well this was slightly akward since we dated before..this was like 8th grade haha so I wasn't that into relationships or anything. So we would talk about why it didn't work out or what could have happened)

One day some crap happened with his friend and his friends gf. So he asked me if I could come over so we could talk. Welll we just sort of layed there on his bed and cuddles. OH YES we're cuddlers haha And there was this moment..where our eyes just met..and we ended up making out....Well heres the thing..He was still with a chick that goes to the same school I do. So at this point i'm thinking " WHAT AM I DOING!" But...somehow..I wanted to think of myself for once to feel good. I am not one who thinks of myself too often. I think of others more... ANYWAY So this whole little 'fun time' lets call it..was secret-ish..None of my friends knew because they knew him and kind of knew the chick. So if some people knew it would spread and eventually get to her. Well eventually I told the friends I trusted the most...They were shocked haha Because I'm probably the last person to do that. Pshhh. Naw Dude ahah~

Eventually he just stopped talking to me and blah blah blah...It hurt me..so I knew it was just a little fling and once school started..everything would be back to they way it was.


Maybe after my ex I have last year...the Summer Fling was a way..of dealing with my invisable sadness in a way...I wanted someone to hold me..to kiss me.I loved that feeling I had.


BUT what I always remind myself of is Everything Happens For a Reason...

If I wasn't sad during the summer and I never got that text from my ex wanting to catch up and maybe hang out..maybe my lovely wouldn't have come back online..Though the distance is great I know things will get better now.....

I'm still not sure why things had to be like this...but It's alright... And another day awaits me... Solo and Ensemble tomorrow...Fun fun T___T

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So lately I haven't been feeling like myself...

While I have this long distance thing going on my mind is going insane.

After my little summer incident I can't stop thinking about it. It was fun alright!

Yesterday I talked with him(LDR) and I couldn't but help feel absolutly miserable. I told him I don't understand why he doesn't hate me.

Perhaps...I hate myself too much and I'm surprised others don't?

I'm not sure...But I don't feel too well up in the head..

This Morning I have up with a sore throat a slightly runny nose.

T__T This can't be good at all.......

I am off for now..back to bed.

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Well....after Saturday turnes out my best friends boyfriend got us all sick...goody. I'm still stuck with a really annoying runny nose T.T Really sucks since it's finals week.

Other than the cold..i'm feeling a little bit better. Muscles hurt from lifting in the fitness center. XD I wish I was on the bike instead of the weights side. At least I could have seen and heard Obamas speech better..

Bah I need more kleenex and yumm maybe a mango

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